I'd pretty much decided that between the -44'C, my head cold and the 2 feet of snow that we got that I wasn't going to run outdoors today. I might have done it if there wasn't all that fresh snow from yesterdays blizzard, but I had zero desire to end up wiped out from fighting nature to get my 14km in.
If I'm honest I was DREADING the track. It was all I could do to make myself go. I was envisioning counting laps and having it drag by...kinda like watching paint dry. You know what happened? I had the best run I've had in ages. I was unencumbered by the multitude of layers, I didn't have to focus so hard on where I was going to put my foot, no ice, no snow ruts and best of all for the first time in MONTHS i was able to crank up my music and just run for the love of running.
I switched the read out on the watch to heart rate and kept it in the range I wanted. My foot pod was synced to track my distance and speed, but we all know that can end up being unreliable, so heart rate training it was.
I was rather impressed...my average was 12:30 m/mile for the entire 14km...and that included stopping for fuel and not stopping the watch a few times...with a head cold...which also made me stop every 10 minutes or so to blow my nose. The fact that I was able to run my old race pace with no issues and little effort made me feel fantastic. Pleased even.
It did show me though that I need to keep pushing and training hard. I though that my pace would pick up naturally with all this hard work...it would seem not. I mean I know I'm sick but still...it's not like it's a brutal chest cold or anything. So my plan is to get back out there and come Tuesday run garbage hill again. Am I excited to continue running in this arctic weather we're having? Nope. Not one bit, but I figure it's only going to make me stronger mentally. I ran 14km on a track by myself today. I plan on running a 1/2 marathon on a track during our vacation. I'll admit I was worried about it, but now I know I can do it no worries.
I could have run longer today...providing I'd stopped for fuel...and that makes me smile. I think with the knowledge that I'm going to be running so much further, these distances that scared me before seem no where near as daunting.
I like it.
Now I just need to ditch this grumpy mood because nothing fits me anymore...at all...a great problem to have I know, but it would appear that i need to become a master seamstress...or win the lottery so i can keep buying new clothes.
Never in a million years did i think that I would be frustrated because I keep losing weight. Ever. First world problems can be awesome.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
I don't wanna...I really, really, really don't wanna
SUCK IT NATURE!!!!
I don't know what you're trying to do to me...maybe you're trying to make me stronger? Maybe you're trying to see what I really have inside me? That last one will happen when they cut me open to make sure it was hypothermia that killed me. This is just NUTS! It's December...only December...we don't get this until January!!!! Holy shit is it going to suck this winter. Soul sucking, life force draining cold has started to make even the hardiest souls question their sanity. I want to run outside more than anything else tomorrow. I can feel it calling me and the thought of paying to run indoors just seems wrong, oh so very wrong.
We shall see what tomorrow brings I guess.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Hills are...BARF
Okay...so i guess when you're not feeling too hot running hills only seems like a good idea. All the way to the hill, i thought...oh my god I'm gonna puke. You know that feeling of flippity, floppity that comes from running while feeling queasy? Well I had in in spades last night.
As a matter of fact I was pretty sure at one point that the bug from ceti alpha five had bred with Alien and they were desperately trying to make their way out of my upper GI tract. It was awful...at one point I started crying and then I remembered my coach's voice yelling at me that crying wastes energy, so I sucked it up and kept at it.
So up the hill I eventually went...and I might add these aren't the real hills...they're the overpass so they're usually easy peasy. Well I made it up the hill...time doesn't matter, what does is where my heart rate was and it was right where it should have been. By the time I made it down the hill I barely managed to clear the path before I hurled. It was mostly bile and GU since I hadn't really eaten much due to the queasiness.
I instantly felt better...so I took it easy right?
Nope.
I plowed back up the hill for what would be my fastest hill time of the night and made it back down the other side before I suffered in indignity of ralphing again, this time in front of my coach who then gave me shit and tried to tell me I was done.
Did i listen? Nope. I finished the remaining 2 hills and then ran back at a rather descent pace.
So what did I learn last night?
I learned that in winter making your coach wait for you while you finish hills in freezing temps is selfish, it never occurred to me that she would wait for me. I felt horrid when I realized she'd been waiting for me to finish and would now run slowly back with me freezing all the way back.
I learned to pay the attention to my heart rate. At the start I was at 208bpm...and that's just plain old freaking stupid. I didn't realize this until I got home and downloaded the data of course, but still.
I learned that when you feel like shit, running can make you feel better, but usually you have to feel worse first.
I learned that If I can barf twice and maintain a 12:30 m/mile pace on the way back for 2km after running 4 hills I can do freaking anything...I'm that awesome...i'm what would have been if Thor and She-Hulk had procreated.
Yup. How's that for a mental picture.
As a matter of fact I was pretty sure at one point that the bug from ceti alpha five had bred with Alien and they were desperately trying to make their way out of my upper GI tract. It was awful...at one point I started crying and then I remembered my coach's voice yelling at me that crying wastes energy, so I sucked it up and kept at it.
So up the hill I eventually went...and I might add these aren't the real hills...they're the overpass so they're usually easy peasy. Well I made it up the hill...time doesn't matter, what does is where my heart rate was and it was right where it should have been. By the time I made it down the hill I barely managed to clear the path before I hurled. It was mostly bile and GU since I hadn't really eaten much due to the queasiness.
I instantly felt better...so I took it easy right?
Nope.
I plowed back up the hill for what would be my fastest hill time of the night and made it back down the other side before I suffered in indignity of ralphing again, this time in front of my coach who then gave me shit and tried to tell me I was done.
Did i listen? Nope. I finished the remaining 2 hills and then ran back at a rather descent pace.
So what did I learn last night?
I learned that in winter making your coach wait for you while you finish hills in freezing temps is selfish, it never occurred to me that she would wait for me. I felt horrid when I realized she'd been waiting for me to finish and would now run slowly back with me freezing all the way back.
I learned to pay the attention to my heart rate. At the start I was at 208bpm...and that's just plain old freaking stupid. I didn't realize this until I got home and downloaded the data of course, but still.
I learned that when you feel like shit, running can make you feel better, but usually you have to feel worse first.
I learned that If I can barf twice and maintain a 12:30 m/mile pace on the way back for 2km after running 4 hills I can do freaking anything...I'm that awesome...i'm what would have been if Thor and She-Hulk had procreated.
Yup. How's that for a mental picture.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Dear Nature: Please Stop. That is all.
Last night we did 5km steady...and it was SAD. I managed to squeak out a 13:11 m/m pace average and that just was painful to do. My leg is fine, CD2 didn't help much but the reality is that since winter hit we've had 3 weeks steady of sub -30'C and it's starting to kill my spirit.
Everyone around me is complaining and tired of the cold...I am too but I see no point in complaining about it...January and February are still ahead of us and that's when the weather really starts to suck ass.
Last night I sweated profusely on my run...like as in when I got back my shirts were soaked all the way through. It doesn't matter how I layer it seems I have a choice...freeze my ass off or sweat. I pick sweat. Being cold makes me cranky and I just can't keep up that happy attitude when nature decides to freeze us out.
I did however cement my decision to take all of next week off from running. I feel burnt out like I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there until spring thaw. What with the craziness of Christmas and all I think it'll help me more to not feel guilty about trying to make running work...and it's only 5 days off...5 glorious days without the whining babies I've been running with lately. Love it.
Back to the cold. I think nature's testing me. She knows what I've been up to and she's telling me that if I'm serious about the 50km, this is what it's going to be like. Sucky.
Time to suck it up.
Everyone around me is complaining and tired of the cold...I am too but I see no point in complaining about it...January and February are still ahead of us and that's when the weather really starts to suck ass.
Last night I sweated profusely on my run...like as in when I got back my shirts were soaked all the way through. It doesn't matter how I layer it seems I have a choice...freeze my ass off or sweat. I pick sweat. Being cold makes me cranky and I just can't keep up that happy attitude when nature decides to freeze us out.
I did however cement my decision to take all of next week off from running. I feel burnt out like I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there until spring thaw. What with the craziness of Christmas and all I think it'll help me more to not feel guilty about trying to make running work...and it's only 5 days off...5 glorious days without the whining babies I've been running with lately. Love it.
