I think the hardest thing about being injured for any athlete is the frustration that starts to build up inside you. The frustration and the guilt for feeling the way you do because you know damn well that in the grand scheme of things, you're really not in that bad of shape...but not being able to run...not being able to do what makes you you...well it feels like the earth is falling.
The mind games that get played are what's the hardest for me. I know that there are people out there in the world that have it worse off than I do. Believe me i know that. But here's the thing...my situation still sucks for ME. By saying i can't be upset or frustrated by my situation because others have it worse is like saying I can't be happy because there are others out there happier than I am.
I'm depressed. I'm frustrated. It feels like life just keeps piling on and I'm supposed to just deal with it. I was dealing just fine...until a split second lapse in judgement caused me to wind up down for the count...and now it feels like my body is unraveling.
I'm getting bitter, resentful and i really just want NOTHING to do with anyone these days. Family dinners, work, life...all of it is starting to feel just so overwhelming and I don't know how much longer i can keep it up before i snap.
This is what it feels like. I never wanna be here again, but i suspect the road back is going to be a long one.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Sunday, November 16, 2014
A new dawn, A new day...
So winter has arrived again...and guess what. I'm slow again and I'm having trouble dealing with it. Upon further reading, it would seem that it's not a new thing.
Today resulted in hurt feelings, inner tantrums and self doubt. Good to know that I'm not invincible...and that some things will never change. This will make me stronger...I just have to not let the voices win.
The new Challenges ahead? The Hypothermic 1/2 marathon in February, the 50km trail race in May which will be followed by another crack at 50 miles in June...in Montana.
Bring it on nature. You will not defeat me. No matter what, i will survive.
Today resulted in hurt feelings, inner tantrums and self doubt. Good to know that I'm not invincible...and that some things will never change. This will make me stronger...I just have to not let the voices win.
The new Challenges ahead? The Hypothermic 1/2 marathon in February, the 50km trail race in May which will be followed by another crack at 50 miles in June...in Montana.
Bring it on nature. You will not defeat me. No matter what, i will survive.
The Lemming Loop 12 hour version
The day started off like any other race day. An early rise, followed by the question...why do I sign up for these things!! Waking up at 4:15 am is NO fun!! We arrived on site to be welcomed by the glowy christmas lights strung up around the aid station. A fire was burning to help keep volunteers warm...that fire would soon become a highlight of that race...warmth!
I went in to pick up my race kit and stepped over sleeping 24 hour racers...they were scattered all over the building and people were whispering...it seemed surreal that those guys had already been out in that brutal cold for 12+hours. The cold. Oh dear lord the cold. The wind the night before had been gusting over 60kph and a good 2km of that 3km loop is in open fields...mind boggling...not to mention it was -1'C...but since the venue had been changed last minute there was now a HEATED building with real washrooms!!!
While i fell short of my 50 miles goal, i did end up with 44 miles and that seems pretty wicked too. When do i get to do it again? :Dh
I went in to pick up my race kit and stepped over sleeping 24 hour racers...they were scattered all over the building and people were whispering...it seemed surreal that those guys had already been out in that brutal cold for 12+hours. The cold. Oh dear lord the cold. The wind the night before had been gusting over 60kph and a good 2km of that 3km loop is in open fields...mind boggling...not to mention it was -1'C...but since the venue had been changed last minute there was now a HEATED building with real washrooms!!!
Headlamps were put on and at 15 minutes before race start we had our pre race meeting. A few nods about the course but more importantly the reminder that when passing 24hr runners to give them a wide berth...their reaction time will be slower and to accomdate them. Then the aid station...yup...put in your order and then by the next lap they'll have your grill cheese sandwich ready for you...gluten free? No problem. Vegan? Also no problem. Seriously. There was also the usual run of pop, candy, chips etc...but there was also chili...regular and vegetarian...and pizza.
So we all line up...and off we go! It's dark..and I'm running far faster than I should be...but I can't slow down...I feel like I'm flying. The first 4km were my fastest of the whole race...after that I was able to dial it back and settle into a more comfortable race pace. A couple of runners would chat as they passed...one woman in particular was always upbeat and did her best to engage me every time. The thing that I actually liked about the dark start was it made the course much easier to navigate. All of the trail tags were reflective so their shiny silver shimmers helped me heading the right direction (as did running 50km there 2 weeks ago).
2 hours later the sun starts to come up...it's nothing spectacular...the cloud cover is heavy...i wouldn't have even noticed except for the owl that flew out in front of me. Yup...I spooked a small owl...wicked awesome. As the light grew stronger peoples paces increased and confidence grew...and then...after passing the second pit...I tripped on a rock covered by leaves. I went down hard. Oh so very very hard. I swore, got up and kept going...but now my knee hurt. Over the course of the next 2 loops I would fall 4 more times...the knee got worse. The IT issue I'd been fighting with for the last 2 months had become a full blown problem.
By the end of hour 3 I was in more pain than I'd even been in before...I knew I couldn't walk...walking hurt worse, so I kept on going. I rolled into base camp and told my husband to get the stick and roll my leg. I dug my fingers into the lawn so deep I actually ripped up grass with roots and mud. I knew with a seized IT it was going to be impossible to hit 50 miles. Tears came. I'd trained for a YEAR for this moment. I Was ready!!!! WHY????? After a hug from my husband I headed back out armed with the realization that my new goal was to simply finish the 12 hours.
As the time wore on I managed to maintain a pretty good pace. after 6 hours I was still on course for a 50 mile finish, but I knew i was slowing down too much. Too much time was being spent at base camp getting fixed...I tried skipping getting rolled one lap...the following lap was excruciating. I had no choice but to stop every time for aid. I remembered the wise words about not letting the pain get inside your head...i tried...dear lord did I try. I made deals with Leroy, i begged, pleaded and argued with Leroy...but Leroy would only fade for a moment...and then come roaring back. Leroy was sticking around for the journey it would seem.
Every dip, every rock, every root, every jolt sent pain up my right side. My foot went totally numb...I kept wondering why would my knee go numb? The head games started to get bad here...I was pissed, I was scared, I was frustrated. Onward I went.
It was somewhere around this point where the internal struggle of how bad did I really want this happened. I was tired of fighting. Would it simply be better to call it a day? No. I couldn't. I don't quit. Ever. I have 2 wonderful ladies coming out to pace me...taking time out of their day to pace ME!! I had a dozen people coming down to cheer me on...nope...I couldn't let them down. So i kept on running. As i came around the corner I could see my friends Glenn and Lisa had arrived...and I wanted to weep with joy...someone else was HERE!! even better though...they had McDonald FRIES!!!!! I stuffed my face with their salty goodness while Chris sticked my leg. Back out I went.
So we all line up...and off we go! It's dark..and I'm running far faster than I should be...but I can't slow down...I feel like I'm flying. The first 4km were my fastest of the whole race...after that I was able to dial it back and settle into a more comfortable race pace. A couple of runners would chat as they passed...one woman in particular was always upbeat and did her best to engage me every time. The thing that I actually liked about the dark start was it made the course much easier to navigate. All of the trail tags were reflective so their shiny silver shimmers helped me heading the right direction (as did running 50km there 2 weeks ago).
2 hours later the sun starts to come up...it's nothing spectacular...the cloud cover is heavy...i wouldn't have even noticed except for the owl that flew out in front of me. Yup...I spooked a small owl...wicked awesome. As the light grew stronger peoples paces increased and confidence grew...and then...after passing the second pit...I tripped on a rock covered by leaves. I went down hard. Oh so very very hard. I swore, got up and kept going...but now my knee hurt. Over the course of the next 2 loops I would fall 4 more times...the knee got worse. The IT issue I'd been fighting with for the last 2 months had become a full blown problem.
By the end of hour 3 I was in more pain than I'd even been in before...I knew I couldn't walk...walking hurt worse, so I kept on going. I rolled into base camp and told my husband to get the stick and roll my leg. I dug my fingers into the lawn so deep I actually ripped up grass with roots and mud. I knew with a seized IT it was going to be impossible to hit 50 miles. Tears came. I'd trained for a YEAR for this moment. I Was ready!!!! WHY????? After a hug from my husband I headed back out armed with the realization that my new goal was to simply finish the 12 hours.
As the time wore on I managed to maintain a pretty good pace. after 6 hours I was still on course for a 50 mile finish, but I knew i was slowing down too much. Too much time was being spent at base camp getting fixed...I tried skipping getting rolled one lap...the following lap was excruciating. I had no choice but to stop every time for aid. I remembered the wise words about not letting the pain get inside your head...i tried...dear lord did I try. I made deals with Leroy, i begged, pleaded and argued with Leroy...but Leroy would only fade for a moment...and then come roaring back. Leroy was sticking around for the journey it would seem.
Every dip, every rock, every root, every jolt sent pain up my right side. My foot went totally numb...I kept wondering why would my knee go numb? The head games started to get bad here...I was pissed, I was scared, I was frustrated. Onward I went.
It was somewhere around this point where the internal struggle of how bad did I really want this happened. I was tired of fighting. Would it simply be better to call it a day? No. I couldn't. I don't quit. Ever. I have 2 wonderful ladies coming out to pace me...taking time out of their day to pace ME!! I had a dozen people coming down to cheer me on...nope...I couldn't let them down. So i kept on running. As i came around the corner I could see my friends Glenn and Lisa had arrived...and I wanted to weep with joy...someone else was HERE!! even better though...they had McDonald FRIES!!!!! I stuffed my face with their salty goodness while Chris sticked my leg. Back out I went.
Eventually Glenn took over crewing for me while Chris went home to let the dog out...these laps were so hard for me...I missed seeing my husbands face. Don't get me wrong...MY friends were amazing...rolling my leg, grabbing me whatever food I needed, rubbing my shoulders...you name it...but I missed my husband. The head is a powerful weapon at this stage of the game...for good or evil...it all depends on where you let it take you.
Onward I went. I was grateful for the 3km loops...they were far more tolerable on my bum leg. Every time I left camp I could barely bend my leg...but by the time I'd hit the forest I had a regular stride going on and I was able to pick up pace. Sometime around 1pm when I came around the corner I could see a giant neon green sign...from a km away...and I could see my name on it. New friends had arrived to cheer and crew for me! My friends Cailin and Roxane (&son) were there cheering for me and it was the sweetest sound ever. As I got close enough to read the sign, tears welled up and I wondered what I'd done to deserve such support.
Everything from here on out got blurry and blends together. It seemed like every lap there were more people there cheering me on. I had my own personal cheering squad that outnumbered the volunteers...heck there were more of them then there were of us in the 12 hour!! I remember my pacers showing up one by one, i remember hugs, i remember more french fries...seriously everyone that showed up brought french fries...it was AWESOME!
I believe somewhere along the course i decided i was an F1 car...not only was i worth millions, sleek and sexy, but I had the pit crew of a champion. Every lap i'd head into pit and it kept getting more elaborate. After the snow started (oh yeah...did i mention the snow and ice pellets that came down in droves...more on that in a bit) someone found a towel...which turned into a blanket at some point. I'd lay down, get sticked, while someone put french fries in my face. My crew seemed to be getting really aggressive with food...didn't they understand I'd just eaten???
Yeah...about that...apparently my brain was wrong...my crew was tracking what I was eating...and apparently I wasn't...but if you'd asked me I would have sworn I was. it would appear that time is no longer a fixed point when you run an ultra...it flexes.
After 11 hours I knew the end was close...but yet all I wanted to do was not run...but the words of Murphy echoed through my head and onwards I went.
