Wow. Shortly after I wrote yesterdays post I had a total complete melt down...full on sobbing tears. I realized that every single person I'd come into contact with yesterday with the exception of ONE either expressed disbelief that I was okay running with the faster pace group, insinuated I was running faster than I should be or intimated that I was tagging along with the faster pace group and I should be running with the slower paced group.
By the time I got home and settled in I realized what had been eating away at me...I was being made to feel like I had to prove I was strong enough to run with the faster pace group. Everyone else is given a pass, but because I've come so far in the last 6 months everyone still wants me to be who I was not who I am.
Apparently when one doesn't post EVERY single workout and achievement to FACEBOOK it doesn't count towards your fitness level. Your facebook page defines every achievement and if you chose to keep some things private they don't count in life.
Even now as I type this I'm angry and tearing up.
They all talk about being supportive...but apparently when you step outside the box they put you in it disappears.
It's not supportive when you constantly hear "This is a fast pace for you right?" NO
It's not supportive when you constantly have people checking on while running and tell you in a surprised tone "Wow you seem to be doing okay"
It's not supportive when people ask you "yeah, but could you have gone farther?" in a heartbeat.
It's not supportive when you make a person feel like they have to justify why they're running with "your" group.
Do I have a chip on my shoulder? Yup. Am I being overly sensitive? Maybe. All I know is that by the time I start my Full Marathon clinic I will have run 20 1/2 marathons, been running for 4 years and know my body well enough to know what it's capable of and more importantly I listen to it.
Give me a tiny bit of credit. If I make you uncomfortable by stepping outside of a box, don't put me in one. Everyone has a bad run now and again, it doesn't mean anything other than they had a bad run. Maybe they were tired, maybe they thought they were going to end up with runners trots...maybe, just maybe they decided to enjoy the run and not push.
I will do this and I will do it my way on my terms. Deal with it.
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