Back to the cold. I think nature's testing me. She knows what I've been up to and she's telling me that if I'm serious about the 50km, this is what it's going to be like. Sucky.
Time to suck it up.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Hill Day
Oh man oh man, is it getting tough to keep running my hill in this snow and ice. I slowed down today just because of the very fresh powder that was out there. My feet were slipping and sliding around like crazy.
Perhaps I should preface this post by saying that I really didn't want to be out there today. I didn't even get to the hill until noon...which is me dragging my feet as much as I could. I'm tired, I'm sore and yesterday I was thrilled to find out that the pinched nerve in my ankle wasn't a pinched nerve.
Tendonitis resulting from a super tight right side from the hip down. Prescription from the physio? Voltaren and Ibuprofen. No need to stop running. Love it. However I'm shit-bagged today and all I want is to stay on the couch and veg...but no one ever got to a 50km by giving into the desire to sit on their ass, so out I went.
Every part of me screamed all the way up the hill. I wanted to stop...I actually had to stop on the way up of every single freaking hill. Cheating? Yup. Did I care? Nope. I'd rather stop and grab a quick breathe out of the headwind than give up early and go home. I figure the rules of winter hills are different...you get to make them up as you go along since you're the only one out there.
My up hill times were 13:40, 13:20, 13:40. 12:59, 13:07 and 12:05 m/mile paced...no where near where they have been but it was also CD1 for me and all things considered I think that slow hills are better than no hills. Also when my hearts at 160bpm, it means I was working as hard as I could.
The hill sessions are becoming more about the mental upper of knowing I'm still at it, the ability to say I ran that hill all winter. That hill is what's going to get me to my 50km ultra...not the couch. I juts hope that the cold stays cold and the snow stays low. Crazy I know...so opposite of where I've been my whole life. Everyone else I run with is bitching about the cold. I'd rather run in that cold bundled up nice and tight than lose layers and slip around on that street...for now...ask me again in January...oh wait...in a little over a month I'll be running free and clear in the Caribbean.
Yeah. I can suck this up.
Perhaps I should preface this post by saying that I really didn't want to be out there today. I didn't even get to the hill until noon...which is me dragging my feet as much as I could. I'm tired, I'm sore and yesterday I was thrilled to find out that the pinched nerve in my ankle wasn't a pinched nerve.
Tendonitis resulting from a super tight right side from the hip down. Prescription from the physio? Voltaren and Ibuprofen. No need to stop running. Love it. However I'm shit-bagged today and all I want is to stay on the couch and veg...but no one ever got to a 50km by giving into the desire to sit on their ass, so out I went.
Every part of me screamed all the way up the hill. I wanted to stop...I actually had to stop on the way up of every single freaking hill. Cheating? Yup. Did I care? Nope. I'd rather stop and grab a quick breathe out of the headwind than give up early and go home. I figure the rules of winter hills are different...you get to make them up as you go along since you're the only one out there.
My up hill times were 13:40, 13:20, 13:40. 12:59, 13:07 and 12:05 m/mile paced...no where near where they have been but it was also CD1 for me and all things considered I think that slow hills are better than no hills. Also when my hearts at 160bpm, it means I was working as hard as I could.
The hill sessions are becoming more about the mental upper of knowing I'm still at it, the ability to say I ran that hill all winter. That hill is what's going to get me to my 50km ultra...not the couch. I juts hope that the cold stays cold and the snow stays low. Crazy I know...so opposite of where I've been my whole life. Everyone else I run with is bitching about the cold. I'd rather run in that cold bundled up nice and tight than lose layers and slip around on that street...for now...ask me again in January...oh wait...in a little over a month I'll be running free and clear in the Caribbean.
Yeah. I can suck this up.
Monday, December 16, 2013
-35'C is Delightful!
Sure maybe it had a little something to do not having to push my own pace, true maybe I would have liked to pick up the pace to be able to warm up a bit more but we finished the full distance. Something many of my buddies didn't do...they turned back for a variety of reasons each and every one a sound one. You never flirt with the cold in weather like this. If you're under dressed, turn back...plain and simple.
We ran 10km and finished strong. With an average of 13:48 per mile I wasn't even winded and I love that. It shows how much I've grown over the last 6 months. Next week we move up to 12km and I can't wait to be able to run my own pace again!
There's something happening in my running club though. I think this cold is starting to break them. Veteran runners are talking about moving our run location to an indoor track. Really? We don't even know what the weather is going to be like yet! I'm certain it'll be more of the same so I'm dreading when I have to say thanks, but no thanks. I'll run on my own if I have to. The 1/2 we're training for is at the end of February...which is typically weather like this. Yes this cold sucks, but when you find a clothing combination that works you're fine!
Do i wish I could ditch my thick layers for sleek and sexy run tights? Sure! Am I going to? NO WAY! I bought cheap ski pants for snowshoeing and those are what I'm running in. What happens if they wear out? They wear out. I spent $500.00 this winter on new winter running gear for the smaller body...every piece guaranteed to be all you need to make it through a Winnipeg winter. Each and every one of them failed to do so...individually and combined. So now I fall back to survival training. Thick and warm = awkward but frostbite free!
On a more concerning note it would seem my ankle pain is the result of a closed off tarsal tunnel. Not happy. I don't know if it's just from tight muscles/ligaments but when the rest of the world wakes up this morning I'm going to make a phone call to a physio place. I don't know if I'll get in before Christmas but I sure hope so. It's time to get preventative on this thing...I have big goals set for this year and I'm not going to let this get out of control.
I plan to take the week of Christmas off of running to let my body heal, so here's hoping everything feels better soon.
Friday, December 13, 2013
This girl is on FIRE!
Well no not really...although last night that would have felt better than the stabbing stinging frozen legs that I suffered because I screwed up and underdressed! Stupid me...I won't make that mistake again!
So last night we had out first "official" hill session...although you all know that I've been running my real hill for well...forever. We use the overpass that's closest to our store and use the run there as a warm up. Within seconds of stepping outside I knew I'd made a mistake, the -36'C wind chill cut straight through both of my bottom layers and my calves started to tighten up instantly.
Whatever, I thought...I can do this, I'll just run faster to keep me warm. Yeah. That doesn't actually work with me apparently. You know that feeling when your subcutaneous fat freezes so badly that even touching it hurts? Where the clothes feels like someone's scraping you with pins and razorblades? Well that was me. Stupid, stupid, me.
The upside was I had brilliant hill times. a 9:20, 11:50 and a 10:13...talk about Sweet! I think what I loved was that I was not at the back of the pack...I was leading the hill and by the end of it only the super speedy were ahead of me...even better though was that on the way back the rest of the elite 2:15 pack couldn't keep up with me...they were too tired from the 'hill' session.
I really don't meant to sound bitchy, it's just that it felt so validating...I can do this. I'm not running outside where I should be, I had smoking hot uphill times and that made me feel AWESOME! The run back where I had people chasing me felt even better...in all honesty though I kept picking up speed I Was so cold.
I did however hear one of the nicest things ever. One of the group leaders who's been a big cheerleader for me from the start of this whole journey came up to me and said "Once that snow melts, I'm not going to be able to keep up with you on those hills!"
It felt so good it was insane. I've always said to her 'one day when I grow up I hope I can run as fast as you'. I really love running...and I know deep in my heart that if I can keep this up for the next 2 months I'm going to own everything out there.
I didn't make a mistake registering for the 50K...I'm going to do this...really do this...this is goignt o be the best year of my life...I can feel it in my bones!
So last night we had out first "official" hill session...although you all know that I've been running my real hill for well...forever. We use the overpass that's closest to our store and use the run there as a warm up. Within seconds of stepping outside I knew I'd made a mistake, the -36'C wind chill cut straight through both of my bottom layers and my calves started to tighten up instantly.
Whatever, I thought...I can do this, I'll just run faster to keep me warm. Yeah. That doesn't actually work with me apparently. You know that feeling when your subcutaneous fat freezes so badly that even touching it hurts? Where the clothes feels like someone's scraping you with pins and razorblades? Well that was me. Stupid, stupid, me.
The upside was I had brilliant hill times. a 9:20, 11:50 and a 10:13...talk about Sweet! I think what I loved was that I was not at the back of the pack...I was leading the hill and by the end of it only the super speedy were ahead of me...even better though was that on the way back the rest of the elite 2:15 pack couldn't keep up with me...they were too tired from the 'hill' session.