With 45 minutes left in the race I was given a choice...one full loop or switch to the short loop. MY crew informed the RD that the last loop had been done in 25 minutes...so I was good to head out for the full loop. As the end of the full loop drew near I was thrilled...I was almost done! As i came into pit row my husband shouted that that i still had 12 minutes left...I could go do a short loop...I flipped him off convinced i was done. 44 miles was good by me. I was done...wasn't i?
Apparently not My pacers said I had to keep going...I said no...they said yes...so back out i went. This time with both pacers. I can't explain why, but I'm SO happy that they were both with me. I was going to finish it with the people who helped me get there, the people who wore tutu's for me, the people who inspired me to become what I am. The short loop was marked out in 100 meter increments...when the whistle would blow you'd see which sign you were by and report it back.
Here's the funny part...i ran the fastest during that last loop. Once there were a mere 2 minutes left on the clock we went into a full out sprint...now keep in mind that that mean a 10:00 minute mile pace but really after 12 hours that's pretty freaking amazing. After 12 hours on my feet I somehow found more gas in the tank...it felt amazing.
Yeah...about that...apparently my brain was wrong...my crew was tracking what I was eating...and apparently I wasn't...but if you'd asked me I would have sworn I was. it would appear that time is no longer a fixed point when you run an ultra...it flexes.
After 11 hours I knew the end was close...but yet all I wanted to do was not run...but the words of Murphy echoed through my head and onwards I went.
With 45 minutes left in the race I was given a choice...one full loop or switch to the short loop. MY crew informed the RD that the last loop had been done in 25 minutes...so I was good to head out for the full loop. As the end of the full loop drew near I was thrilled...I was almost done! As i came into pit row my husband shouted that that i still had 12 minutes left...I could go do a short loop...I flipped him off convinced i was done. 44 miles was good by me. I was done...wasn't i?
Apparently not My pacers said I had to keep going...I said no...they said yes...so back out i went. This time with both pacers. I can't explain why, but I'm SO happy that they were both with me. I was going to finish it with the people who helped me get there, the people who wore tutu's for me, the people who inspired me to become what I am. The short loop was marked out in 100 meter increments...when the whistle would blow you'd see which sign you were by and report it back.
Here's the funny part...i ran the fastest during that last loop. Once there were a mere 2 minutes left on the clock we went into a full out sprint...now keep in mind that that mean a 10:00 minute mile pace but really after 12 hours that's pretty freaking amazing. After 12 hours on my feet I somehow found more gas in the tank...it felt amazing.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Hot
I think the thing that gets me every year is the heat...and the humidity. I was supposed to hit 25km today...instead I only managed 23km. Not terrible, but after this last weeks failure of workouts I'm starting to listen to the voices in my head. The ones that are saying i cant do this...that I'm nuts for even wanting to. The ones that are begging me to quit and enjoy summer for a change.
I just can't seem to let the dream go though. Working out 7 days a week is tough though. All i want to do it have a day or two where I'm not killing myself with workouts. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so, but it would seem that in order to get to a 50 miler you have to work out 7 days a week.
Add to that my extra runs for run club and running BOP with many of the clinics and I'm starting to feel that I'm losing my speed. I know logically it doesn't make sense...i know that if I just had rest days like I used to, I could totally slam out everything I used to. The problem is that by the end of the week I want to cry I'm so tired.
This is what I've worked for though...and it never fails...by the time monday rolls around I'm ready to start over again.
I feel crazy.
I just can't seem to let the dream go though. Working out 7 days a week is tough though. All i want to do it have a day or two where I'm not killing myself with workouts. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so, but it would seem that in order to get to a 50 miler you have to work out 7 days a week.
Add to that my extra runs for run club and running BOP with many of the clinics and I'm starting to feel that I'm losing my speed. I know logically it doesn't make sense...i know that if I just had rest days like I used to, I could totally slam out everything I used to. The problem is that by the end of the week I want to cry I'm so tired.
This is what I've worked for though...and it never fails...by the time monday rolls around I'm ready to start over again.
I feel crazy.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Sometimes things don't go as planned
Well, i'll start by saying that Calgary was perhaps the hardest experience of my life. I won't bore you with all the nitty gritty details, but i did not make the ultra cut off for Calgary...i missed it by about 20 minutes. It was quite possibly the most devastating experience of my life.
I'll save you the horrid story of how i finished, but once i got out of the med tent i ended up running 8 more km in the parking lot to hit 50 km. I have never been so embarrassed and humbled as i was after that run. I did however learn a lot.
The Manitoba Marathon was nothing short of a clusterfuck for me. Pardon the language, but that's the only word that describes my experience with it. All that matters is that i finished it...and in the last mile I passed 3 runners that were trying to make it back before the course cut off as well.
So now I'm a maniac. Woo. Hoo. Excited? Maybe...not really..sort of. It seems like the group is full of conflict...I don't wanna play there much...but i have the gear...or i will very shortly. 2 marathons and a 50km in 37 days...never again. One race at a time girlie, it's too exhausting otherwise.
I have new goals now.
I've set my sights on a 50 mile/12 hour endurance trail race in the fall. Yup. 50 km wasn't enough...I have an 80 km bug that's itching away at me...so I've been training...hard...and I'm tired...a lot.
Here's the deal though...a year ago I was struggling with the idea that I'd even be able to break the 3 hour mark on my 1/2 mary. My current PB is 2:34...and that was achieved with relative ease. Life is good, tiring but good.
I'm struggling with the fact that so many of my run club are also all up into the Ultra thing...i'll admit...part of me is irked...this was totally MY thing...childish i know, but it drives me nuts when they just randomly pick one of my 'holy grail' races that i want to build towards and just go do it...or think they'll do it...well lets just say the petulant child comes out.
The real deal is this: I'm training my ass off...literally. My goals are slow and steady and i have a lot of hard work in front of me, but I will do this. I can do this. I will be amazing. So I'm saying it here...50 miler in October. Followed by a 50 km in May at Spruce woods, which will be a warm up for a 50 miler in June...in St. Regis Montana...the Rail Trail.
I'm almost giddy with excitement. I'm going to be amazing!!! Now i just have to not tell anyone that I run with what my plans are...otherwise I'll have company...and the Rail Spike is MINE. See how silly I am? This must have something to do with the fact that next week I turn 40...my irrational side just seems to be popping out everywhere.
40.
I sense that my 40's are going to be filled with all things fabulous. I may not have everything I assumed I would, but then again I'll have achieved things i never thought possible.
I'll save you the horrid story of how i finished, but once i got out of the med tent i ended up running 8 more km in the parking lot to hit 50 km. I have never been so embarrassed and humbled as i was after that run. I did however learn a lot.
The Manitoba Marathon was nothing short of a clusterfuck for me. Pardon the language, but that's the only word that describes my experience with it. All that matters is that i finished it...and in the last mile I passed 3 runners that were trying to make it back before the course cut off as well.
So now I'm a maniac. Woo. Hoo. Excited? Maybe...not really..sort of. It seems like the group is full of conflict...I don't wanna play there much...but i have the gear...or i will very shortly. 2 marathons and a 50km in 37 days...never again. One race at a time girlie, it's too exhausting otherwise.
I have new goals now.
I've set my sights on a 50 mile/12 hour endurance trail race in the fall. Yup. 50 km wasn't enough...I have an 80 km bug that's itching away at me...so I've been training...hard...and I'm tired...a lot.
Here's the deal though...a year ago I was struggling with the idea that I'd even be able to break the 3 hour mark on my 1/2 mary. My current PB is 2:34...and that was achieved with relative ease. Life is good, tiring but good.
I'm struggling with the fact that so many of my run club are also all up into the Ultra thing...i'll admit...part of me is irked...this was totally MY thing...childish i know, but it drives me nuts when they just randomly pick one of my 'holy grail' races that i want to build towards and just go do it...or think they'll do it...well lets just say the petulant child comes out.
The real deal is this: I'm training my ass off...literally. My goals are slow and steady and i have a lot of hard work in front of me, but I will do this. I can do this. I will be amazing. So I'm saying it here...50 miler in October. Followed by a 50 km in May at Spruce woods, which will be a warm up for a 50 miler in June...in St. Regis Montana...the Rail Trail.
I'm almost giddy with excitement. I'm going to be amazing!!! Now i just have to not tell anyone that I run with what my plans are...otherwise I'll have company...and the Rail Spike is MINE. See how silly I am? This must have something to do with the fact that next week I turn 40...my irrational side just seems to be popping out everywhere.
40.
I sense that my 40's are going to be filled with all things fabulous. I may not have everything I assumed I would, but then again I'll have achieved things i never thought possible.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
That's it?
I don't know what I thought I would feel like when all was said and done...but i know I thought I'd feel more amazing than this. Perhaps the Ultra weighs heavily on my mind. We shall have to wait and see.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
It happened again...
As I'm entering the taper for my marathon training, I've come to the realization that I'm capable of more than I ever though possible. I ran 51 km in 2 days...and I felt fine...better than fine, I felt GREAT. I had another excellent speed session last night and i realized that I'm getting stronger...I'm getting faster...and my calves are starting to officially become the size of a small child's torso...just over 16.5 inches
In the past that would have freaked me out a little. Now I feel a little odd, but I feel good...proud even of the achievements I've made. I'm looking at the 1/2 marathon in 11 days and i know that if I wanted to I could easily hit 2:30...well maybe not easily...it would take effort...but not crazy gargantuan effort...that would be 2:15
Calgary is 39 days away...and while I'm nervous, overall I'm feeling pretty okay. I'm more excited for Fargo...a full marathon...that will be a great day...no time restrictions, no pacing issues, just focusing on having a great run.
The journey is slowly but surely coming to and end...but not really...i have my eye on a 12 hour endurance race in october...so we shall see how this journey goes. Either way I'm excited.
In the past that would have freaked me out a little. Now I feel a little odd, but I feel good...proud even of the achievements I've made. I'm looking at the 1/2 marathon in 11 days and i know that if I wanted to I could easily hit 2:30...well maybe not easily...it would take effort...but not crazy gargantuan effort...that would be 2:15
Calgary is 39 days away...and while I'm nervous, overall I'm feeling pretty okay. I'm more excited for Fargo...a full marathon...that will be a great day...no time restrictions, no pacing issues, just focusing on having a great run.
The journey is slowly but surely coming to and end...but not really...i have my eye on a 12 hour endurance race in october...so we shall see how this journey goes. Either way I'm excited.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Speed Work Triumph
So if I'm going to be honest, last night I was over the moon. I had my first round of speed work in this endeavor and I found myself at the end of it all finishing with a 8:59 m/m, 9:05, 8:50 and a 9:33! I don't know that I've ever moved so fast in my life! We tackled Yasso 800's...four of them.
Not only did I do it, i blew it out of the water. I got home beaming ear to ear...even the husband noticed how happy I was. Once I told him what I'd achieved he was happy for me to...kept looking at me all weird...it may have been pride.
Last year I Was only able to tackle 400 meter sprints...and they were rarely in the 11's...usually 12's...i double checked. Sure maybe it was just a good day...maybe next week I'll have a bad one, but this I know...I've grown. Even my coach was surprised by what I did...like double take surprised when I told her what my times were.
Again I was left out of the group...last person back. This time though it wasn't because I was slow...it was because everyone else slower than me gave up because it was too hard. After 2 I was dead...so i rested a moment and made a deal with myself...just 1 more than i could walk back. Yeah right...as if I'm gonna walk when I could at least attempt to run it.
Never give up, no matter how hard it feels. You never know where you might end up.
Not only did I do it, i blew it out of the water. I got home beaming ear to ear...even the husband noticed how happy I was. Once I told him what I'd achieved he was happy for me to...kept looking at me all weird...it may have been pride.
