65km wind

~sigh~

Another long run, another round of tears, another bought of anger and frustration. This is beginning to sound like a broken record. This time the frustration was from not knowing where I was running to. For some reason only the group leaders are told the route...this ensures no one runs outside the designated 4 timing groups...or in my case if you do you end up feeling frustrated and getting lost.

I just don't get it. I really don't. I'm sick and tired of coming home upset. I'm sick and tired of dreading run club. I need to know where I'm going and I truly don't get what the big deal is.

The instructor figures out the route ahead of time, has a private groups set up on social media for the group leaders and sends them a map of the route.

When I ask for the route, it's all hush hush...group leaders only. Really?

I've tried to talk to the instructor and twice now he's walked away from me. I'd like to think it's not on purpose...that maybe being a guy he's just not hearing me, maybe I'm too quiet, maybe I'm just invisible? Either way this guy has become unapproachable to me and I don't wanna play in their exclusive group anymore.

I've had people say, "what pace are you trying for ? I though we had them all covered?". Really? Is it just me? Does no one else realize how freaking INSANE it is to expect everyone to fit into 1 of 4 pace groups? At a finish line there are hundreds of people that come in in between those 15 minute increments. Does it occur to no one that those times aren't an accident? That someone might actually be working for a 2:20 finish?

I guess I'm just disappointed. I've paid money and now I just end up running by myself...at night...in the dark. If that's going to be the case I'd might as well run by myself during the day. The sun's out and I can soak up it's warm goodness without worrying about where I step.

I've worked damn hard to get to where I am, I don't want to get lazy and have to start all over again come spring. I can survive this though...it's not life altering. When I started this I was concerned that my full course overlapped by almost 2 months, how would I chose which group to run with? Now I know...I'm dumping this one faster than a hot potato. I hate the course, I dislike the teaching methods and I resent the bully tactics. What I need to do is figure out a way to make this work for me until January.

I'm strong, I'm weak, I need constant reaffirmation but I will get through this. Somehow. Maybe I can approach this as a mental strengthening exercise?