Yo-Yo

Crimy this week has been rough. Wednesday night's run was amazing, I decided to just run and forget about the words "tempo" and "steady". I was going to ignore the watch and run for the love of running. It went brilliant. My pace was awesome but more importantly I felt like I'd had a great run.

Then Thursday rolled around. I was totally, utterly exhausted. I slept all day long and really didn't want to head to run club. I sucked it up and went though, however about 1/2 a kilometer into the run I knew in my gut that I just couldn't do it. Correction...I could have pushed through it, but then I would have been miserable and in shitty shape for my long run on Sunday.

I had many ask what happened and I just brushed it off and said I was tired. That was true...sort of...but not entirely. Basically something snapped inside me as I was running ALONE yet again. I couldn't see where I was going, I was exhausted and running by myself. If I was going to continually running by myself why wouldn't I just run during the day when the sun was out? It would keep me warmer and I could see where I was going.

I turned around and headed back. Frustrated, pissed off and truly never wanting to come back to the clinic again. I come home EVERY time and cry because I'm frustrated that I don't fit in. That the group leader seems to go out of it's way to let me know loud and clear that I don't belong there in it's opinion.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm beginning to hate the clinic I paid good money to be a part of.

This is supposed to be the start of a great journey for me. A way to keep myself up until the start of my full marathon clinic...now it just seems to be killing my love of running. I have to figure out a way to deal with this and make it good.

However it's hard to do when you walk in on conversations being had about you...where the content is along  the lines of  'drop back and run with ~my name~ she can't keep up with the 2:15 pace.'

Oh what was that? Did you see me come in literally 1 minute after you did? Oh wow, did you not expect me to hear you talking about me because I'm SO slow? Yeah that look on your face says it all.

If you can't say it to my face then shut your mouth princess. I will show you all...I will kick ass and I will do it without help from any of you.