Last year I Was only able to tackle 400 meter sprints...and they were rarely in the 11's...usually 12's...i double checked. Sure maybe it was just a good day...maybe next week I'll have a bad one, but this I know...I've grown. Even my coach was surprised by what I did...like double take surprised when I told her what my times were.
Again I was left out of the group...last person back. This time though it wasn't because I was slow...it was because everyone else slower than me gave up because it was too hard. After 2 I was dead...so i rested a moment and made a deal with myself...just 1 more than i could walk back. Yeah right...as if I'm gonna walk when I could at least attempt to run it.
Never give up, no matter how hard it feels. You never know where you might end up.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Oh goody...another doubter
Ever notice how easily people express their doubt over something you've chosen to do in your life that may be challenging? Yet another person warned about running Calgary...and how they couldn't do it because of the elevation change.
Yay. Good thing you went out of your way to tell me that...like that never crossed my mind before.
So far I've had 4 people express something positive about Calgary to me. Four. I run with about 50 people on a regular basis.
Good thing I'm not doing this for them, but for me. Good thing I don't need their approval. But to quote the amazing Spencer Reid..."could at least ONE of you looking like you're going to see me again?"
I can hardly wait to prove them all wrong...and then I can walk away from those doubters and rub their faces in it...because as immature as that sounds, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Yay. Good thing you went out of your way to tell me that...like that never crossed my mind before.
So far I've had 4 people express something positive about Calgary to me. Four. I run with about 50 people on a regular basis.
Good thing I'm not doing this for them, but for me. Good thing I don't need their approval. But to quote the amazing Spencer Reid..."could at least ONE of you looking like you're going to see me again?"
I can hardly wait to prove them all wrong...and then I can walk away from those doubters and rub their faces in it...because as immature as that sounds, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Monday, March 31, 2014
20 miles!!!!!!!!
Okay, so I know that I haven't really kept up with the journey, but here's how it goes...I run, I run s'more, i eat, I sleep and then I run...a couple days of rest and then the cycle starts all over again.
I think the hardest thing about the training hasn't been the physical side of it...but more the time it takes. My energy level is next to nothing...I sleep all the time...and if I'm not careful I'll eat everything in sight. It's truly fascinating.
This past weekend I hit my longest distance ever...20.5 miles...should have been 21, but I walked the rest...i was done like dinner. It was the best feeling ever to run it with the people who got me on this journey...okay one of them I dragged along with me...but they're awesome people and I like to keep awesome around me these days.
As i look back on the run I realize that on Saturday, i was there. 20 miles. You never train past it. 6 more miles for the full, 10 more miles for the ultra. The 10 seems intimidating...the 6 not so much. Yes i was totally done after the 20...but...it was more that I no longer had the desire to be running. If I'm honest I also hadn't been fueling up properly...too busy chatting and all. However had that been a race day...I totally could have banged out 6 more miles...and that feels AWESOME!!
This past weekends run also was a lot closer to my Calgary race pace than any other run has been. I averaged around a 13:00m/m pace...and I have to maintain a 12:24 for Calgary. So basically my plan is to run the first 20km around a 12:00m/m pace...just to make sure I reach the cut off in time.
I can see that happening now. Before it was just a goal, now it seems like something I can actually do!!! I already know that I'm going to be facing an uphill battle due to things outside my control. If there's any justice in this world things will even themselves out and race day will be awesome.
2 months until the ultra, 6 weeks until the full, 5 weeks until the 1/2.
Real.
I think the hardest thing about the training hasn't been the physical side of it...but more the time it takes. My energy level is next to nothing...I sleep all the time...and if I'm not careful I'll eat everything in sight. It's truly fascinating.
This past weekend I hit my longest distance ever...20.5 miles...should have been 21, but I walked the rest...i was done like dinner. It was the best feeling ever to run it with the people who got me on this journey...okay one of them I dragged along with me...but they're awesome people and I like to keep awesome around me these days.
As i look back on the run I realize that on Saturday, i was there. 20 miles. You never train past it. 6 more miles for the full, 10 more miles for the ultra. The 10 seems intimidating...the 6 not so much. Yes i was totally done after the 20...but...it was more that I no longer had the desire to be running. If I'm honest I also hadn't been fueling up properly...too busy chatting and all. However had that been a race day...I totally could have banged out 6 more miles...and that feels AWESOME!!
This past weekends run also was a lot closer to my Calgary race pace than any other run has been. I averaged around a 13:00m/m pace...and I have to maintain a 12:24 for Calgary. So basically my plan is to run the first 20km around a 12:00m/m pace...just to make sure I reach the cut off in time.
I can see that happening now. Before it was just a goal, now it seems like something I can actually do!!! I already know that I'm going to be facing an uphill battle due to things outside my control. If there's any justice in this world things will even themselves out and race day will be awesome.
2 months until the ultra, 6 weeks until the full, 5 weeks until the 1/2.
Real.
People still suck
Ever notice that if you step outside the box people put you in they don't like it very much? Yeah. Whispers and snickers abound at the thought of me running an Ultra.
Get over it. Just wait until I complete a trail 50km. Just wait until I complete my first 100 miler.
Suck it.
Get over it. Just wait until I complete a trail 50km. Just wait until I complete my first 100 miler.
Suck it.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
29km round two
Hoo boy...was this a tough one...not so much physically, but the weather totally kicked my ass. The wind at times was so strong and brutal that the air felt like it was being sucked out of my lungs.
Many tantrums were had, I wanted to quit running at 3 different occasions...and even decided I was going to sell my bibs. I must have been crazy for doing this.
To say it didn't go well was an understatement. I was slow, I was agonizingly frustrated.
So I've finally started telling people about my running the 50K...and true to form, the 'lowly' run peeps of mine have been super supportive. The 'elite' twats have said nothing...at all. Seriously. Not a word. They get told and they're silent. Awesome.
Never in my life have I had stronger motivation to finish this thing than I do now. I do believe the second thing that will pass through my head as I finish will be something along the lines of "suck it". The first being something along the lines of OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG...I just ran 50k...I'm awebulous
Many tantrums were had, I wanted to quit running at 3 different occasions...and even decided I was going to sell my bibs. I must have been crazy for doing this.
To say it didn't go well was an understatement. I was slow, I was agonizingly frustrated.
So I've finally started telling people about my running the 50K...and true to form, the 'lowly' run peeps of mine have been super supportive. The 'elite' twats have said nothing...at all. Seriously. Not a word. They get told and they're silent. Awesome.
Never in my life have I had stronger motivation to finish this thing than I do now. I do believe the second thing that will pass through my head as I finish will be something along the lines of "suck it". The first being something along the lines of OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG...I just ran 50k...I'm awebulous
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
29km
I thought I was going to die. Seriously. It was horrid. I hated every second of it and I wanted to know when I could quit...and that was only 1 hour into a 4.5 hour run.
It was one of the most demoralizing, slowest runs I've ever had the misfortune of running. I had sharp stabbing ITB pain through my right knee after the first hour. When I'd stop to walk or get nutrition it seized and was agony.
Still i pushed on. I ended up finishing my 29 km in about 4:15ish...which probably put my average pace to a 15 minute mile. Not what I'd hoped for but totally within reason. My fueling went great, it's just my legs that were dead.
I know that I should take away the good from this, but it's just too frustrating that all my hard work is coming down to what feels like burn out. I have no choice but to maintain a minimum of 12:24 for the ultra. I know i can do that...it'll be tough on the back half but I know that I can do it. This lates round of shitty runs is making me doubt that.
My fall back slow pace is 13:30...slower if I'm injured. Why can't my slow pace be 12:00?
Suddenly the doubt has begun to creep in. I need to train with someone faster, someone who will push me. Not on my own, not with someone slower, I can't afford to fail at this. When the 2 people were told of me running it their faces were blank...no congrats no nothing.
I need to squash it. i need to have faith in what I can do. I need to know that while my personal life is in a huge state of upheaval, something good will come from it.
I need this weekends 29km to not be a disaster. I need it to be a good run. please let it be a good run.
It was one of the most demoralizing, slowest runs I've ever had the misfortune of running. I had sharp stabbing ITB pain through my right knee after the first hour. When I'd stop to walk or get nutrition it seized and was agony.
Still i pushed on. I ended up finishing my 29 km in about 4:15ish...which probably put my average pace to a 15 minute mile. Not what I'd hoped for but totally within reason. My fueling went great, it's just my legs that were dead.
I know that I should take away the good from this, but it's just too frustrating that all my hard work is coming down to what feels like burn out. I have no choice but to maintain a minimum of 12:24 for the ultra. I know i can do that...it'll be tough on the back half but I know that I can do it. This lates round of shitty runs is making me doubt that.
My fall back slow pace is 13:30...slower if I'm injured. Why can't my slow pace be 12:00?
Suddenly the doubt has begun to creep in. I need to train with someone faster, someone who will push me. Not on my own, not with someone slower, I can't afford to fail at this. When the 2 people were told of me running it their faces were blank...no congrats no nothing.
I need to squash it. i need to have faith in what I can do. I need to know that while my personal life is in a huge state of upheaval, something good will come from it.
I need this weekends 29km to not be a disaster. I need it to be a good run. please let it be a good run.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Life makes training hard
I know it's simple. I've heard it a million times before. Life gets in the way of training more times than we care to count.
This time though I think I'm about ready to implode. FIL dying, being asked to instruct my own clinic, ultra training...i feel like I'm about to explode. I find myself crying for no reason. I find myself feeling resentful over the unexpected house guest we've had all week.
Little things like not being able to use my own bathroom whenever I want has pushed me over the edge. and it's silly. but it's true. I want to be able to use MY bathtub. I want to be able to set up my schedule around my training...it's important. Eating out? Not an option. Funny how people who don't run, don't get it.
If i hear one more person tell me I'm stupid because I run...well lets just say it won't be pretty.
I need my support people around me and it's not happening...this is already hard enough now I have 3 times as much stress on my plate...and I don't like it one bit.
Funny thing? So far I haven't missed any of my training.
Dedicated until I drop from exhaustion. That's me. Never in my life, have I hated the fact that my husband's car is only driveable 3 months of the year, than I do right now.
Yeah...I guess this is just a post about complaining. Well...at least it's reflective of real life.
This time though I think I'm about ready to implode. FIL dying, being asked to instruct my own clinic, ultra training...i feel like I'm about to explode. I find myself crying for no reason. I find myself feeling resentful over the unexpected house guest we've had all week.
Little things like not being able to use my own bathroom whenever I want has pushed me over the edge. and it's silly. but it's true. I want to be able to use MY bathtub. I want to be able to set up my schedule around my training...it's important. Eating out? Not an option. Funny how people who don't run, don't get it.
If i hear one more person tell me I'm stupid because I run...well lets just say it won't be pretty.
I need my support people around me and it's not happening...this is already hard enough now I have 3 times as much stress on my plate...and I don't like it one bit.
Funny thing? So far I haven't missed any of my training.
Dedicated until I drop from exhaustion. That's me. Never in my life, have I hated the fact that my husband's car is only driveable 3 months of the year, than I do right now.
Yeah...I guess this is just a post about complaining. Well...at least it's reflective of real life.
Monday, March 3, 2014
26km
Well it finally happened...I ran my longest distance ever yesterday! 26km round and round on an indoor track. It was awesome, it was horrid, it was painful, it was glorious.
about 3 hours in I suddenly realized that when it comes to the Ultra, I was only 1/2 way done my run...and I was running WAY slower than I need to for my race...like 14:00m/m instead of 12:15. I suddenly had the feeling that maybe, just maybe I'd signed up for more than I'm capable of.