I really don't meant to sound bitchy, it's just that it felt so validating...I can do this. I'm not running outside where I should be, I had smoking hot uphill times and that made me feel AWESOME! The run back where I had people chasing me felt even better...in all honesty though I kept picking up speed I Was so cold.
I did however hear one of the nicest things ever. One of the group leaders who's been a big cheerleader for me from the start of this whole journey came up to me and said "Once that snow melts, I'm not going to be able to keep up with you on those hills!"
It felt so good it was insane. I've always said to her 'one day when I grow up I hope I can run as fast as you'. I really love running...and I know deep in my heart that if I can keep this up for the next 2 months I'm going to own everything out there.
I didn't make a mistake registering for the 50K...I'm going to do this...really do this...this is goignt o be the best year of my life...I can feel it in my bones!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Don't tell me...
So as I posted yesterday, I decided to register for a 50K ultra that takes place 3 weeks after my first Full marathon. I haven't told anyone yet...and for that I'm thankful. A few people have been asking others if they're running it...when they ask someone who's in my situation the peripheral response seems to be scoffing and eye rolling as if to say "yeah right".
This has reaffirmed my decision to wait and see how I handle training before mentioning it that this is on my radar as a possibility. I really don't know what's going to happen, but just because you think it's crazy for you, don't make it crazy for me.
Four and a half years ago when I decided to go from a 300+lb couch potato to half marathon, many people told me I was nuts. Go for a 10K why don't you...be realistic. I was told I couldn't run...I was too fat. The list goes on and on...people were not shy in expressing their disbelief and their opinions.
Here's the thing. I was over 300 lbs and I taught myself how to run...no fancy clinic, no support network, just me and the memory of my dad to get me through the shitty parts. I finished my 1st 1/2 marathon in 3:20...with not a stitch of walking...because at that point I couldn't do the whole 10 and 1 thing, for if I stopped...I was done.
I did that.
By myself.
When I was in the worst physical condition of my life.
Since then I've learned so much more, I'm such a stronger person, lighter person and most importantly I've discovered how food effects my body. I recover quickly because my whole world revolves around keeping my body fit and healed. If there's a food out there that can hurt my recovery I don't consume it. Post PB celebrations are limited to foods that I'm not intolerant to and the alcohol is also limited...and I go on a super tough toxin purge the next day. I drink so much water that you could float me out of the room.
The day after a 1/2 marathon I could easily head out for a slow 10k run...I've run 1/2 marathons 2 weeks apart before I became what I am.
This will be no different. If you listen to your body and do what you need to do, not what you want to do everything will be fine.
So just because you chose to celebrate your victories with entire bottles of hard liquor and 24 beer, don't judge me by your shitty recovery. Don't get me wrong...if you want to drink all that go right ahead, you've earned it. Don't judge me by the standards you hold for yourself either.
I'm sorry if I remind you that anything is possible if you're willing to sacrifice enough for it. It all comes down to what's important to you...and this is important to me. I have the strongest motivator I the world...the whole reason I started this journey. My dad. I know that he will help me get through the hardest parts of this...because he always does.
This is going to be epic.
This has reaffirmed my decision to wait and see how I handle training before mentioning it that this is on my radar as a possibility. I really don't know what's going to happen, but just because you think it's crazy for you, don't make it crazy for me.
Four and a half years ago when I decided to go from a 300+lb couch potato to half marathon, many people told me I was nuts. Go for a 10K why don't you...be realistic. I was told I couldn't run...I was too fat. The list goes on and on...people were not shy in expressing their disbelief and their opinions.
Here's the thing. I was over 300 lbs and I taught myself how to run...no fancy clinic, no support network, just me and the memory of my dad to get me through the shitty parts. I finished my 1st 1/2 marathon in 3:20...with not a stitch of walking...because at that point I couldn't do the whole 10 and 1 thing, for if I stopped...I was done.
I did that.
By myself.
When I was in the worst physical condition of my life.
Since then I've learned so much more, I'm such a stronger person, lighter person and most importantly I've discovered how food effects my body. I recover quickly because my whole world revolves around keeping my body fit and healed. If there's a food out there that can hurt my recovery I don't consume it. Post PB celebrations are limited to foods that I'm not intolerant to and the alcohol is also limited...and I go on a super tough toxin purge the next day. I drink so much water that you could float me out of the room.
The day after a 1/2 marathon I could easily head out for a slow 10k run...I've run 1/2 marathons 2 weeks apart before I became what I am.
This will be no different. If you listen to your body and do what you need to do, not what you want to do everything will be fine.
So just because you chose to celebrate your victories with entire bottles of hard liquor and 24 beer, don't judge me by your shitty recovery. Don't get me wrong...if you want to drink all that go right ahead, you've earned it. Don't judge me by the standards you hold for yourself either.
I'm sorry if I remind you that anything is possible if you're willing to sacrifice enough for it. It all comes down to what's important to you...and this is important to me. I have the strongest motivator I the world...the whole reason I started this journey. My dad. I know that he will help me get through the hardest parts of this...because he always does.
This is going to be epic.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
I own you
She was a cold beast yesterday but I got 6 of them in before I decided to call it quits. -33'C is going to feel like a dream compared to todays -43'C. This cold snap must end soon...before it blends right into January and it becomes permanent.
The upside my first hill was run at a 10:14 m/m pace...one of my fastest hill times in snow EVER! Woo hoo!! This spring I'm gonna fly!!!!!!!!
Someone needs to take away my ability to register via the internet
Okay...so...I think I may have just committed the most insanely stupid thing I've ever thought of doing. It's not my fault. It's the internets fault...if they didn't make it so easy to register for events...if I actually had to go down in person and register...none of this would have happened.
So in case you haven't guessed it I went a head and registered for my first 50K ultra. Before you start telling me how stupid I am let me explain.
I've been dreaming about running the Calgary 50k for weeks now. It's on my ever present mind. It's a one time run for it's 50th anniversary...all road...literally a dream come true for me. My thoughts are that I would register for it and see how my training takes me for my first full marathon...you see it's 3 weeks after it...the training program calls for a 26 mile straining run right around that time...it's fate!
So before you tell me how stupid I am hear me out. This race is going to sell out...it already has once...while I would love to wait and see how Fargo goes and then register for it, if I do that though I won't be able to...it'll be sold out. Basically in my head it went like this...If I'm willing to gamble and flush $125 if for some reason everything goes horribly wrong, why not take a chance and train for the ultra? If Fargo is an unmitigated disaster I'll sell the bib to someone else. However if Fargo goes Brilliantly, if my recovery is awesome and fabulous...then I'd be kicking myself watching my friends head off to partake in one of the greatest running events of all time.
I know the course is going to be tough and full of hills...not to mention the serious elevation difference...but if I train my ass off for this there's no reason I can't truly make this the best year of my life!
When I started running I told no one...because I knew that if I said I was going to go from an obese couch potatoe to a 1/2 marathon people would have told me I was being to ambitious...hell people did in the end tell me I should train for a 10k or something more realistic. I did it and ran my first 1/2 marathon in 3:20 at 280lbs.
I train smart. I listen to my body. I recover quickly in part to a strict diet pre and post run. I don't indulge in every treat under the sun when I PB...I indulge a bit and then get right back at it. I know in my heart I can do this. I know people who are going and haven't run a full marathon in 6 years...they're in no better shape then I am...sure they may be faster, but I'm getting there.
So the long and the short of it is that I'm telling no one that I've registered...I suspect I'll have to tell my husband when he asks me what the charge on the CC is...but until then I'm incognito. I just don't want people to gossip. Once I prove to them how awesome I am I'll tell them...or once I feel like I can really truly do this.
~gulp~
So in case you haven't guessed it I went a head and registered for my first 50K ultra. Before you start telling me how stupid I am let me explain.
I've been dreaming about running the Calgary 50k for weeks now. It's on my ever present mind. It's a one time run for it's 50th anniversary...all road...literally a dream come true for me. My thoughts are that I would register for it and see how my training takes me for my first full marathon...you see it's 3 weeks after it...the training program calls for a 26 mile straining run right around that time...it's fate!
