I think that the hardest thing about this journey I'm on is going to be staying positive. After Tuesday brutal run that left me feeling defeated I found myself facing a 10km tempo run on the dreadmill. I'd almost psyched myself totally out of doing it until I realized that my tempo pace for the full training is what my race pace was for my 1/2 training.
Really? I can totally do that! So off I went and with the help of my facebook friends managed to sort of bang out 10km on the dreadmill. It felt good.
Then yesterday I ended up doing my hill session on the dreadmill...HARD...so FREAKIN HARD!!!! but I did it.
Those 2 runs seemed to be all that I needed to make me believe in myself again.
Is this what happens when one aims high? Does one end up doubting what they're capable of? Or is this just my mental fragility? Is there something within myself that just feels so low about herself that she doesn't want herself to succeed?
I just don't know. I know that I'm feeling very raw these days. Like I have so much to be excited about, but I'm afraid to tell the people in my life because I just don't wan the negative reaction to be what I focus on...and trust me it would be negative.
I'm all by myself these days, in life and in running. I think that this is going to force me to toughen up...and facing the 50km Ultra is going to do great things for me. I will do this, I will face this I will succeed at this and I will conquer myself.
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