Ridiculous. I'm awebulous.
But was it? I mean I know that the training will help me get there and I'll end up running farther and farther each week and eventually with the hill training and the speed work I will get everything done that needs to be done...but...I was so TIRED! 3:45 into my run all i wanted to do was quit. I was over this idea of being a running superstar.
Until the final lap...when I sprinted all the way around at a 7:30 m/m pace.
So they weren't dead. It was all in my head. Interesting. Maybe I can do this after all.
about 3 hours in I suddenly realized that when it comes to the Ultra, I was only 1/2 way done my run...and I was running WAY slower than I need to for my race...like 14:00m/m instead of 12:15. I suddenly had the feeling that maybe, just maybe I'd signed up for more than I'm capable of.
Ridiculous. I'm awebulous.
But was it? I mean I know that the training will help me get there and I'll end up running farther and farther each week and eventually with the hill training and the speed work I will get everything done that needs to be done...but...I was so TIRED! 3:45 into my run all i wanted to do was quit. I was over this idea of being a running superstar.
Until the final lap...when I sprinted all the way around at a 7:30 m/m pace.
So they weren't dead. It was all in my head. Interesting. Maybe I can do this after all.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Smokin' Hill session
It was just what needed. Yesterday I headed back to my garbage hill for some serious hill training. I wasn't sure what to expect but it was better than I'd though it would be so...win!!
A hard packed trail right up the middle let me put what little pedal to the metal I had and while I wasn't as fast as I needed to be I ended up with times between 11:22 and 12:20 m/m for each hill...not bad for 2 days after a 1/2 marathon.
It felt good...and this morning my butt hurts so bad t's unreal...proof I worked hard.
Yeah the 1/2 was disappointing, but I'm only going to get stronger and it just means that next time I'm gonna have to bring it. Learn from this and move forward. Left foot, right foot.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
26km
So this upcoming weekend I have a 26km run on the agenda...needless to say I'm not impressed. All i really want to do is crawl into a hole and hide. Today we're back to -39'C and tomorrow we hit -41'C with extreme windchill. I just don't think I can take it anymore.
I know I'm supposed to be training outdoors with my buddies, but if its this cold again on sunday, I honestly think I would rather head to an indoor track and run for 4 hours. It would be sooooo much nicer...and warmer...and I could stop for food and water and not have the water be icecubes.
Note to self tape hot shots to water belt if I run outside.
I just don't know that I can face another round of 4 hours in the cold...it'll be too much for me to take. I'm already supposed to head out to Garbage hill this morning and I'm avoiding it...because it's so freaking cold. Tomorrows 10km steady will be run on the treadmill. I do think that I'll be skipping run club more and more until the temps warm up...I just don't see myself wanting to run outside any time soon.
Please nature...I beg you...please stop.
I know I'm supposed to be training outdoors with my buddies, but if its this cold again on sunday, I honestly think I would rather head to an indoor track and run for 4 hours. It would be sooooo much nicer...and warmer...and I could stop for food and water and not have the water be icecubes.
Note to self tape hot shots to water belt if I run outside.
I just don't know that I can face another round of 4 hours in the cold...it'll be too much for me to take. I'm already supposed to head out to Garbage hill this morning and I'm avoiding it...because it's so freaking cold. Tomorrows 10km steady will be run on the treadmill. I do think that I'll be skipping run club more and more until the temps warm up...I just don't see myself wanting to run outside any time soon.
Please nature...I beg you...please stop.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Hypothermic 1/2 Marathon
It was cold...and not just that regular cold we're used to but windchill cold. The wind was up to 40km wind gusts and the exposed parts of the route made you think that there was a distinct possibility that your face was going to shatter into a million tiny ice fragments.
The wind pushed and pulled you in every direction. Pelting you with tiny shards of blowing snow. After the first mile I decided to check my watch to make sure I wasn't going too fast...it felt like I was at a 9 minute mile pace so I thought for sure I should slow down. The watch said 12:30. Immediately I thought "okay...it's going to be one of THOSE races is it? All righty then let's do this". I though that 12:30 wasn't too bad...it allowed me a slow build to my inevitable awesome finish.
~sigh~
As soon as we cleared the open fields and entered into the forest I removed my outer layer...the sweat was starting to build and I knew that I was going to be in serious trouble if I ended up soaked...that cold was unforgiving. It didn't matter.
By mile 7 my shirt was actually frozen to my skin (arm), by mile 8 my middle layer (RRX jacket) was frozen solid...i kid you not...the sleeves wouldn't really bend...they crunched.
At this point I since I could see no one around me I knew that I was going to be coming in dead last again. I didn't give up though...I forced myself to keep pushing.
At mile 10 I decided to check my watch...it was here I noticed that I'd only been on course for 2:20...I did a fast mental math and I realized that If I picked it up I could finish in 3 hours...maybe even sub 3....i knew I didn't have any 7 minute kilometers in me so I plowed on as fast as I could with next to zero walk breaks.
I finished in 3:03...taking almost an hour off of my previous finish times for this winter 1/2 marathon. I feel good about that. Yes it felt like a step backwards, but that's only because I've grown so much in the last 9 months. Even just typing that I can't believe it's only been 9 months since I started this hard push towards getting stronger, getting faster.
Last year at this time I was training, hoping that maybe somehow for the WPS i could pull off a 2:59 finish. Now i know that when it comes time for the next big 1/2 push I'm going to come in at 2:15. I can feel it. There's nothing out there keeping me from this other than myself.
I ran this race alone...and I know that made it harder than it needed to be, but it is what it is. I proved to myself that even though i may slow down I won't give up. That's the most important thing i take away from this. For the Ultra I'm going to need to run a 12:00 m/m pace for 6.5 hours. I know I can do that...and I often wonder how hard core they will be...i guess the big thing is that I need to maintain that pace up until the cut off point...the I can walk if I need to.
This race made me stronger. True it made me feel like a bit of a failure...but that's only because I set my goals so incredibly high that there's usually a 90% probability that I'm going to fail. Failure breeds determination. Determination breeds a never quit attitude. I may be dead last across the finish line, but this i know; I worked just as hard as the first guy so I'm worth every reward, every pat on the back and every cheer.
I will never quit.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Nature, you suck
I sit here in the early morning watching the sun slowly start to creep up and all I can hear the wind howling. Last night it snowed again and compounded with the insane winds, I'm fairly sure the footing is going to SUCK out there tomorrow.
I can almost feel my feet battling to make their way through the loose snow. Who know's maybe we'll be luck and the city will actually plow thing today...maybe...but probably not. It's all good though I have a game plan for that.
I've decided to alter my game plan oh so slightly...not the best idea i know but hear me out...i think it'll work. My plan is simple. On stretches where I have clean footing, I'm gonna attempt to fly. On stretches that suck i'll try to let it sip no slower than 13:00m/m.
I'm going to have to break this race down into smaller sections and focus on what's in front of me and not the big picture. Good luck with that.
The training has been done, I'm faster than I ever have been before, I know what not to do.
Fuel, hydrate, run, smile and don't die...pretty simple.
I can almost feel my feet battling to make their way through the loose snow. Who know's maybe we'll be luck and the city will actually plow thing today...maybe...but probably not. It's all good though I have a game plan for that.
I've decided to alter my game plan oh so slightly...not the best idea i know but hear me out...i think it'll work. My plan is simple. On stretches where I have clean footing, I'm gonna attempt to fly. On stretches that suck i'll try to let it sip no slower than 13:00m/m.
I'm going to have to break this race down into smaller sections and focus on what's in front of me and not the big picture. Good luck with that.
The training has been done, I'm faster than I ever have been before, I know what not to do.
Fuel, hydrate, run, smile and don't die...pretty simple.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Doubt
People keep telling me that i should dump my timed goal for this weekend...there are too many outside factors...I should just be happy finishing. The thing is, I won't break if I don't meet my ambitious goals...I won't. I'll be annoyed but find the good in what I did. I always do.
I need to have big goals and dreams...it's what allows me to do what I do. It allows me to reach higher. If i was willing to settle for realistic goals in my life would I have signed up for the Ultra? Would i Have even though that running a full marathon was within my reach when I haven't been able to break 2:30? Nope.
Here's the deal. We all know in our hearts what we're capable of and we don't need to have anyone's doubt expressed to us. We know it. We live it. We hear it echoing around in our brains all day long. What we need to hear is positive reinforcement.
It doesn't matter what the distance we're training for. We know that it's going to be tough. We know that running in winter is hell. I'm still going to do everything I can to get this thing done. The layers will be plenty, the feet will be cold and my face will burn like Hades no matter how much Vaseline will be on it. In the end though it will be worth it. That feeling of crossing my 20th 1/2 marathon finish line will out weigh all discomfort.
Most of all though, if i can manage to do this thing...if I can manage to PB again in winter...there will be nothing I can't do in life.
Now I just need to have nature try and play along with me. Please be kind dear lady, please be kind.
I need to have big goals and dreams...it's what allows me to do what I do. It allows me to reach higher. If i was willing to settle for realistic goals in my life would I have signed up for the Ultra? Would i Have even though that running a full marathon was within my reach when I haven't been able to break 2:30? Nope.
Here's the deal. We all know in our hearts what we're capable of and we don't need to have anyone's doubt expressed to us. We know it. We live it. We hear it echoing around in our brains all day long. What we need to hear is positive reinforcement.
It doesn't matter what the distance we're training for. We know that it's going to be tough. We know that running in winter is hell. I'm still going to do everything I can to get this thing done. The layers will be plenty, the feet will be cold and my face will burn like Hades no matter how much Vaseline will be on it. In the end though it will be worth it. That feeling of crossing my 20th 1/2 marathon finish line will out weigh all discomfort.
Most of all though, if i can manage to do this thing...if I can manage to PB again in winter...there will be nothing I can't do in life.
Now I just need to have nature try and play along with me. Please be kind dear lady, please be kind.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Still running
So there's not much to report. Still training, still running, entering the taper week. I've had a couple of horrid runs and one great run. The great run coming after a couple days of solid rest and proper nutrition...what a surprise!
I'm noticing a stronger level of determination in my mind these days. I still haven't revealed my goal of the ultra to anyone I know...I just know I'll get a negative reaction. People don't seem to think I'm capable of very much. Katy Perry's "dark Horse" had become my new work out pump up song. I know that the lyrics indicate something else, but I really feel like no one's really understanding how hard I've worked this winter to get stronger, to get faster. They only see me being slow and soggy...because in all honesty I was. Everyone has bad runs. This small break in the weather with spring like conditions has been a real game changer. This weekend could go very well if the weather holds out.
Everyone keeps asking me what my target is...I know what my target is. 2:15. I know it means I have to bust ass, but if the footing is good why couldn't I? If nothing else I know that I can hit a 2:20 if I work hard. My fall back is to 2:3? and I know that I want to do at least a 2:40. The problem is the weather. I'm first wave, 8 am and the footing could be shit, the weather could derail me, but I know that I'm going to do the very best that I can and I won't give up this year.
3 years I've run this beast and every year my time is around the 4 hour mark minus a few minutes. The reality of that though is that I've never really properly trained up for it...I've always chickened out when the weather got too bad and to be honest I'd always though I couldn't run distance on the treadmill. Now I know that's not right. I can do anything if I put my mind to it.
There's snow in the forecast...they keep changing when It'll hit and how much of it...that could be the only real downfall. Please oh please let the sidewalks be clear. Please oh please let the footing be amazing. Please oh please let me not give up.