So before you tell me how stupid I am hear me out. This race is going to sell out...it already has once...while I would love to wait and see how Fargo goes and then register for it, if I do that though I won't be able to...it'll be sold out. Basically in my head it went like this...If I'm willing to gamble and flush $125 if for some reason everything goes horribly wrong, why not take a chance and train for the ultra? If Fargo is an unmitigated disaster I'll sell the bib to someone else. However if Fargo goes Brilliantly, if my recovery is awesome and fabulous...then I'd be kicking myself watching my friends head off to partake in one of the greatest running events of all time.
I know the course is going to be tough and full of hills...not to mention the serious elevation difference...but if I train my ass off for this there's no reason I can't truly make this the best year of my life!
When I started running I told no one...because I knew that if I said I was going to go from an obese couch potatoe to a 1/2 marathon people would have told me I was being to ambitious...hell people did in the end tell me I should train for a 10k or something more realistic. I did it and ran my first 1/2 marathon in 3:20 at 280lbs.
I train smart. I listen to my body. I recover quickly in part to a strict diet pre and post run. I don't indulge in every treat under the sun when I PB...I indulge a bit and then get right back at it. I know in my heart I can do this. I know people who are going and haven't run a full marathon in 6 years...they're in no better shape then I am...sure they may be faster, but I'm getting there.
So the long and the short of it is that I'm telling no one that I've registered...I suspect I'll have to tell my husband when he asks me what the charge on the CC is...but until then I'm incognito. I just don't want people to gossip. Once I prove to them how awesome I am I'll tell them...or once I feel like I can really truly do this.
~gulp~
Monday, December 9, 2013
F-F-F-Frozen
We're in the midst of a freak cold snap around here for the last week or so. Temperatures are consistently in the -40'C range and it's made running tougher than usual. I've still been out there, it's just that it's been so cold you can barely see or think straight.
Cooler heads prevailed over the whole Ultra Marathon debate...tackle one thing at a time and maybe take some time to enjoy this journey before embarking on the next one...besides I plan to do Disney in 2015 and That's going to take up all my extra funding over the next year and yet another out of town run will end up costing me another $500.00...so yeah...no Ultra for me...or at least that's the decision for now.
Back to the arctic front we've been running in...I think the thing that makes it awesome is the total frost face you end up with. There's nothing like the realization that your upper and lower eyelashes have actually frozen together. You debate letting it go, but then you realize you can't really see where you're going. So you take off your mitt and attempt to pull them apart...because removing all the frost might ruin the most epic selfie you plan to take at the end of your run to show how hardcore and awesome you are! The you realize that in spite of being inside your jacket against your body, your camera has actually frozen solid and won't work.
~sigh~
No epic selfie for me this weekend.
...but I did manage to run...just not as far as I'd scheduled...but 5km in -43'C is like 15km in +10'C so it's all good.
Cooler heads prevailed over the whole Ultra Marathon debate...tackle one thing at a time and maybe take some time to enjoy this journey before embarking on the next one...besides I plan to do Disney in 2015 and That's going to take up all my extra funding over the next year and yet another out of town run will end up costing me another $500.00...so yeah...no Ultra for me...or at least that's the decision for now.
Back to the arctic front we've been running in...I think the thing that makes it awesome is the total frost face you end up with. There's nothing like the realization that your upper and lower eyelashes have actually frozen together. You debate letting it go, but then you realize you can't really see where you're going. So you take off your mitt and attempt to pull them apart...because removing all the frost might ruin the most epic selfie you plan to take at the end of your run to show how hardcore and awesome you are! The you realize that in spite of being inside your jacket against your body, your camera has actually frozen solid and won't work.
~sigh~
No epic selfie for me this weekend.
...but I did manage to run...just not as far as I'd scheduled...but 5km in -43'C is like 15km in +10'C so it's all good.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Hills in 50km headwind with snow is awesome.
Yesterday I headed out for another hill session and I swear I though I was going to die. Seriously. The way up the hill was met with 50km headwinds with blowing snow and icey pellets. woo. hoo. However my first sprint up the hill was amazing...I say sprint because is was at a sub10:30 pace...something I didn't think I even had in me!
Happy Dance!
So after a couple more hills I noticed that I was starting to poop out...at one point I had to stop half way up the hill, turn around and try to breathe. The wind was forcing my Hoorag into my mouth...the wind was so strong it was filling my mouth with the only thing protecting my lungs. The thought entered my mind that this was perhaps not the best idea I've ever had. Maybe I should quit? Yeah right, like that's going to happen. So onward and upward I went.
I freely admit that this was by far the hardest thing I've ever tackled, but when I finished I felt like a freaking rock star! Finally that happy rush I used to feel every time I completed a run was BACK! YES!!!
As a side note, since I'm writing this to document the journey...the downside to this feeling can be that you start to think that maybe running a 50K ultra 3 weeks after running your first full marathon is a really great idea! You come perilously to actually registering for it...the fact that it's in Calgary and has a strict time limit on it means nothing to you. I'm pretty sure I've talked some sanity into myself...it would be a bad idea...right? Yeah. Bad idea. elevation, hills, it would kick my ass.
...but it's only 8km more...and really what's 8km after 42?
Monday, December 2, 2013
Really?
Okay, this is starting to get nuts. I need to run for me...not pace others...not be responsible for others...not sacrifice my pursuits so others can learn how to do this. I just finished 2 stints of doing that...I loved it, but now I need to focus on just me.
This journey was supposed to be awesome and fun...and I know it will be...eventually.
I won't write how I'm feeling right now because it would just be negative and self serving, so I need to turn this around.
Never in my life has this felt so shitty.
It was gorgeous this weekend and my times were shit...what's going to happen when it actually gets cold?
Bah Runbug.
This journey was supposed to be awesome and fun...and I know it will be...eventually.
I won't write how I'm feeling right now because it would just be negative and self serving, so I need to turn this around.
Never in my life has this felt so shitty.
It was gorgeous this weekend and my times were shit...what's going to happen when it actually gets cold?
Bah Runbug.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Victory in getting lost
Last night's run felt so freaking good. I'd decided against a tempo run since I'd gotten next to no sleep the night before due to a family emergency. I was going to run it at a 12:00 m/m steady pace...and I did...with little to no effort! AWESOME!
I did however get lost again. Quelle surprise. It was all good though, I knew my way back and truthfully I has zero desire to run down a busy street. My plain old boring regular route is awesome. It was hard packed snow and I just flew...and I loved every second of it.
I think the instructor doesn't like me very much...but that's okay...if speaking up get's me in trouble so be it. That's means you're uncomfortable with the truth.
Dang I can hardly wait for my next clinic...while a great person I just can't wrap my head around the route secrecy. It's weird.
I did however get lost again. Quelle surprise. It was all good though, I knew my way back and truthfully I has zero desire to run down a busy street. My plain old boring regular route is awesome. It was hard packed snow and I just flew...and I loved every second of it.
I think the instructor doesn't like me very much...but that's okay...if speaking up get's me in trouble so be it. That's means you're uncomfortable with the truth.
Dang I can hardly wait for my next clinic...while a great person I just can't wrap my head around the route secrecy. It's weird.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Fresh Powder Run
Well there's nothing like a little affirmation to prove you're not paranoid.
Last nights run was in the middle of our second major snowfall of the year. I couldn't believe how many people made it out. I couldn't believe how hard it was to run in it. I couldn't believe how slow I ran and I didn't care one bit. Just being out there was a victory, however I'm paying for it a bit today...parts of me ache from the extra effort of pushing through loose snow
It's been nice having 2 good feeling runs back to back...it seems like it's all been coming up negative. I think it helped having a talk with the instructor last night. While it didn't make me feel good (the attitude is totally if you can't keep up with the designated pace groups TS) it made me feel less like a paranoid freak.
The concession has been made that I can know the route ahead of time so I'm happy, I might end up having more people join my mid pack group as the distances grow longer...we'll have to wait and see though. I did think it was rather odd though that the answer to what happens if I can't keep up with the pace group I'm in and I have to drop back was stop on route and wait for the next group to catch up.
