Oh Damn...it's only 1 more sleep until I get to blow this iceburg. I can hardly wait.
Last nights tempo run was anything other than tempo, but that's okay. For the first time it wasn't me that was having trouble with the pace and that's part of all of this...being there to support them when they've stepped up to support you when you're in the same boat. It was nice for once that it wasn't me.
That being said, I'm back to really enjoying the solo runs these days. I have a 10km tempo that I need to bang off on the treadmill today and then it's only warm weather running for the next 10 days!! Woohoo!!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Dialed in
Sundays LSR ended up being at the track and wow...did I have a great run. It ended up not being slow...19km in 1:57.
For me that's practically warp speed. It was also a defining moment. It never ever occurred to me that would ever be able to move that fast, that easily. It also showed me that my 2:30 is totally within my reach...hell for WPS I could easily break 2:20.
I don't even know how I ran that but i suspect I know why. I didn't care about time...at all. I ran with every person from my club at some point, which meant I was running for the love of running not stressed out about my pace. I also ran it on next to no sleep so I have zero idea why my body was able to do it.
I'd like to think that I've gotten stronger and tougher but i honestly think that everything just aligned. Kinda like during my weight routine last week where I couldn't do 5 reps of one particular set...until I just decided i could do 10 reps...and I did.
I'm not giving myself an out for the Hypothermic but I am thinking that if the weather breaks and we don't have fresh snow and the footing clear that 2:30 finish will be mine.
The highlight of Sundays run was running with B...a friend that I've always had to chase and usually watch him sail off into the distance. I ran with him. True it was is slow pace, but we weren't really running that slow...and even if it was slow for him, I didn't feel like it was impossible for me to keep that up. I think that having that holy grail running beside me gave me momentum that allowed me to push through the gut rot and just run.
There were even moments when I'd go to pass people and all it felt like i was doing was downshifting...unlike the usual OMG OMG OMG i can't run this fast even to pass someone for 10 feet. It was brilliant.
I feel like i've reached a new point in my training. It's exciting. I can't wait to see what happens next.
For me that's practically warp speed. It was also a defining moment. It never ever occurred to me that would ever be able to move that fast, that easily. It also showed me that my 2:30 is totally within my reach...hell for WPS I could easily break 2:20.
I don't even know how I ran that but i suspect I know why. I didn't care about time...at all. I ran with every person from my club at some point, which meant I was running for the love of running not stressed out about my pace. I also ran it on next to no sleep so I have zero idea why my body was able to do it.
I'd like to think that I've gotten stronger and tougher but i honestly think that everything just aligned. Kinda like during my weight routine last week where I couldn't do 5 reps of one particular set...until I just decided i could do 10 reps...and I did.
I'm not giving myself an out for the Hypothermic but I am thinking that if the weather breaks and we don't have fresh snow and the footing clear that 2:30 finish will be mine.
The highlight of Sundays run was running with B...a friend that I've always had to chase and usually watch him sail off into the distance. I ran with him. True it was is slow pace, but we weren't really running that slow...and even if it was slow for him, I didn't feel like it was impossible for me to keep that up. I think that having that holy grail running beside me gave me momentum that allowed me to push through the gut rot and just run.
There were even moments when I'd go to pass people and all it felt like i was doing was downshifting...unlike the usual OMG OMG OMG i can't run this fast even to pass someone for 10 feet. It was brilliant.
I feel like i've reached a new point in my training. It's exciting. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Anonymity
There's something to be said for the boycott of social media. I found myself yesterday the recipient of one of those fake FB status updates that results in a virtual chain letter that you must propagate by a fake status update yourself.
Ugh. What...are we in grade school?
I found myself seriously offended...to the point of anger, so I had to ask myself why i cared? Was it because they lied? Could be...I have a serious thing about lying. Shortly after that I logged off and stayed off for the rest of the night. It was quiet. I liked it.
For the first time in a long time I feel overexposed...the feeling that everyone knows more about me than I'd like. Don't get me wrong...I don't share all my feelings and shit...I just post my attempts at humor and of course all of my athletic endeavors just to piss off the couch potato's.
Okay sure I have this blog that, with luck no one will ever read...and lets be real I really hope no ones finds this. There's something cathartic about being able to put everything out there while not really putting anything out there.
I've found a new sense of power lately...and I'm pretty sure it comes from not telling people about my 50k run. I think that if i started telling people now it would be because I seek some sort of validation. I'm not...not at all...unless it comes from within. I feel stronger than I ever have before. When I hit a dead spot on the treadmill or during my run, I just seem to be able to push past it. It's so odd it's not even funny.
I feel confident with my upcoming winter 1/2 marathon that if the conditions don't suck, I might, just might be able to smash my PB again. It's like in my head I know that I won't have any trouble hitting 2:39 and 2:30 is easily attainable...hell I might even be able to hit a 2:2anything! Now that would be awesome.
We'll see.
All i know is that the desire to take myself offline is stronger than ever. I wish to be anonymous. Until that moment when I can drop that Ultra bomb on the table and walk away.
Ugh. What...are we in grade school?
I found myself seriously offended...to the point of anger, so I had to ask myself why i cared? Was it because they lied? Could be...I have a serious thing about lying. Shortly after that I logged off and stayed off for the rest of the night. It was quiet. I liked it.