When that first bit of doubt creeps in, please oh please let me remember every slight, every knock. Remember being told I couldn't keep up with the 2:15 group. Please oh please let me smash my PB. Please oh please let me do what I know I'm capable. Remember the lack of belief, remember what was snickered and said...and then remember that if I do this, its like proving them all totally WRONG. It'll be like me rubbing their noses in a giant pile of virtual dog doody. Petty? Maybe. All i know is that if it makes me stronger, gives me what I need, than I will CRUSH this race on Sunday.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Cruise Ship 1/2 MArathon
So I've been absent for a little while...to be truthful there hasn't really been much to say. I run, I run indoors, I'm tired.
Last week my husband and I went on a cruise and we decided on our open cruising day to run a 1/2 marathon on deck. Sounds epic right? Sounds bad ass right? Well there's one thing I didn't take into account...how hard it would be running on a moving ship.
You find your line changing based on each and every heave...for the most part I just tried to keep and eye on who would be behind me and just the the ship toss me where ever it wanted. It was hot...so hot I had heat blisters pop up on my back and shoulders. I consumed little salt packets, GU's and crackers like they were going out of style. It took me about 3:20 to get it done...but then I never stopped the watch when I'd stop for a shade break or to chow down on some much needed fuel.
To be honest it wasn't about time, it was about the achievement...and it felt like quite the achievement. Especially when I turned the corner and found my own personal cheering section. About every 5-10 laps they'd yell out something awesome...then closer to the end they'd pass off water bottles. Awesome people in the strangest of places.
I managed run run in 3 out of the 5 ports...not too shabby. I gave up on the last 2 ports because oh so simply...i didn't want to run. I was tired...plus technically I was tapering...we'll go with that.
Running in the extreme heat and humidity has done one thing I never thought possible...it's made me appreciate running in this cold. Yeah it sucks but that heat sucked the life out of me faster than I could blink.
I just had someone say they're going to slap the first person who complains about the heat this summer...I don't think that's really fair. No one enjoys running in extreme temperatures...plus or minus. I just have my fingers crossed that we have a colder than normal summer to follow this winter...the couch potatoes will whine and bitch, but we'll be out and about playing like nobodys buisness.
Enough. Back to running.
Training is going well. The winter 1/2 marathon is next weekend...so my full training is on pause for the moment. The taper has begun and I have zero desire to fight it. I put in 8 miles on totally dead legs yesterday and it was 7.95 of win. They felt like lead and all I wanted to do was quit from the start. Yay me. We shall see how well I handle the taper...I hope my legs finally get to rest up and feel fresh.
Last week my husband and I went on a cruise and we decided on our open cruising day to run a 1/2 marathon on deck. Sounds epic right? Sounds bad ass right? Well there's one thing I didn't take into account...how hard it would be running on a moving ship.
You find your line changing based on each and every heave...for the most part I just tried to keep and eye on who would be behind me and just the the ship toss me where ever it wanted. It was hot...so hot I had heat blisters pop up on my back and shoulders. I consumed little salt packets, GU's and crackers like they were going out of style. It took me about 3:20 to get it done...but then I never stopped the watch when I'd stop for a shade break or to chow down on some much needed fuel.
To be honest it wasn't about time, it was about the achievement...and it felt like quite the achievement. Especially when I turned the corner and found my own personal cheering section. About every 5-10 laps they'd yell out something awesome...then closer to the end they'd pass off water bottles. Awesome people in the strangest of places.
I managed run run in 3 out of the 5 ports...not too shabby. I gave up on the last 2 ports because oh so simply...i didn't want to run. I was tired...plus technically I was tapering...we'll go with that.
Running in the extreme heat and humidity has done one thing I never thought possible...it's made me appreciate running in this cold. Yeah it sucks but that heat sucked the life out of me faster than I could blink.
I just had someone say they're going to slap the first person who complains about the heat this summer...I don't think that's really fair. No one enjoys running in extreme temperatures...plus or minus. I just have my fingers crossed that we have a colder than normal summer to follow this winter...the couch potatoes will whine and bitch, but we'll be out and about playing like nobodys buisness.
Enough. Back to running.
Training is going well. The winter 1/2 marathon is next weekend...so my full training is on pause for the moment. The taper has begun and I have zero desire to fight it. I put in 8 miles on totally dead legs yesterday and it was 7.95 of win. They felt like lead and all I wanted to do was quit from the start. Yay me. We shall see how well I handle the taper...I hope my legs finally get to rest up and feel fresh.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
I can almost smell the sea salty air
Oh Damn...it's only 1 more sleep until I get to blow this iceburg. I can hardly wait.
Last nights tempo run was anything other than tempo, but that's okay. For the first time it wasn't me that was having trouble with the pace and that's part of all of this...being there to support them when they've stepped up to support you when you're in the same boat. It was nice for once that it wasn't me.
That being said, I'm back to really enjoying the solo runs these days. I have a 10km tempo that I need to bang off on the treadmill today and then it's only warm weather running for the next 10 days!! Woohoo!!
Last nights tempo run was anything other than tempo, but that's okay. For the first time it wasn't me that was having trouble with the pace and that's part of all of this...being there to support them when they've stepped up to support you when you're in the same boat. It was nice for once that it wasn't me.
That being said, I'm back to really enjoying the solo runs these days. I have a 10km tempo that I need to bang off on the treadmill today and then it's only warm weather running for the next 10 days!! Woohoo!!
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Dialed in
Sundays LSR ended up being at the track and wow...did I have a great run. It ended up not being slow...19km in 1:57.
For me that's practically warp speed. It was also a defining moment. It never ever occurred to me that would ever be able to move that fast, that easily. It also showed me that my 2:30 is totally within my reach...hell for WPS I could easily break 2:20.
I don't even know how I ran that but i suspect I know why. I didn't care about time...at all. I ran with every person from my club at some point, which meant I was running for the love of running not stressed out about my pace. I also ran it on next to no sleep so I have zero idea why my body was able to do it.
I'd like to think that I've gotten stronger and tougher but i honestly think that everything just aligned. Kinda like during my weight routine last week where I couldn't do 5 reps of one particular set...until I just decided i could do 10 reps...and I did.
I'm not giving myself an out for the Hypothermic but I am thinking that if the weather breaks and we don't have fresh snow and the footing clear that 2:30 finish will be mine.
The highlight of Sundays run was running with B...a friend that I've always had to chase and usually watch him sail off into the distance. I ran with him. True it was is slow pace, but we weren't really running that slow...and even if it was slow for him, I didn't feel like it was impossible for me to keep that up. I think that having that holy grail running beside me gave me momentum that allowed me to push through the gut rot and just run.
There were even moments when I'd go to pass people and all it felt like i was doing was downshifting...unlike the usual OMG OMG OMG i can't run this fast even to pass someone for 10 feet. It was brilliant.
I feel like i've reached a new point in my training. It's exciting. I can't wait to see what happens next.
For me that's practically warp speed. It was also a defining moment. It never ever occurred to me that would ever be able to move that fast, that easily. It also showed me that my 2:30 is totally within my reach...hell for WPS I could easily break 2:20.
I don't even know how I ran that but i suspect I know why. I didn't care about time...at all. I ran with every person from my club at some point, which meant I was running for the love of running not stressed out about my pace. I also ran it on next to no sleep so I have zero idea why my body was able to do it.
I'd like to think that I've gotten stronger and tougher but i honestly think that everything just aligned. Kinda like during my weight routine last week where I couldn't do 5 reps of one particular set...until I just decided i could do 10 reps...and I did.
I'm not giving myself an out for the Hypothermic but I am thinking that if the weather breaks and we don't have fresh snow and the footing clear that 2:30 finish will be mine.
The highlight of Sundays run was running with B...a friend that I've always had to chase and usually watch him sail off into the distance. I ran with him. True it was is slow pace, but we weren't really running that slow...and even if it was slow for him, I didn't feel like it was impossible for me to keep that up. I think that having that holy grail running beside me gave me momentum that allowed me to push through the gut rot and just run.
There were even moments when I'd go to pass people and all it felt like i was doing was downshifting...unlike the usual OMG OMG OMG i can't run this fast even to pass someone for 10 feet. It was brilliant.
I feel like i've reached a new point in my training. It's exciting. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Anonymity
There's something to be said for the boycott of social media. I found myself yesterday the recipient of one of those fake FB status updates that results in a virtual chain letter that you must propagate by a fake status update yourself.
Ugh. What...are we in grade school?
I found myself seriously offended...to the point of anger, so I had to ask myself why i cared? Was it because they lied? Could be...I have a serious thing about lying. Shortly after that I logged off and stayed off for the rest of the night. It was quiet. I liked it.
For the first time in a long time I feel overexposed...the feeling that everyone knows more about me than I'd like. Don't get me wrong...I don't share all my feelings and shit...I just post my attempts at humor and of course all of my athletic endeavors just to piss off the couch potato's.
Okay sure I have this blog that, with luck no one will ever read...and lets be real I really hope no ones finds this. There's something cathartic about being able to put everything out there while not really putting anything out there.
I've found a new sense of power lately...and I'm pretty sure it comes from not telling people about my 50k run. I think that if i started telling people now it would be because I seek some sort of validation. I'm not...not at all...unless it comes from within. I feel stronger than I ever have before. When I hit a dead spot on the treadmill or during my run, I just seem to be able to push past it. It's so odd it's not even funny.
I feel confident with my upcoming winter 1/2 marathon that if the conditions don't suck, I might, just might be able to smash my PB again. It's like in my head I know that I won't have any trouble hitting 2:39 and 2:30 is easily attainable...hell I might even be able to hit a 2:2anything! Now that would be awesome.
We'll see.
All i know is that the desire to take myself offline is stronger than ever. I wish to be anonymous. Until that moment when I can drop that Ultra bomb on the table and walk away.
Ugh. What...are we in grade school?
I found myself seriously offended...to the point of anger, so I had to ask myself why i cared? Was it because they lied? Could be...I have a serious thing about lying. Shortly after that I logged off and stayed off for the rest of the night. It was quiet. I liked it.
For the first time in a long time I feel overexposed...the feeling that everyone knows more about me than I'd like. Don't get me wrong...I don't share all my feelings and shit...I just post my attempts at humor and of course all of my athletic endeavors just to piss off the couch potato's.
Okay sure I have this blog that, with luck no one will ever read...and lets be real I really hope no ones finds this. There's something cathartic about being able to put everything out there while not really putting anything out there.
I've found a new sense of power lately...and I'm pretty sure it comes from not telling people about my 50k run. I think that if i started telling people now it would be because I seek some sort of validation. I'm not...not at all...unless it comes from within. I feel stronger than I ever have before. When I hit a dead spot on the treadmill or during my run, I just seem to be able to push past it. It's so odd it's not even funny.
I feel confident with my upcoming winter 1/2 marathon that if the conditions don't suck, I might, just might be able to smash my PB again. It's like in my head I know that I won't have any trouble hitting 2:39 and 2:30 is easily attainable...hell I might even be able to hit a 2:2anything! Now that would be awesome.
We'll see.
All i know is that the desire to take myself offline is stronger than ever. I wish to be anonymous. Until that moment when I can drop that Ultra bomb on the table and walk away.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
9 Hills
So my conclusion? 9 Hills on the dreadmill, while extremely physically challenging is no where near as tough mentally as running them at garbage hill.
I like that. A lot. Its shows how far I've come...and after this winter nothing I tackle this summer is going to be as hard as running outdoors in the winter Winnipeg was colder than Mars.
I like that. A lot. Its shows how far I've come...and after this winter nothing I tackle this summer is going to be as hard as running outdoors in the winter Winnipeg was colder than Mars.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
10km Tempo
Ever wonder the purpose of a 10km Tempo run? It's designed to mentally break you I think. Today I faced mine on the treadmill again...and i nailed it. It felt good for the first time in a really long time to not be feeling like I can't do this. I finished that run with energy to spare...until I actually got upstairs. Then I crashed. Hard.