Yeah...that's so not going to happen in winter for me, sorry. I'll freeze solid and have a miserable run. So the apparent answer is to not ever take another clinic by this particular teacher...which I'm cool with. I don't like elitist attitudes and mindsets and that seems to be the way this ones being run. Thank god I can dump it in January.
Last nights run was in the middle of our second major snowfall of the year. I couldn't believe how many people made it out. I couldn't believe how hard it was to run in it. I couldn't believe how slow I ran and I didn't care one bit. Just being out there was a victory, however I'm paying for it a bit today...parts of me ache from the extra effort of pushing through loose snow
It's been nice having 2 good feeling runs back to back...it seems like it's all been coming up negative. I think it helped having a talk with the instructor last night. While it didn't make me feel good (the attitude is totally if you can't keep up with the designated pace groups TS) it made me feel less like a paranoid freak.
The concession has been made that I can know the route ahead of time so I'm happy, I might end up having more people join my mid pack group as the distances grow longer...we'll have to wait and see though. I did think it was rather odd though that the answer to what happens if I can't keep up with the pace group I'm in and I have to drop back was stop on route and wait for the next group to catch up.
Yeah...that's so not going to happen in winter for me, sorry. I'll freeze solid and have a miserable run. So the apparent answer is to not ever take another clinic by this particular teacher...which I'm cool with. I don't like elitist attitudes and mindsets and that seems to be the way this ones being run. Thank god I can dump it in January.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
It's a love/hate kinda thing
13:05, 11:59, 12:15, 11:33, 12:33, 11:06 on a per minute mile pace were achieved...that's really good for me so I'm thrilled!! The sun was shining, the wind was howling an all I could think about was that I was finally running something that felt really good to me. No one to compete against except me, no drama, no nothing, just me.
I love this hill. It fights me all the way up...I'm pretty sure that there's gravity altering forces on this hill that make my body mass quadruple. There's nothing like that feeling of the burning release when you get to the top.
I was recently told I should run the hills on a treadmill...safer you know. Yeah, I know...so much safer because I totally wouldn't do them. I know me...I need to be accountable and driving for 40 minutes to get to the hill means I'm going to run it...as long as conditions aren't too bad (ie 6 foot drifting).
I really want to run this hill all winter if I can...I will feel indestructible come spring...and when the layers come off and the snow melts I will be so freaking fast I'll be nothing more than a blur.
Garbage hill, you are evil, but I love you.
Monday, November 25, 2013
65km wind
~sigh~
Another long run, another round of tears, another bought of anger and frustration. This is beginning to sound like a broken record. This time the frustration was from not knowing where I was running to. For some reason only the group leaders are told the route...this ensures no one runs outside the designated 4 timing groups...or in my case if you do you end up feeling frustrated and getting lost.
I just don't get it. I really don't. I'm sick and tired of coming home upset. I'm sick and tired of dreading run club. I need to know where I'm going and I truly don't get what the big deal is.
The instructor figures out the route ahead of time, has a private groups set up on social media for the group leaders and sends them a map of the route.
When I ask for the route, it's all hush hush...group leaders only. Really?
I've tried to talk to the instructor and twice now he's walked away from me. I'd like to think it's not on purpose...that maybe being a guy he's just not hearing me, maybe I'm too quiet, maybe I'm just invisible? Either way this guy has become unapproachable to me and I don't wanna play in their exclusive group anymore.
I've had people say, "what pace are you trying for ? I though we had them all covered?". Really? Is it just me? Does no one else realize how freaking INSANE it is to expect everyone to fit into 1 of 4 pace groups? At a finish line there are hundreds of people that come in in between those 15 minute increments. Does it occur to no one that those times aren't an accident? That someone might actually be working for a 2:20 finish?
I guess I'm just disappointed. I've paid money and now I just end up running by myself...at night...in the dark. If that's going to be the case I'd might as well run by myself during the day. The sun's out and I can soak up it's warm goodness without worrying about where I step.
I've worked damn hard to get to where I am, I don't want to get lazy and have to start all over again come spring. I can survive this though...it's not life altering. When I started this I was concerned that my full course overlapped by almost 2 months, how would I chose which group to run with? Now I know...I'm dumping this one faster than a hot potato. I hate the course, I dislike the teaching methods and I resent the bully tactics. What I need to do is figure out a way to make this work for me until January.
I'm strong, I'm weak, I need constant reaffirmation but I will get through this. Somehow. Maybe I can approach this as a mental strengthening exercise?
Another long run, another round of tears, another bought of anger and frustration. This is beginning to sound like a broken record. This time the frustration was from not knowing where I was running to. For some reason only the group leaders are told the route...this ensures no one runs outside the designated 4 timing groups...or in my case if you do you end up feeling frustrated and getting lost.
I just don't get it. I really don't. I'm sick and tired of coming home upset. I'm sick and tired of dreading run club. I need to know where I'm going and I truly don't get what the big deal is.
The instructor figures out the route ahead of time, has a private groups set up on social media for the group leaders and sends them a map of the route.
When I ask for the route, it's all hush hush...group leaders only. Really?
I've tried to talk to the instructor and twice now he's walked away from me. I'd like to think it's not on purpose...that maybe being a guy he's just not hearing me, maybe I'm too quiet, maybe I'm just invisible? Either way this guy has become unapproachable to me and I don't wanna play in their exclusive group anymore.
I've had people say, "what pace are you trying for ? I though we had them all covered?". Really? Is it just me? Does no one else realize how freaking INSANE it is to expect everyone to fit into 1 of 4 pace groups? At a finish line there are hundreds of people that come in in between those 15 minute increments. Does it occur to no one that those times aren't an accident? That someone might actually be working for a 2:20 finish?
I guess I'm just disappointed. I've paid money and now I just end up running by myself...at night...in the dark. If that's going to be the case I'd might as well run by myself during the day. The sun's out and I can soak up it's warm goodness without worrying about where I step.
I've worked damn hard to get to where I am, I don't want to get lazy and have to start all over again come spring. I can survive this though...it's not life altering. When I started this I was concerned that my full course overlapped by almost 2 months, how would I chose which group to run with? Now I know...I'm dumping this one faster than a hot potato. I hate the course, I dislike the teaching methods and I resent the bully tactics. What I need to do is figure out a way to make this work for me until January.
I'm strong, I'm weak, I need constant reaffirmation but I will get through this. Somehow. Maybe I can approach this as a mental strengthening exercise?
Friday, November 22, 2013
Yo-Yo
Crimy this week has been rough. Wednesday night's run was amazing, I decided to just run and forget about the words "tempo" and "steady". I was going to ignore the watch and run for the love of running. It went brilliant. My pace was awesome but more importantly I felt like I'd had a great run.
Then Thursday rolled around. I was totally, utterly exhausted. I slept all day long and really didn't want to head to run club. I sucked it up and went though, however about 1/2 a kilometer into the run I knew in my gut that I just couldn't do it. Correction...I could have pushed through it, but then I would have been miserable and in shitty shape for my long run on Sunday.
I had many ask what happened and I just brushed it off and said I was tired. That was true...sort of...but not entirely. Basically something snapped inside me as I was running ALONE yet again. I couldn't see where I was going, I was exhausted and running by myself. If I was going to continually running by myself why wouldn't I just run during the day when the sun was out? It would keep me warmer and I could see where I was going.
I turned around and headed back. Frustrated, pissed off and truly never wanting to come back to the clinic again. I come home EVERY time and cry because I'm frustrated that I don't fit in. That the group leader seems to go out of it's way to let me know loud and clear that I don't belong there in it's opinion.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm beginning to hate the clinic I paid good money to be a part of.
This is supposed to be the start of a great journey for me. A way to keep myself up until the start of my full marathon clinic...now it just seems to be killing my love of running. I have to figure out a way to deal with this and make it good.
However it's hard to do when you walk in on conversations being had about you...where the content is along the lines of 'drop back and run with ~my name~ she can't keep up with the 2:15 pace.'
Oh what was that? Did you see me come in literally 1 minute after you did? Oh wow, did you not expect me to hear you talking about me because I'm SO slow? Yeah that look on your face says it all.
If you can't say it to my face then shut your mouth princess. I will show you all...I will kick ass and I will do it without help from any of you.
