29km

I thought I was going to die. Seriously. It was horrid. I hated every second of it and I wanted to know when I could quit...and that was only 1 hour into a 4.5 hour run.

It was one of the most demoralizing, slowest runs I've ever had the misfortune of running. I had sharp stabbing ITB pain through my right knee after the first hour. When I'd stop to walk or get nutrition it seized and was agony.

Still i pushed on. I ended up finishing my  29 km in about 4:15ish...which probably put my average pace to a 15 minute mile. Not what I'd hoped for but totally within reason. My fueling went great, it's just my legs that were dead.

I know that I should take away the good from this, but it's just too frustrating that all my hard work is coming down to what feels like burn out. I have no choice but to maintain a minimum of 12:24 for the ultra. I know i can do that...it'll be tough on the back half  but I know that I can do it. This lates round of shitty runs is making me doubt that.

My fall back slow pace is 13:30...slower if I'm injured. Why can't my slow pace be 12:00?

Suddenly the doubt has begun to creep in. I need to train with someone faster, someone who will push me. Not on my own, not with someone slower, I can't afford to fail at this. When the 2 people were told of me running it their faces were blank...no congrats no nothing.

I need to squash it. i need to have faith in what I can do. I need to know that while my personal life is in a huge state of upheaval, something good will come from it.

I need this weekends 29km to not be a disaster. I need it to be a good run. please let it be a good run.