That's okay. I ran on dead legs with a numb left arm. I was planning on heading out to run club tonight to run with some of the newbie runners there but the smell of my husbands dinner is making me droooool. Damn it smells amazing and I want some. So i think I'll abandon the -40 with extreme windchill facing me out there and belly up to the slow cook steak and baked potatos with green beans awaiting me.
I've earned every bite today.
Tomorrow I face hills on the treadmill...because there's not enough $$ in the world to make me run that damn overpass at night again. Plus it's getting close to the event date and at this point what I need is physical strengthening not mental.
Running 9 hills on dead legs is going to be...umm...well...we'll see.
That's okay. I ran on dead legs with a numb left arm. I was planning on heading out to run club tonight to run with some of the newbie runners there but the smell of my husbands dinner is making me droooool. Damn it smells amazing and I want some. So i think I'll abandon the -40 with extreme windchill facing me out there and belly up to the slow cook steak and baked potatos with green beans awaiting me.
I've earned every bite today.
Tomorrow I face hills on the treadmill...because there's not enough $$ in the world to make me run that damn overpass at night again. Plus it's getting close to the event date and at this point what I need is physical strengthening not mental.
Running 9 hills on dead legs is going to be...umm...well...we'll see.
Oh goody, More snow!
I think as I sit here feeling all the aches and pains in my muscles from last nights slippery run I can't help but feel that perhaps, just perhaps I'm ready for Winter to be done. The sad thing is we have over 2 more months of her at the very least. One of those months is jokingly known as the blizzard season round here...I think that if the snow is gone by my first full marathon i should be thrilled.
There's only 8 days left until I escape this arctic snow filled wonderland for 10 whole glorious days...that's providing nature doesn't decide to screw with my plans have have me snowed in somewhere. Please nature be kind to me...just let me get there...on the way back feel free to snow me in as much as you'd like. That I can deal with.
Last nights run was fine. Nothing spectacular, nothing amazing...as a matter of fact I struggled like hell to keep my pace up there...which I think I have to stop talking about. I've noticed a shift in people when It comes about. So for now, I'm tossing speed out the window and sticking with what I do best. Listen to others...it means I don't waste any energy talking myself!
Tonight's run , i suspect will be done during the day...indoors...on my treadmill again. 10km in that shit out there will kill me! That and it's supposed to be -43'C with the extreme windchill again. Oi. I think when this winter is all said and done we need to make ourselves t-shirts to celebrate. Something witty that says something about being colder than mars.
Sunday is supposed to be 18km in the snow and ice so that I get in some good distance before finishing off all the rest of my runs in the warm sandy beach world. I strongly suspect that if we end up with the 2 solid days of snow they're predicting for Friday and Saturday I won't be running outdoors again. If the footings bad it just won't be worth it...and if its cold again...well lets just say running for 2:30 hours on the track isn't really appealing, but the risk of injury is far less.
There's only 8 days left until I escape this arctic snow filled wonderland for 10 whole glorious days...that's providing nature doesn't decide to screw with my plans have have me snowed in somewhere. Please nature be kind to me...just let me get there...on the way back feel free to snow me in as much as you'd like. That I can deal with.
Last nights run was fine. Nothing spectacular, nothing amazing...as a matter of fact I struggled like hell to keep my pace up there...which I think I have to stop talking about. I've noticed a shift in people when It comes about. So for now, I'm tossing speed out the window and sticking with what I do best. Listen to others...it means I don't waste any energy talking myself!
Tonight's run , i suspect will be done during the day...indoors...on my treadmill again. 10km in that shit out there will kill me! That and it's supposed to be -43'C with the extreme windchill again. Oi. I think when this winter is all said and done we need to make ourselves t-shirts to celebrate. Something witty that says something about being colder than mars.
Sunday is supposed to be 18km in the snow and ice so that I get in some good distance before finishing off all the rest of my runs in the warm sandy beach world. I strongly suspect that if we end up with the 2 solid days of snow they're predicting for Friday and Saturday I won't be running outdoors again. If the footings bad it just won't be worth it...and if its cold again...well lets just say running for 2:30 hours on the track isn't really appealing, but the risk of injury is far less.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Yikes
After yesterdays long slow run (which went great BTW), we were sitting here chatting when I suddenly realized that from this point forward other than the taper week right before my winter 1/2 marathon I would be running either very close to or more than a 1/2 marathon every weekend until I actually run the 50km in June.
I started laughing hysterically...not in a good way , not in a bad way...kinda like Cesar did in the original Batman series.
It was that moment of, holy shit...here's where it's going to get tough. Here's where I either break or persevere. Here's where I either grab the salad I made for dinner or a bottle of wine. I chose to skip the latter. I haven't really told anyone what my plans are for this year and I think I'm going to have to soon. The anxiety of keeping this awesomeness inside me is starting to cause creepy, really wrong dreams...plus I think If i just told people I'm running the 50km then I would know what the reaction would be rather than assuming what it would be.
This is where the training gets hard, this is where the training gets serious. This is where everything I've been working for since the day after WFPS comes into play.
Am i scared? a little. Am i terrified? No...just a little worried knowing that I'm going to be running most of this on my own. cool. I can do this. Scratch that. I will do this.
I started laughing hysterically...not in a good way , not in a bad way...kinda like Cesar did in the original Batman series.
It was that moment of, holy shit...here's where it's going to get tough. Here's where I either break or persevere. Here's where I either grab the salad I made for dinner or a bottle of wine. I chose to skip the latter. I haven't really told anyone what my plans are for this year and I think I'm going to have to soon. The anxiety of keeping this awesomeness inside me is starting to cause creepy, really wrong dreams...plus I think If i just told people I'm running the 50km then I would know what the reaction would be rather than assuming what it would be.
This is where the training gets hard, this is where the training gets serious. This is where everything I've been working for since the day after WFPS comes into play.
Am i scared? a little. Am i terrified? No...just a little worried knowing that I'm going to be running most of this on my own. cool. I can do this. Scratch that. I will do this.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Time to end the pity parade
I think that the hardest thing about this journey I'm on is going to be staying positive. After Tuesday brutal run that left me feeling defeated I found myself facing a 10km tempo run on the dreadmill. I'd almost psyched myself totally out of doing it until I realized that my tempo pace for the full training is what my race pace was for my 1/2 training.
Really? I can totally do that! So off I went and with the help of my facebook friends managed to sort of bang out 10km on the dreadmill. It felt good.
Then yesterday I ended up doing my hill session on the dreadmill...HARD...so FREAKIN HARD!!!! but I did it.
Those 2 runs seemed to be all that I needed to make me believe in myself again.
Is this what happens when one aims high? Does one end up doubting what they're capable of? Or is this just my mental fragility? Is there something within myself that just feels so low about herself that she doesn't want herself to succeed?
I just don't know. I know that I'm feeling very raw these days. Like I have so much to be excited about, but I'm afraid to tell the people in my life because I just don't wan the negative reaction to be what I focus on...and trust me it would be negative.
I'm all by myself these days, in life and in running. I think that this is going to force me to toughen up...and facing the 50km Ultra is going to do great things for me. I will do this, I will face this I will succeed at this and I will conquer myself.
Really? I can totally do that! So off I went and with the help of my facebook friends managed to sort of bang out 10km on the dreadmill. It felt good.
Then yesterday I ended up doing my hill session on the dreadmill...HARD...so FREAKIN HARD!!!! but I did it.
Those 2 runs seemed to be all that I needed to make me believe in myself again.
Is this what happens when one aims high? Does one end up doubting what they're capable of? Or is this just my mental fragility? Is there something within myself that just feels so low about herself that she doesn't want herself to succeed?
I just don't know. I know that I'm feeling very raw these days. Like I have so much to be excited about, but I'm afraid to tell the people in my life because I just don't wan the negative reaction to be what I focus on...and trust me it would be negative.
I'm all by myself these days, in life and in running. I think that this is going to force me to toughen up...and facing the 50km Ultra is going to do great things for me. I will do this, I will face this I will succeed at this and I will conquer myself.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Tempo ish my ass
Another 5km Tempo run, run nowhere near tempo pace. Sigh. I feel beaten. I feel defeated. I feel like that girl who constantly needs reaffirmation that what she's doing is the right thing. I hate girls like that. Inside my head I feel like wonder woman...and she hulk, but in my heart I feel like a withered tiny little thing sitting in the corner under a table hiding from everything she's trying to be.
This is a frustrating place to be, this whole lack of self confidence is disconcerting. all this doubt, all this self loathing really has to stop. There's no one to blame for this but me. Something has broke inside me and for the life of me I can't figure out how to fix it. I love running but right now I hate it. I can't stand the thought of running outside...hell even the treadmill.track hold no appeal.
Have a burnt myself out?
Yesterday I broke out in hives on my neck again from stress.Giant awesome pus filled hives.
Perhaps the solution is to ignore the pace...or run a few on the treadmill to actually get the right speeds in. Whatever the solution the awesomeness that is Wonder Woman needs to return. Quickly. I have an ultra to train for.
This is a frustrating place to be, this whole lack of self confidence is disconcerting. all this doubt, all this self loathing really has to stop. There's no one to blame for this but me. Something has broke inside me and for the life of me I can't figure out how to fix it. I love running but right now I hate it. I can't stand the thought of running outside...hell even the treadmill.track hold no appeal.
Have a burnt myself out?
Yesterday I broke out in hives on my neck again from stress.Giant awesome pus filled hives.
Perhaps the solution is to ignore the pace...or run a few on the treadmill to actually get the right speeds in. Whatever the solution the awesomeness that is Wonder Woman needs to return. Quickly. I have an ultra to train for.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Sloooooow Soooooupy Run
Yesterday's Long Slow Run was definitely a slow one, snail slow. I was frustrated for most of the run because I didn't even feel like I was working...except for the footing...no matter what the pace it was all work.
The recent warming trend over the last couple of days, while more than welcome, has created a sloppy wet mess out there...and since the city has yet to clear the sidewalks from the last few snowfalls, it makes footing sketchy at best.
This week we found ourselves with almost no group leaders due to a variety of reasons so that meant you got to either run with the front of the pack or the very back of the pack. Guess where i ended up? Yup...I ended up running something like an average of 15:39m/mile pace for the whole run. Woo. Fricken. Hoo.
If I'm honest this frustrated me like nobody's business...the whole time I just wanted to RUN. However in hindsight it was a good thing...I guess. I got to help encourage other runners, I got to see a few people reach a new longest distance ever run before and I didn't overly strain myself when it came to pace so my recovery today should be almost non existent.
I'm worried though that this is going to become a trend for me. Oh look...she's not fast enough to be with the fast group, let's stick her with the slower group and as a result I never get to improve. I know that you don't run race pace on LSR but if my target RP is an 11:30m/m pace i need to at least be under 13:00!
This clinic has become a source of great frustration for me. This obsession with jamming people into categories has to stop. Everyone runs their own pace, there is no right or wrong pace and forcing people to give up their target goals just isn't right. I know this, I live this, I fight this.
The end result though has become that I just don't think I'm going to run with this clinic group anymore...now that I know what's what. I was forced to run with the slow group because I didn't know the route...shocking...route secrecy? WOW. Push me over with a feather. The reality is that I'm going to be running Fargo and the 50K by myself, so I'd better get used to it.