Then Thursday rolled around. I was totally, utterly exhausted. I slept all day long and really didn't want to head to run club. I sucked it up and went though, however about 1/2 a kilometer into the run I knew in my gut that I just couldn't do it. Correction...I could have pushed through it, but then I would have been miserable and in shitty shape for my long run on Sunday.
I had many ask what happened and I just brushed it off and said I was tired. That was true...sort of...but not entirely. Basically something snapped inside me as I was running ALONE yet again. I couldn't see where I was going, I was exhausted and running by myself. If I was going to continually running by myself why wouldn't I just run during the day when the sun was out? It would keep me warmer and I could see where I was going.
I turned around and headed back. Frustrated, pissed off and truly never wanting to come back to the clinic again. I come home EVERY time and cry because I'm frustrated that I don't fit in. That the group leader seems to go out of it's way to let me know loud and clear that I don't belong there in it's opinion.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm beginning to hate the clinic I paid good money to be a part of.
This is supposed to be the start of a great journey for me. A way to keep myself up until the start of my full marathon clinic...now it just seems to be killing my love of running. I have to figure out a way to deal with this and make it good.
However it's hard to do when you walk in on conversations being had about you...where the content is along the lines of 'drop back and run with ~my name~ she can't keep up with the 2:15 pace.'
Oh what was that? Did you see me come in literally 1 minute after you did? Oh wow, did you not expect me to hear you talking about me because I'm SO slow? Yeah that look on your face says it all.
If you can't say it to my face then shut your mouth princess. I will show you all...I will kick ass and I will do it without help from any of you.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Running Solo
I discovered something yesterday. Hills are WAY harder when there's snow on the ground. My body humbled me a little bit and taught me a lesson yesterday. My times up the hill were in the 14:00-15:00 minute mile pace range...and I was putting everything I had into it...and then some.
I realized once I'd finished that as great as I'd felt doing the hills I was probably going to need to dial it back in the coming weeks. I'm tired a lot lately and I'm starting to resent my running club so it might be bet to take a step back.
It definitely pick on me week though at my run club. This time it was someone I respected. If I come home from run club feeling like shit why would I go? I can run by myself, during the day when its sunny and warm and I can feel happy about what I'm doing.
I know my body and I listen to it.
Running has become no longer fun. Perhaps it's time I look at running solo for a while.
I realized once I'd finished that as great as I'd felt doing the hills I was probably going to need to dial it back in the coming weeks. I'm tired a lot lately and I'm starting to resent my running club so it might be bet to take a step back.
It definitely pick on me week though at my run club. This time it was someone I respected. If I come home from run club feeling like shit why would I go? I can run by myself, during the day when its sunny and warm and I can feel happy about what I'm doing.
I know my body and I listen to it.
Running has become no longer fun. Perhaps it's time I look at running solo for a while.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Mental mind games
Wow. Shortly after I wrote yesterdays post I had a total complete melt down...full on sobbing tears. I realized that every single person I'd come into contact with yesterday with the exception of ONE either expressed disbelief that I was okay running with the faster pace group, insinuated I was running faster than I should be or intimated that I was tagging along with the faster pace group and I should be running with the slower paced group.
By the time I got home and settled in I realized what had been eating away at me...I was being made to feel like I had to prove I was strong enough to run with the faster pace group. Everyone else is given a pass, but because I've come so far in the last 6 months everyone still wants me to be who I was not who I am.
Apparently when one doesn't post EVERY single workout and achievement to FACEBOOK it doesn't count towards your fitness level. Your facebook page defines every achievement and if you chose to keep some things private they don't count in life.
Even now as I type this I'm angry and tearing up.
They all talk about being supportive...but apparently when you step outside the box they put you in it disappears.
It's not supportive when you constantly hear "This is a fast pace for you right?" NO
It's not supportive when you constantly have people checking on while running and tell you in a surprised tone "Wow you seem to be doing okay"
It's not supportive when people ask you "yeah, but could you have gone farther?" in a heartbeat.
It's not supportive when you make a person feel like they have to justify why they're running with "your" group.
Do I have a chip on my shoulder? Yup. Am I being overly sensitive? Maybe. All I know is that by the time I start my Full Marathon clinic I will have run 20 1/2 marathons, been running for 4 years and know my body well enough to know what it's capable of and more importantly I listen to it.
Give me a tiny bit of credit. If I make you uncomfortable by stepping outside of a box, don't put me in one. Everyone has a bad run now and again, it doesn't mean anything other than they had a bad run. Maybe they were tired, maybe they thought they were going to end up with runners trots...maybe, just maybe they decided to enjoy the run and not push.
I will do this and I will do it my way on my terms. Deal with it.
By the time I got home and settled in I realized what had been eating away at me...I was being made to feel like I had to prove I was strong enough to run with the faster pace group. Everyone else is given a pass, but because I've come so far in the last 6 months everyone still wants me to be who I was not who I am.
Apparently when one doesn't post EVERY single workout and achievement to FACEBOOK it doesn't count towards your fitness level. Your facebook page defines every achievement and if you chose to keep some things private they don't count in life.
Even now as I type this I'm angry and tearing up.
They all talk about being supportive...but apparently when you step outside the box they put you in it disappears.
It's not supportive when you constantly hear "This is a fast pace for you right?" NO
It's not supportive when you constantly have people checking on while running and tell you in a surprised tone "Wow you seem to be doing okay"
It's not supportive when people ask you "yeah, but could you have gone farther?" in a heartbeat.
It's not supportive when you make a person feel like they have to justify why they're running with "your" group.
Do I have a chip on my shoulder? Yup. Am I being overly sensitive? Maybe. All I know is that by the time I start my Full Marathon clinic I will have run 20 1/2 marathons, been running for 4 years and know my body well enough to know what it's capable of and more importantly I listen to it.
Give me a tiny bit of credit. If I make you uncomfortable by stepping outside of a box, don't put me in one. Everyone has a bad run now and again, it doesn't mean anything other than they had a bad run. Maybe they were tired, maybe they thought they were going to end up with runners trots...maybe, just maybe they decided to enjoy the run and not push.
I will do this and I will do it my way on my terms. Deal with it.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Snow Arrives in the 'peg
I don't know that I would say that I'd forgotten how hard it is to run in the snow because I've never truly been able to feel like i'm flying when I run until this year. Today SUCKED. Every step was twice as hard as it should have been, my feet ended up caked in snow and soaked all the way through.
My pace was significantly slower than I was used to and it felt soooooo frustrating to not be able to run how I like to. That being said If I can keep up my 'slow' pace through winter I suspect that when Spring arrives I'm going to be able to fly.
It was interesting today though...I had several people comment/ask/make reference to the fact that the pace we ran at was too fast for me today. Ummm....not even close. A friend pointed out that they're just not used to how much stronger and faster I've gotten over the last few months. Okay I get it, but it's still some what frustrating. In part that's why I really hate how this clinic has us all going out in specific groups.
In the past it was kind of an en mass things and people of similar paces naturally grouped together. Now you have a choice...2:00, 2:15, 2:30 or to complete. Let's be honest...those are HUGE differences. I'm right in between pace groups and I find it exceedingly frustrating. Do see what word keep popping up here? I don't like feeling like I don't fit in. I don't like feeling like people are judging me by who I used to be.
I'm not stupid. I know my body and I listen to it. I've been running for 4 years...and I've NEVER been sidelined with an injury (other than for a day or two). Why? Because I listen to my body...always. Stop trying to pigeon hole me into a group because I'm like a giant human sized square peg you're trying to jam into a round hole.
I'm starting to realize as I re-read this that I'm having some major issues with what I know at heart are well intentioned people. I don't do well with people telling me what I can and can not do...never have, never will.
Will I ever be thought of as anything other than a slow runner?
Friday, November 15, 2013
Epic Win!
I wasn't really going to post anything from last night's run, but after yesterdays dramatic post of failure it was only fair to follow up with something more positive.
It may not have been an epic win, but it was a win none the less. For some reason I fail to grasp, we're following the schedule to a tee, which means clinic night will never be nothing more than a steady run. Which for me is a waste. I don't need a group atmosphere to do a steady. So rather than whine about it, I decided that I would alter my personal schedule and make it work. I decided that I would run a tempo run instead. It makes perfect sense to me, I need to chase someone, it forces me to go faster and the temptation of really running that closely to 'the big boys' is too strong to resist and it gives me fire.
