Another 5km Tempo run, run nowhere near tempo pace. Sigh. I feel beaten. I feel defeated. I feel like that girl who constantly needs reaffirmation that what she's doing is the right thing. I hate girls like that. Inside my head I feel like wonder woman...and she hulk, but in my heart I feel like a withered tiny little thing sitting in the corner under a table hiding from everything she's trying to be.
This is a frustrating place to be, this whole lack of self confidence is disconcerting. all this doubt, all this self loathing really has to stop. There's no one to blame for this but me. Something has broke inside me and for the life of me I can't figure out how to fix it. I love running but right now I hate it. I can't stand the thought of running outside...hell even the treadmill.track hold no appeal.
Have a burnt myself out?
Yesterday I broke out in hives on my neck again from stress.Giant awesome pus filled hives.
Perhaps the solution is to ignore the pace...or run a few on the treadmill to actually get the right speeds in. Whatever the solution the awesomeness that is Wonder Woman needs to return. Quickly. I have an ultra to train for.
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