I keep trying to find something good in it all and I just can't seem to find it. Maybe it's making me stronger mentally, but I just feel like that silly elitism has found it's way back into my life. I still have zero desire to head to tomorrow nights clinic, but I get it. I'm slow. Nowhere as slow as I used to be, but still in comparison to the rest of the group I might as well be walking backwards. Cool. I'm never going to be included and I'm going to have to put on my big girl panties and live with it.
I made the decision to do these running goals this year on my own, I can't rely on other people to constantly reafirm i can do them. If I do I'm just going to find out that I can't...because if i don't believe that I will do them, then I will fail...and I don't do failure. I may miss my goal but I always give it everything I have. I am strong, I am terrified, but I will do this. I will decide what to do the morning of m winter 1/2 marathon...it may be epic, i may juts enjoy the ride...people need to stop telling me to aim low and be happy with whatever I do.
That's not how I roll though. I aim high, reset the aim to even higher and then adjust the day's goals according to what's what that day. Messed up I know, but if I don't have a goal to push for, then I just give up...and can you imagine though if I manage to get my 2:30 / 2:39 / 2:45 finish for the winter 1/2?
It would be amazing. I would feel like a million dollars...however the weather will dictate what happens that day. This I know. Fingers crossed.
The recent warming trend over the last couple of days, while more than welcome, has created a sloppy wet mess out there...and since the city has yet to clear the sidewalks from the last few snowfalls, it makes footing sketchy at best.
This week we found ourselves with almost no group leaders due to a variety of reasons so that meant you got to either run with the front of the pack or the very back of the pack. Guess where i ended up? Yup...I ended up running something like an average of 15:39m/mile pace for the whole run. Woo. Fricken. Hoo.
If I'm honest this frustrated me like nobody's business...the whole time I just wanted to RUN. However in hindsight it was a good thing...I guess. I got to help encourage other runners, I got to see a few people reach a new longest distance ever run before and I didn't overly strain myself when it came to pace so my recovery today should be almost non existent.
I'm worried though that this is going to become a trend for me. Oh look...she's not fast enough to be with the fast group, let's stick her with the slower group and as a result I never get to improve. I know that you don't run race pace on LSR but if my target RP is an 11:30m/m pace i need to at least be under 13:00!
This clinic has become a source of great frustration for me. This obsession with jamming people into categories has to stop. Everyone runs their own pace, there is no right or wrong pace and forcing people to give up their target goals just isn't right. I know this, I live this, I fight this.
The end result though has become that I just don't think I'm going to run with this clinic group anymore...now that I know what's what. I was forced to run with the slow group because I didn't know the route...shocking...route secrecy? WOW. Push me over with a feather. The reality is that I'm going to be running Fargo and the 50K by myself, so I'd better get used to it.
I keep trying to find something good in it all and I just can't seem to find it. Maybe it's making me stronger mentally, but I just feel like that silly elitism has found it's way back into my life. I still have zero desire to head to tomorrow nights clinic, but I get it. I'm slow. Nowhere as slow as I used to be, but still in comparison to the rest of the group I might as well be walking backwards. Cool. I'm never going to be included and I'm going to have to put on my big girl panties and live with it.
I made the decision to do these running goals this year on my own, I can't rely on other people to constantly reafirm i can do them. If I do I'm just going to find out that I can't...because if i don't believe that I will do them, then I will fail...and I don't do failure. I may miss my goal but I always give it everything I have. I am strong, I am terrified, but I will do this. I will decide what to do the morning of m winter 1/2 marathon...it may be epic, i may juts enjoy the ride...people need to stop telling me to aim low and be happy with whatever I do.
That's not how I roll though. I aim high, reset the aim to even higher and then adjust the day's goals according to what's what that day. Messed up I know, but if I don't have a goal to push for, then I just give up...and can you imagine though if I manage to get my 2:30 / 2:39 / 2:45 finish for the winter 1/2?
It would be amazing. I would feel like a million dollars...however the weather will dictate what happens that day. This I know. Fingers crossed.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Windy drift ridden Hill
Hoo boy...was yesterdays hill session a doozy...the winds were out and a bout at 60km and by the time I reached the top my footprints were obliterated.
So say it wasn't my fastest hill session to date would be an understatement. However my heart rate got up to 160, so it can't be all that bad.
The body is starting to feel beat up. I'm not liking this feeling...it's feeling pre injury. You know...that warning your body gives you before you go down for the count? I'm down to running 4 days a week but it's stating to fee like too much with the cold and snow. Who knows, maybe I just need to eat something.
So say it wasn't my fastest hill session to date would be an understatement. However my heart rate got up to 160, so it can't be all that bad.
The body is starting to feel beat up. I'm not liking this feeling...it's feeling pre injury. You know...that warning your body gives you before you go down for the count? I'm down to running 4 days a week but it's stating to fee like too much with the cold and snow. Who knows, maybe I just need to eat something.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Sunny run
So I broke protocol and decided to run on my own yesterday. The sun was out and I needed some Vitamin D to make me happy. If I'm totally honest the thought of running in the dark again was just too much for me to take...added to that the fact that the temperature was due to get down to -39'C again. I just didn't wanna play, so I went out and had my first good run of the winter.
I ignored the watch, I stopped at stoplights, I ran for the joy of running. Something that's been missing lately. I've been working so hard, every run in a HR zone or at a target pace...I just don't seem to have any speed in me these days. I suspect I'm suffering from workout fatigue. I'm beat and all I wanna do is nothing.
The roads are shit this winter due to budget bureaucracy so I don't even feel comfortable on the road. I creep my way to home base and I usually see between 2-4 cars in the ditch or hung up on snow mountains...always facing the wrong direction.
I needed a run like yesterdays like I needed air. The sky was so blue, the air was crisp...and if I'm honest, still too cold when I was running into a head wind. -33'C may not be -50'C but lets be honest, cold is cold.
I passed other runners on the trail, waves and thumbs up were a plenty and it made me happy to feel like I was part of that community again. I danced at intersections not to keep warm, but because I was so freaking happy to just be running at that happy pace. People smiled, people snicked and one even honked and waved at my antics.
Yesterday I ran for my soul, I ran for the joy of it and when darkness fell I was never happier to not have to run in it. I've realized that one of the things that has made winter running easier for me in previous years is that I've ALWAYS run in the daylight. Did I miss my running buddies? Yup. Did I wish I'd been there with them? Sort of...maybe...not really.
So yesterday was neither a 10km tempo or a 7km steady. It was a 6.5km run in the sun. My average moving pace was between 12:00/12:30m/m...but my watch said it was a 13:54m/m pace average...but then I didn't stop the watch at lights...or snowdrifts...of photo ops. I ran for me, I ran for love, I ran because I could...and it felt brilliant.
I'm going to end with a quote that popped up in my facebook feed yesterday, that really hit home for me...so I want to make sure I can find it again when the spirits sink low again.
"One of the most important components of your training is the belief that you will succeed. It is so easy to decide to quit because of the feeling of failure, don't do it. Results are slow to show, but you will see them. Runs that feel like you are running in mud are normal, all runners have them. It can be deflating to read about other peoples runs and know you will never go that fast and you begin to doubt yourself. Don't do it, believe in yourself, be proud of YOUR results, and brag about your runs, you will be surprised how many people you will impress. You are STRONGER than you know."
-Reist Mummau
I ignored the watch, I stopped at stoplights, I ran for the joy of running. Something that's been missing lately. I've been working so hard, every run in a HR zone or at a target pace...I just don't seem to have any speed in me these days. I suspect I'm suffering from workout fatigue. I'm beat and all I wanna do is nothing.
The roads are shit this winter due to budget bureaucracy so I don't even feel comfortable on the road. I creep my way to home base and I usually see between 2-4 cars in the ditch or hung up on snow mountains...always facing the wrong direction.
I needed a run like yesterdays like I needed air. The sky was so blue, the air was crisp...and if I'm honest, still too cold when I was running into a head wind. -33'C may not be -50'C but lets be honest, cold is cold.
I passed other runners on the trail, waves and thumbs up were a plenty and it made me happy to feel like I was part of that community again. I danced at intersections not to keep warm, but because I was so freaking happy to just be running at that happy pace. People smiled, people snicked and one even honked and waved at my antics.
Yesterday I ran for my soul, I ran for the joy of it and when darkness fell I was never happier to not have to run in it. I've realized that one of the things that has made winter running easier for me in previous years is that I've ALWAYS run in the daylight. Did I miss my running buddies? Yup. Did I wish I'd been there with them? Sort of...maybe...not really.
So yesterday was neither a 10km tempo or a 7km steady. It was a 6.5km run in the sun. My average moving pace was between 12:00/12:30m/m...but my watch said it was a 13:54m/m pace average...but then I didn't stop the watch at lights...or snowdrifts...of photo ops. I ran for me, I ran for love, I ran because I could...and it felt brilliant.
I'm going to end with a quote that popped up in my facebook feed yesterday, that really hit home for me...so I want to make sure I can find it again when the spirits sink low again.
"One of the most important components of your training is the belief that you will succeed. It is so easy to decide to quit because of the feeling of failure, don't do it. Results are slow to show, but you will see them. Runs that feel like you are running in mud are normal, all runners have them. It can be deflating to read about other peoples runs and know you will never go that fast and you begin to doubt yourself. Don't do it, believe in yourself, be proud of YOUR results, and brag about your runs, you will be surprised how many people you will impress. You are STRONGER than you know."
-Reist Mummau
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Okay...so maybe they weren't all that bad
There nothing like re-reading your own post to make you realize how much of a douche you sound like...and are acting like. Especially when I look back on my feelings of the first night for each and every clinic that I've been a part of.
I'm going to go with me over reacting to what were some well meant words. It would appear that that chip on my shoulder hasn't really diminished...it seems to be growing...and if I'm totally honest some of the people who rubbed me the wrong way last night, rub me the wrong way all the time.
Here's what I know; at heart they're good people. Can I blame them for acting the way they do? No. People tend to assume that every runner facing a new task feels the way they did when they faced it. I just happen to be a freak...plus I have a secret they don't know. It's the 50K that scares the crap out of me.
I feel that with hard work and smart training I will finish my first full in the 5 hour range...maybe longer maybe a lot longer. It's whatever works. I intend to enjoy the experience and get the most that I can out of the course. I don't want to push full out when I'm tackling a 50km 3 weeks later.
What I need to remember is that every perceived slight is going to make me tougher. Every time my feelings get hurt I need to suck it up and use it for fuel. If they don't think I can do something? Fine. I'll do it and show them. Besides, how cool would it be to actually be able to pull this off? I would be a supernova freaking rockstar!
or not.
I'm going to go with me over reacting to what were some well meant words. It would appear that that chip on my shoulder hasn't really diminished...it seems to be growing...and if I'm totally honest some of the people who rubbed me the wrong way last night, rub me the wrong way all the time.
Here's what I know; at heart they're good people. Can I blame them for acting the way they do? No. People tend to assume that every runner facing a new task feels the way they did when they faced it. I just happen to be a freak...plus I have a secret they don't know. It's the 50K that scares the crap out of me.
I feel that with hard work and smart training I will finish my first full in the 5 hour range...maybe longer maybe a lot longer. It's whatever works. I intend to enjoy the experience and get the most that I can out of the course. I don't want to push full out when I'm tackling a 50km 3 weeks later.
What I need to remember is that every perceived slight is going to make me tougher. Every time my feelings get hurt I need to suck it up and use it for fuel. If they don't think I can do something? Fine. I'll do it and show them. Besides, how cool would it be to actually be able to pull this off? I would be a supernova freaking rockstar!
or not.