So for some strange reason the route was only told to group leaders, something that I have a major problem with since I fall in between groups. As could be expected I got lost from the lead group which pissed me off and slowed down my pace for a bit. I decided to use that anger for fuel and by the end of the run I was .08 of a mile short of my goal distance (oops) and I finished with an average time of 10:43 minute/mile. WIN!!!
Everything felt great at the end of the run and when due to me taking a different route and ending up in front of the 2:00 group I heard something that made me feel awesome. I heard from a rather speedy friend "you were really moving, we tried to catch you, but we could only gain on you a bit". It felt like I'd won the lottery. Seriously.
The only thing that disturbs me as of late is my overwhelming obsession with times. If my time is slower than I'd like I feel like a loser. That's dangerous. When my self esteem is tied that closely to what I achieve out there on the pavement, it can only be a recipe for disaster.
I also get the feeling that some people think I'm pushing myself too hard. I totally admit to pushing myself but it's mid November and I can still see pavement. Plus if you don't aim high, you'll never truly know what you're capable of.
It may not have been an epic win, but it was a win none the less. For some reason I fail to grasp, we're following the schedule to a tee, which means clinic night will never be nothing more than a steady run. Which for me is a waste. I don't need a group atmosphere to do a steady. So rather than whine about it, I decided that I would alter my personal schedule and make it work. I decided that I would run a tempo run instead. It makes perfect sense to me, I need to chase someone, it forces me to go faster and the temptation of really running that closely to 'the big boys' is too strong to resist and it gives me fire.
So for some strange reason the route was only told to group leaders, something that I have a major problem with since I fall in between groups. As could be expected I got lost from the lead group which pissed me off and slowed down my pace for a bit. I decided to use that anger for fuel and by the end of the run I was .08 of a mile short of my goal distance (oops) and I finished with an average time of 10:43 minute/mile. WIN!!!
Everything felt great at the end of the run and when due to me taking a different route and ending up in front of the 2:00 group I heard something that made me feel awesome. I heard from a rather speedy friend "you were really moving, we tried to catch you, but we could only gain on you a bit". It felt like I'd won the lottery. Seriously.
The only thing that disturbs me as of late is my overwhelming obsession with times. If my time is slower than I'd like I feel like a loser. That's dangerous. When my self esteem is tied that closely to what I achieve out there on the pavement, it can only be a recipe for disaster.
I also get the feeling that some people think I'm pushing myself too hard. I totally admit to pushing myself but it's mid November and I can still see pavement. Plus if you don't aim high, you'll never truly know what you're capable of.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Epic Fail
This has been a rough week for me. I feel like every run since Sunday has been an epic fail. Tuesdays hill session produced less than desirable results and last nights tempo run was a total epic fail. Last nights failure was in part to running way to fast which lead to one of the most painful upper diaphragm stiches I've ever had.
It would also seem like here I am yet again running by myself. I don't get it. Why do I always seem to be in between? Why can't I get this? Why is everything so freaking hard? How the hell am I going to be expected to do 10K tempo runs when I can't even do a 3km tempo run successfully?
Last night I ended up in the corner flat on my back while I tried to regain control of my breathing and eliminate the agonizing pain in my chest. I was beyond embarrassed and felt humiliated.
Frustration had become a constant companion and I suspect it's because I keep setting overly ambitious goals to try and attain.
Why?
Do I really need to keep training with the 2:15 group? Wouldn't it be easier to go with the 2:30 group? What is it within me that drives me to pick the hardest challenge? I'm tired, I'm burnt out and ready to fall down.
Good thing I have another tempo run scheduled for tonight.
It would also seem like here I am yet again running by myself. I don't get it. Why do I always seem to be in between? Why can't I get this? Why is everything so freaking hard? How the hell am I going to be expected to do 10K tempo runs when I can't even do a 3km tempo run successfully?
Last night I ended up in the corner flat on my back while I tried to regain control of my breathing and eliminate the agonizing pain in my chest. I was beyond embarrassed and felt humiliated.
Frustration had become a constant companion and I suspect it's because I keep setting overly ambitious goals to try and attain.
Why?
Do I really need to keep training with the 2:15 group? Wouldn't it be easier to go with the 2:30 group? What is it within me that drives me to pick the hardest challenge? I'm tired, I'm burnt out and ready to fall down.
Good thing I have another tempo run scheduled for tonight.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Hanging with the big boys
Yesterday was AMAZING. I had my first Long Slow Run with my new half clinic. It was a short and sweet 7km. I don't think I'll get used to how different this instructor is from my last one. This time you got split up into groups based on your finishing time. We had choices but when I asked the 2:30 leader what pace they would be running at I was told just shy of a 13:00 minute mile pace.
I was faced with a dilemma. Do I run with the group I thought I would at a pace that feels painfully slow to me? Or to I attempt to challenge myself with a group that running a little closer to my comfortable challenge pace? I get the purpose of a LSR, really I do, but I know that snow is coming soon and with that snow all the rules change.
So I decided that I would run with the 2:15 pace group...because it's a shorter distance and I was pretty sure I could handle what they had planned...and besides, if I couldn't there were 2 other pace groups behind me that I could fall back into if I was having trouble. So we set off and I cranked my music and fell into place behind what I shall affectionately call...the dudes. I'd missed my music, it's been so long since I could just pop in the ear buds and just run for me. I had a new playlist filled with new music and for the first 3km I thought...I can't run this slow...I just can't. Maybe I won't run 10 and 1's? It was at that precise moment that I mentally bitch slapped myself. Seriously? You know you have 4 more km in front of you right? You know you're not actually a freaking rock star right?
Right. Gotcha. You're gonna feel like poop in about 2 more km. So onward I went.
I don't honestly know if I'm ever going to get the clothing right for winter. After the cursory 1km I took off my gloves, shortly after that I took off my toque and shortly after that my jacket was tied around my waist. Within minutes I was soaked, but running free and soaking up every minute of the challenge.
I could see the 2:00 group just ahead of us and I thought, 'look at me, I'm running with the big boys!' (There were no other girls in my group on this particular day). We turned the corner for our final kilometer and were faced with a pretty brutal head wind...it sucked the joy right out of the run for me. I'd forgotten how much those icy winds suck. I was sooooo tempted to slow down and did for just a few steps before I reminded my self that I could see the finish point up ahead. It's just like the finish line in a race...you NEVER slow down when you see that right? Right.
So on I ran. I will never in a million years forget the look of the faces of my friends that were up in the 2:00 group when they realized I'd come in just behind them with the 2:15's. I saw surprise, a little shock and a whole lot of pride coming from one. Not only did I get a high five from her, but I also got a giant bear hug.
I was on cloud nine. I'd ran with the 2:15 group and I wasn't gasping for air. It was at this precise moment when the thought entered my mind...could I actually maybe train with the 2:15's for the whole clinic?
No Way. Never gonna happen. I haven't even had a 2:30 finish yet!
The thought had permeated my brain though. It was constantly picking at me all the way through breakfast...could I?
I was faced with a barrage of complements and awesomeness when we'd finished the run. So many of the people who ran with me 6 months ago knew that I'd ran an 18:00 minute mile pace. At first it felt great, then I just wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear. It was only 7km I reminded them, there's no snow on the ground, when there is I'll probably have to drop back, the list went on and on.
When I got home I felt like a million bucks and when I told the hubbie what I'd achieved he was so happy for me. The thought kept permeating through my brain though...could I actually keep training with the 2:15 group? Nawwww...there's no way I could do their tempo pace...so I picked up the book and saw that the tempo run I'd done on Thursday was at the pace for a 2:15 finish.
It was then that the glimmer got stronger. Why couldn't I? Why was I already sabotaging myself? If I work hard all winter and keep up the cross training schedule I have in place to help me get stronger for my full, why couldn't I at least try?
So that's why I'm writing this post. A reminder to myself of this precise moment when I realized that I could do something that was never even in my thoughts as a possibility. The brain is a powerful tool and it can be an even more powerful weapon.
I don't know what I'll end up doing, but I know I'm not a quitter...nor am I a complainer. It will be what it will be and hopefully I'll discover something about myself I didn't know was there.
