Yesterday was AMAZING. I had my first Long Slow Run with my new half clinic. It was a short and sweet 7km. I don't think I'll get used to how different this instructor is from my last one. This time you got split up into groups based on your finishing time. We had choices but when I asked the 2:30 leader what pace they would be running at I was told just shy of a 13:00 minute mile pace.
I was faced with a dilemma. Do I run with the group I thought I would at a pace that feels painfully slow to me? Or to I attempt to challenge myself with a group that running a little closer to my comfortable challenge pace? I get the purpose of a LSR, really I do, but I know that snow is coming soon and with that snow all the rules change.
So I decided that I would run with the 2:15 pace group...because it's a shorter distance and I was pretty sure I could handle what they had planned...and besides, if I couldn't there were 2 other pace groups behind me that I could fall back into if I was having trouble. So we set off and I cranked my music and fell into place behind what I shall affectionately call...the dudes. I'd missed my music, it's been so long since I could just pop in the ear buds and just run for me. I had a new playlist filled with new music and for the first 3km I thought...I can't run this slow...I just can't. Maybe I won't run 10 and 1's? It was at that precise moment that I mentally bitch slapped myself. Seriously? You know you have 4 more km in front of you right? You know you're not actually a freaking rock star right?
Right. Gotcha. You're gonna feel like poop in about 2 more km. So onward I went.
I don't honestly know if I'm ever going to get the clothing right for winter. After the cursory 1km I took off my gloves, shortly after that I took off my toque and shortly after that my jacket was tied around my waist. Within minutes I was soaked, but running free and soaking up every minute of the challenge.
I could see the 2:00 group just ahead of us and I thought, 'look at me, I'm running with the big boys!' (There were no other girls in my group on this particular day). We turned the corner for our final kilometer and were faced with a pretty brutal head wind...it sucked the joy right out of the run for me. I'd forgotten how much those icy winds suck. I was sooooo tempted to slow down and did for just a few steps before I reminded my self that I could see the finish point up ahead. It's just like the finish line in a race...you NEVER slow down when you see that right? Right.
So on I ran. I will never in a million years forget the look of the faces of my friends that were up in the 2:00 group when they realized I'd come in just behind them with the 2:15's. I saw surprise, a little shock and a whole lot of pride coming from one. Not only did I get a high five from her, but I also got a giant bear hug.
I was on cloud nine. I'd ran with the 2:15 group and I wasn't gasping for air. It was at this precise moment when the thought entered my mind...could I actually maybe train with the 2:15's for the whole clinic?
No Way. Never gonna happen. I haven't even had a 2:30 finish yet!
The thought had permeated my brain though. It was constantly picking at me all the way through breakfast...could I?
I was faced with a barrage of complements and awesomeness when we'd finished the run. So many of the people who ran with me 6 months ago knew that I'd ran an 18:00 minute mile pace. At first it felt great, then I just wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear. It was only 7km I reminded them, there's no snow on the ground, when there is I'll probably have to drop back, the list went on and on.
When I got home I felt like a million bucks and when I told the hubbie what I'd achieved he was so happy for me. The thought kept permeating through my brain though...could I actually keep training with the 2:15 group? Nawwww...there's no way I could do their tempo pace...so I picked up the book and saw that the tempo run I'd done on Thursday was at the pace for a 2:15 finish.
It was then that the glimmer got stronger. Why couldn't I? Why was I already sabotaging myself? If I work hard all winter and keep up the cross training schedule I have in place to help me get stronger for my full, why couldn't I at least try?
So that's why I'm writing this post. A reminder to myself of this precise moment when I realized that I could do something that was never even in my thoughts as a possibility. The brain is a powerful tool and it can be an even more powerful weapon.
I don't know what I'll end up doing, but I know I'm not a quitter...nor am I a complainer. It will be what it will be and hopefully I'll discover something about myself I didn't know was there.
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