Day 1 No chocolate covered pretzels for me
So the day finally came! The first official day of marathon training. I was excited, practically buzzing I was so pumped for the first clinic night. I flitted around the house secure in my knowlage that I was doing the most amazing thing of my life, that the journey was going to be amazing and epic!
I walked into homebase and I was giddy, I could hardly wait for the whole class to get there. It was going to be like every other clinic but better! Wow. Turns out, not so much.
I learned something last night. That this is all about me and if I'm going to go looking for outside reinforcement I need to just not do it. I know that they all meant well but the condescension in the voice was almost overbearing. I'm not going to spend this whole post whining but I will say this. I KNOW i will do this. I'm not some unsure quivering newbie who's afraid she's not going to make it to the end. Stop treating me like I'm a pathetic baby.
I'm strong, I've pushed myself through things you can't even imagine. Don't get me wrong, if you have advice for me, I'd love to hear it. If you have tips and thoughts on my training? Ditto! Just don't placate me, I don't do placate very well.
The mood was a different one than what I'm used to. Maybe I just have blinders on when i comes to the teacher, but shes amazing! Why wouldn't you listen to her? Even when I've silently disagreed with something she's said, I've taken it in, dwelled on it and in some cases headed in a different direction, but one that was perfect for me. There were times that I was positive that I knew better, I'd run 15 1/2 marathons! Turns out I didn't.
The atmosphere was almost combative in many cases last night. I couldn't believe what I was listening to. The cohesive group I though I was walking into, turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of ego's. Is that what happens when you cross that thresh hold into being a marathon runner? I've felt that way about many of the full runners I've come across...like they're better than everyone else...and I guess in some respects they are I just don't think you have to act like it?
Is it inevitable though? When you push yourself and conquer that mental mind barrier do you then set yourself above the rest? I really hope that I don't do that. I love running and I love working with newbie runners, however I never want to make someone feel how I was made to feel last night.
I've come to this clinic to learn, if you haven't fine. Don't then. Just don't interfere with what I'm trying to figure out, don't argue with the instructor please. I've read everything I can on doing this, I've spent my winter lifting weights and strengthening my core to help with this. I'm ready for this.
I'm going to be doing this on my own, this became clear last night when all but 1 person took off like a bat out of hell. They also did a group picture minus the two of us at the back of the pack...since we weren't back yet. Ouch.
So its like that is it?
No worries, bring it on bitches. All this crap is just going to make me stronger.
I walked into homebase and I was giddy, I could hardly wait for the whole class to get there. It was going to be like every other clinic but better! Wow. Turns out, not so much.
I learned something last night. That this is all about me and if I'm going to go looking for outside reinforcement I need to just not do it. I know that they all meant well but the condescension in the voice was almost overbearing. I'm not going to spend this whole post whining but I will say this. I KNOW i will do this. I'm not some unsure quivering newbie who's afraid she's not going to make it to the end. Stop treating me like I'm a pathetic baby.
I'm strong, I've pushed myself through things you can't even imagine. Don't get me wrong, if you have advice for me, I'd love to hear it. If you have tips and thoughts on my training? Ditto! Just don't placate me, I don't do placate very well.
The mood was a different one than what I'm used to. Maybe I just have blinders on when i comes to the teacher, but shes amazing! Why wouldn't you listen to her? Even when I've silently disagreed with something she's said, I've taken it in, dwelled on it and in some cases headed in a different direction, but one that was perfect for me. There were times that I was positive that I knew better, I'd run 15 1/2 marathons! Turns out I didn't.
The atmosphere was almost combative in many cases last night. I couldn't believe what I was listening to. The cohesive group I though I was walking into, turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of ego's. Is that what happens when you cross that thresh hold into being a marathon runner? I've felt that way about many of the full runners I've come across...like they're better than everyone else...and I guess in some respects they are I just don't think you have to act like it?
Is it inevitable though? When you push yourself and conquer that mental mind barrier do you then set yourself above the rest? I really hope that I don't do that. I love running and I love working with newbie runners, however I never want to make someone feel how I was made to feel last night.
I've come to this clinic to learn, if you haven't fine. Don't then. Just don't interfere with what I'm trying to figure out, don't argue with the instructor please. I've read everything I can on doing this, I've spent my winter lifting weights and strengthening my core to help with this. I'm ready for this.
I'm going to be doing this on my own, this became clear last night when all but 1 person took off like a bat out of hell. They also did a group picture minus the two of us at the back of the pack...since we weren't back yet. Ouch.
So its like that is it?
No worries, bring it on bitches. All this crap is just going to make me stronger.
Monday, January 6, 2014
-50'C? No thanks
Sunday morning I awoke to a predicted HIGH of -50'C with Extreme windchill. WTH??? Seriously??? I have 16km on the agenda that I HAVE to get done. ~sigh~
Okay I'm heading to the track, but I'll stop by home base for my run club and see if anyone needs a ride to escape the cold. One guys from our clinic was planning on heading out, and refused to head indoors. Cool. I get it. Sort of. Hey just be safe and cover exposed skin buddy and you'll be great.
Last week at the track I just flew, and time flew by. This week though I started off strong and after 2km I could feel I was done. Shit. Now what? FUEL! Yes, fuel! I'll stop for a GU. Awesome...this is going great...for about 60 seconds. Then I was dead again. What the hell is going on? I had a slow crummy 3 more kilometers before the 2:15 pace group came up behind me and picked me up. It was brilliant, all of a sudden I had someone too talk to and i forgot about how shitty I was doing...and my heart rate seemed to consistently settle in at 160 so I was okay with that again.
It's always frustrating when you hear your group leader remind everyone about how slow we're going...and you feel like you're running at the top end of your comfort scale. No one else in the group said we were running slow...as a matter of fact there weren't a lot of them that could keep up...they kept dropping back. Whatever. I can do this. I will do this. It will get done, suck it up buttercup.
Overall the day was a success though. I had 2 wonderful complements given to me by fellow runners and lets be honest, who doesn't love a complement?
Upon getting home and downloading my data I realized that my overall pace was only 7 seconds faster than last week. How is that possible? I was sick last week! Then I looked at the break down. I was inconsistent as hell. There were a of 11's and 12's but there were also a 13,14 and even a 15. So If I were to guess I would say, I would fly and have a great couple of laps and then slow right down even though it felt like I was still flying. Or our walk breaks were not as fast paced as I like.
I'm paying for it all this morning though. I kept saying to my husband yesterday, I ran a 1/2 marathon today in only 16km be nice to me. He laughed. That's how I feel this morning though. So that's good. It means I worked hard. It also scares me. How am I supposed to tackle the 50km? How am i supposed to get this done? I know training will make a difference but jeepers this scares me.
It doesn't help that I'm keeping it a secret for now. I think I'm going to start my double LSR soon. I don't have to until the end of February but it couldn't hurt to get something in now. I suspect I'm going to be forced indoors for more of the double runs that would like. This cold snap is 5 weeks in already and it doesn't show signs of stopping. Tempers are flaring, grumpiness levels are skyrocketing it's going to get ugly soon if we don't get a real break.
Okay I'm heading to the track, but I'll stop by home base for my run club and see if anyone needs a ride to escape the cold. One guys from our clinic was planning on heading out, and refused to head indoors. Cool. I get it. Sort of. Hey just be safe and cover exposed skin buddy and you'll be great.
Last week at the track I just flew, and time flew by. This week though I started off strong and after 2km I could feel I was done. Shit. Now what? FUEL! Yes, fuel! I'll stop for a GU. Awesome...this is going great...for about 60 seconds. Then I was dead again. What the hell is going on? I had a slow crummy 3 more kilometers before the 2:15 pace group came up behind me and picked me up. It was brilliant, all of a sudden I had someone too talk to and i forgot about how shitty I was doing...and my heart rate seemed to consistently settle in at 160 so I was okay with that again.
It's always frustrating when you hear your group leader remind everyone about how slow we're going...and you feel like you're running at the top end of your comfort scale. No one else in the group said we were running slow...as a matter of fact there weren't a lot of them that could keep up...they kept dropping back. Whatever. I can do this. I will do this. It will get done, suck it up buttercup.
Overall the day was a success though. I had 2 wonderful complements given to me by fellow runners and lets be honest, who doesn't love a complement?
Upon getting home and downloading my data I realized that my overall pace was only 7 seconds faster than last week. How is that possible? I was sick last week! Then I looked at the break down. I was inconsistent as hell. There were a of 11's and 12's but there were also a 13,14 and even a 15. So If I were to guess I would say, I would fly and have a great couple of laps and then slow right down even though it felt like I was still flying. Or our walk breaks were not as fast paced as I like.
I'm paying for it all this morning though. I kept saying to my husband yesterday, I ran a 1/2 marathon today in only 16km be nice to me. He laughed. That's how I feel this morning though. So that's good. It means I worked hard. It also scares me. How am I supposed to tackle the 50km? How am i supposed to get this done? I know training will make a difference but jeepers this scares me.
It doesn't help that I'm keeping it a secret for now. I think I'm going to start my double LSR soon. I don't have to until the end of February but it couldn't hurt to get something in now. I suspect I'm going to be forced indoors for more of the double runs that would like. This cold snap is 5 weeks in already and it doesn't show signs of stopping. Tempers are flaring, grumpiness levels are skyrocketing it's going to get ugly soon if we don't get a real break.
Friday, January 3, 2014
It finally happened...the weather broke me
Last night I had 6 hills scheduled with my run club. 6 times over the overpass, 6 times sucking exhaust, 3 times facing some seriously sucky wind. Then I rolled my ankle, then I broke out there. I would have cried but it was so cold I thought my tears would cause even worse frost bite on my face.
For the first time in 4 years I thought, "Why the FUCK am I out here" This is fucking stupid!!!
I'll spare you the rant but essentially I realized that If I'm going to be running by myself out there why wouldn't I run garbage hill during the day? So that's what I'm going to do.
Starting next week I start my full training officially. That mean no more hills on Tuesdays...which means they'll get bumped to Thursdays and I might as well enjoy myself and run a proper hill. I've bitched about feeling forced towards the indoor track...well my friends no more. I'm running indoors this weekend. I can't stand this cold another second...until next week when we head outdoors again.
Just for the record...it was -39'C with wind chill last night when I did my run...that dark night is just too much. From now on I need to run when it's light outside. I have to, for my sanity.
For the first time in 4 years I thought, "Why the FUCK am I out here" This is fucking stupid!!!
I'll spare you the rant but essentially I realized that If I'm going to be running by myself out there why wouldn't I run garbage hill during the day? So that's what I'm going to do.
Starting next week I start my full training officially. That mean no more hills on Tuesdays...which means they'll get bumped to Thursdays and I might as well enjoy myself and run a proper hill. I've bitched about feeling forced towards the indoor track...well my friends no more. I'm running indoors this weekend. I can't stand this cold another second...until next week when we head outdoors again.
Just for the record...it was -39'C with wind chill last night when I did my run...that dark night is just too much. From now on I need to run when it's light outside. I have to, for my sanity.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2014 Resolution Run
It was awesome, it was tiring, it was fun.
All in all a great way to start off the new year...only thing is tomorrow night is hill night...and it's 6 hills...the problem is I ran 9 hills yesterday by mistake on the dreadmill. Then I pushed hard for a 12:07 average pace for 5km today...i sense tomorrow shan't be fun.
The official training for my full starts next week. Let the Epic begin.
All in all a great way to start off the new year...only thing is tomorrow night is hill night...and it's 6 hills...the problem is I ran 9 hills yesterday by mistake on the dreadmill. Then I pushed hard for a 12:07 average pace for 5km today...i sense tomorrow shan't be fun.
The official training for my full starts next week. Let the Epic begin.
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