I was faced with a dilemma. Do I run with the group I thought I would at a pace that feels painfully slow to me? Or to I attempt to challenge myself with a group that running a little closer to my comfortable challenge pace? I get the purpose of a LSR, really I do, but I know that snow is coming soon and with that snow all the rules change.
So I decided that I would run with the 2:15 pace group...because it's a shorter distance and I was pretty sure I could handle what they had planned...and besides, if I couldn't there were 2 other pace groups behind me that I could fall back into if I was having trouble. So we set off and I cranked my music and fell into place behind what I shall affectionately call...the dudes. I'd missed my music, it's been so long since I could just pop in the ear buds and just run for me. I had a new playlist filled with new music and for the first 3km I thought...I can't run this slow...I just can't. Maybe I won't run 10 and 1's? It was at that precise moment that I mentally bitch slapped myself. Seriously? You know you have 4 more km in front of you right? You know you're not actually a freaking rock star right?
Right. Gotcha. You're gonna feel like poop in about 2 more km. So onward I went.
I don't honestly know if I'm ever going to get the clothing right for winter. After the cursory 1km I took off my gloves, shortly after that I took off my toque and shortly after that my jacket was tied around my waist. Within minutes I was soaked, but running free and soaking up every minute of the challenge.
I could see the 2:00 group just ahead of us and I thought, 'look at me, I'm running with the big boys!' (There were no other girls in my group on this particular day). We turned the corner for our final kilometer and were faced with a pretty brutal head wind...it sucked the joy right out of the run for me. I'd forgotten how much those icy winds suck. I was sooooo tempted to slow down and did for just a few steps before I reminded my self that I could see the finish point up ahead. It's just like the finish line in a race...you NEVER slow down when you see that right? Right.
So on I ran. I will never in a million years forget the look of the faces of my friends that were up in the 2:00 group when they realized I'd come in just behind them with the 2:15's. I saw surprise, a little shock and a whole lot of pride coming from one. Not only did I get a high five from her, but I also got a giant bear hug.
I was on cloud nine. I'd ran with the 2:15 group and I wasn't gasping for air. It was at this precise moment when the thought entered my mind...could I actually maybe train with the 2:15's for the whole clinic?
No Way. Never gonna happen. I haven't even had a 2:30 finish yet!
The thought had permeated my brain though. It was constantly picking at me all the way through breakfast...could I?
I was faced with a barrage of complements and awesomeness when we'd finished the run. So many of the people who ran with me 6 months ago knew that I'd ran an 18:00 minute mile pace. At first it felt great, then I just wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear. It was only 7km I reminded them, there's no snow on the ground, when there is I'll probably have to drop back, the list went on and on.
When I got home I felt like a million bucks and when I told the hubbie what I'd achieved he was so happy for me. The thought kept permeating through my brain though...could I actually keep training with the 2:15 group? Nawwww...there's no way I could do their tempo pace...so I picked up the book and saw that the tempo run I'd done on Thursday was at the pace for a 2:15 finish.
It was then that the glimmer got stronger. Why couldn't I? Why was I already sabotaging myself? If I work hard all winter and keep up the cross training schedule I have in place to help me get stronger for my full, why couldn't I at least try?
So that's why I'm writing this post. A reminder to myself of this precise moment when I realized that I could do something that was never even in my thoughts as a possibility. The brain is a powerful tool and it can be an even more powerful weapon.
I don't know what I'll end up doing, but I know I'm not a quitter...nor am I a complainer. It will be what it will be and hopefully I'll discover something about myself I didn't know was there.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Never look forward
So last night I had one of my best runs in a long time...sure it was only 3km but it was a tempo run and I've never run so fast before. I averaged a 10:40 minute mile pace for the whole run and for me that's freaking amazing! I was totally stoked!!
Then at about 3am I was awakened with one heck of a back spasm. Basically my glutes cramped up and left me alternating between the heating pad and walking circles of the house to loosen them up. It sucked. However by mid day I was feeling more human so I decided to hammer out on my calendar what my training schedule is going to be like for my first full marathon.
That's when I realized my clinic for my winter half is going to overlap my full marathon clinic by almost 2 months. Say WHA? Okay I can do this...let's just write it all down so I can see what I'm dealing with.
Biggest mistake ever. To look at it all laid out like that has created the most gigantic 'holy shit' feeling I've ever had. I'm terrified...then I realized I'm going to be training like a crazy woman through January and February to make sure I hit both goals. GULP. Calm down. I can do this.
Then I realized that for my first grown up, big girl, hotspot vacation I'm going to have to do not one major LSD but two. An 18km and a 20km. Not to mention 10km Tempo runs (Holy poopers!!! Can even do that???) and Speed work.
Look I know there's a track on board not to mention treadmills, but I'd really, kinda hoped to truly enjoy this vacation...so now I'm going to have to figure out a balance. It's all good...really...but I think I should have waited to lay everything out...then again this has made me realize that there's no way I can afford to miss any of my cross training/core strengthening sessions right now...no matter how tired or sore I am.
I'm scared.
...but I will do this...
Then at about 3am I was awakened with one heck of a back spasm. Basically my glutes cramped up and left me alternating between the heating pad and walking circles of the house to loosen them up. It sucked. However by mid day I was feeling more human so I decided to hammer out on my calendar what my training schedule is going to be like for my first full marathon.
That's when I realized my clinic for my winter half is going to overlap my full marathon clinic by almost 2 months. Say WHA? Okay I can do this...let's just write it all down so I can see what I'm dealing with.
Biggest mistake ever. To look at it all laid out like that has created the most gigantic 'holy shit' feeling I've ever had. I'm terrified...then I realized I'm going to be training like a crazy woman through January and February to make sure I hit both goals. GULP. Calm down. I can do this.
Then I realized that for my first grown up, big girl, hotspot vacation I'm going to have to do not one major LSD but two. An 18km and a 20km. Not to mention 10km Tempo runs (Holy poopers!!! Can even do that???) and Speed work.
Look I know there's a track on board not to mention treadmills, but I'd really, kinda hoped to truly enjoy this vacation...so now I'm going to have to figure out a balance. It's all good...really...but I think I should have waited to lay everything out...then again this has made me realize that there's no way I can afford to miss any of my cross training/core strengthening sessions right now...no matter how tired or sore I am.
I'm scared.
...but I will do this...
Thursday, November 7, 2013
*confirm registration* Gulp...what did i just do?
You know that feeling...the feeling you have after you've registered for an event you're not quite sure you're ready for. That happened to me a couple of months ago. After a particularly long post run coffee session where fellow runners and good friends convinced me that I'm more than ready to attempt my first full marathon. I did what all sane people do...I slept on it...for days...but the more I thought about it the more I realized they were right.
I've run 18 1/2 marathons in 3.5 years and took significant time off of my finishing times this year...I PB'd 3 times in less than ideal conditions...and to top it off the course is being taught by a good friend and amazing instructor. So I signed up. The second I clicked the 'confirm' button I felt my stomach drop to my toes. I felt like I was going to throw up...what did I just sign myself up for?
So here I am...starting a blog about it...because I need a place to document my failures, my success', my joy, my blisters...and with any luck no one will stumble across it and I can write exactly what's on my mind. I know I will do this...my winter will be spent cross training...and training for another freezing winter 1/2 marathon here in Winnipeg.
My posts will hold me accountable...and possibly give me a place to voice my fears and doubts without the automatic 'you can do it' pep ups they would illicit from my running peeps...because sometimes you just need to voice the fear.
I've run 18 1/2 marathons in 3.5 years and took significant time off of my finishing times this year...I PB'd 3 times in less than ideal conditions...and to top it off the course is being taught by a good friend and amazing instructor. So I signed up. The second I clicked the 'confirm' button I felt my stomach drop to my toes. I felt like I was going to throw up...what did I just sign myself up for?
So here I am...starting a blog about it...because I need a place to document my failures, my success', my joy, my blisters...and with any luck no one will stumble across it and I can write exactly what's on my mind. I know I will do this...my winter will be spent cross training...and training for another freezing winter 1/2 marathon here in Winnipeg.
My posts will hold me accountable...and possibly give me a place to voice my fears and doubts without the automatic 'you can do it' pep ups they would illicit from my running peeps...because sometimes you just need to voice the fear.
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