For the first time in a long time I feel overexposed...the feeling that everyone knows more about me than I'd like. Don't get me wrong...I don't share all my feelings and shit...I just post my attempts at humor and of course all of my athletic endeavors just to piss off the couch potato's.
Okay sure I have this blog that, with luck no one will ever read...and lets be real I really hope no ones finds this. There's something cathartic about being able to put everything out there while not really putting anything out there.
I've found a new sense of power lately...and I'm pretty sure it comes from not telling people about my 50k run. I think that if i started telling people now it would be because I seek some sort of validation. I'm not...not at all...unless it comes from within. I feel stronger than I ever have before. When I hit a dead spot on the treadmill or during my run, I just seem to be able to push past it. It's so odd it's not even funny.
I feel confident with my upcoming winter 1/2 marathon that if the conditions don't suck, I might, just might be able to smash my PB again. It's like in my head I know that I won't have any trouble hitting 2:39 and 2:30 is easily attainable...hell I might even be able to hit a 2:2anything! Now that would be awesome.
We'll see.
All i know is that the desire to take myself offline is stronger than ever. I wish to be anonymous. Until that moment when I can drop that Ultra bomb on the table and walk away.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
9 Hills
So my conclusion? 9 Hills on the dreadmill, while extremely physically challenging is no where near as tough mentally as running them at garbage hill.
I like that. A lot. Its shows how far I've come...and after this winter nothing I tackle this summer is going to be as hard as running outdoors in the winter Winnipeg was colder than Mars.
I like that. A lot. Its shows how far I've come...and after this winter nothing I tackle this summer is going to be as hard as running outdoors in the winter Winnipeg was colder than Mars.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
10km Tempo
Ever wonder the purpose of a 10km Tempo run? It's designed to mentally break you I think. Today I faced mine on the treadmill again...and i nailed it. It felt good for the first time in a really long time to not be feeling like I can't do this. I finished that run with energy to spare...until I actually got upstairs. Then I crashed. Hard.
That's okay. I ran on dead legs with a numb left arm. I was planning on heading out to run club tonight to run with some of the newbie runners there but the smell of my husbands dinner is making me droooool. Damn it smells amazing and I want some. So i think I'll abandon the -40 with extreme windchill facing me out there and belly up to the slow cook steak and baked potatos with green beans awaiting me.
I've earned every bite today.
Tomorrow I face hills on the treadmill...because there's not enough $$ in the world to make me run that damn overpass at night again. Plus it's getting close to the event date and at this point what I need is physical strengthening not mental.
Running 9 hills on dead legs is going to be...umm...well...we'll see.
That's okay. I ran on dead legs with a numb left arm. I was planning on heading out to run club tonight to run with some of the newbie runners there but the smell of my husbands dinner is making me droooool. Damn it smells amazing and I want some. So i think I'll abandon the -40 with extreme windchill facing me out there and belly up to the slow cook steak and baked potatos with green beans awaiting me.
I've earned every bite today.
Tomorrow I face hills on the treadmill...because there's not enough $$ in the world to make me run that damn overpass at night again. Plus it's getting close to the event date and at this point what I need is physical strengthening not mental.
Running 9 hills on dead legs is going to be...umm...well...we'll see.
Oh goody, More snow!
I think as I sit here feeling all the aches and pains in my muscles from last nights slippery run I can't help but feel that perhaps, just perhaps I'm ready for Winter to be done. The sad thing is we have over 2 more months of her at the very least. One of those months is jokingly known as the blizzard season round here...I think that if the snow is gone by my first full marathon i should be thrilled.
There's only 8 days left until I escape this arctic snow filled wonderland for 10 whole glorious days...that's providing nature doesn't decide to screw with my plans have have me snowed in somewhere. Please nature be kind to me...just let me get there...on the way back feel free to snow me in as much as you'd like. That I can deal with.
Last nights run was fine. Nothing spectacular, nothing amazing...as a matter of fact I struggled like hell to keep my pace up there...which I think I have to stop talking about. I've noticed a shift in people when It comes about. So for now, I'm tossing speed out the window and sticking with what I do best. Listen to others...it means I don't waste any energy talking myself!
Tonight's run , i suspect will be done during the day...indoors...on my treadmill again. 10km in that shit out there will kill me! That and it's supposed to be -43'C with the extreme windchill again. Oi. I think when this winter is all said and done we need to make ourselves t-shirts to celebrate. Something witty that says something about being colder than mars.
Sunday is supposed to be 18km in the snow and ice so that I get in some good distance before finishing off all the rest of my runs in the warm sandy beach world. I strongly suspect that if we end up with the 2 solid days of snow they're predicting for Friday and Saturday I won't be running outdoors again. If the footings bad it just won't be worth it...and if its cold again...well lets just say running for 2:30 hours on the track isn't really appealing, but the risk of injury is far less.
There's only 8 days left until I escape this arctic snow filled wonderland for 10 whole glorious days...that's providing nature doesn't decide to screw with my plans have have me snowed in somewhere. Please nature be kind to me...just let me get there...on the way back feel free to snow me in as much as you'd like. That I can deal with.
Last nights run was fine. Nothing spectacular, nothing amazing...as a matter of fact I struggled like hell to keep my pace up there...which I think I have to stop talking about. I've noticed a shift in people when It comes about. So for now, I'm tossing speed out the window and sticking with what I do best. Listen to others...it means I don't waste any energy talking myself!
Tonight's run , i suspect will be done during the day...indoors...on my treadmill again. 10km in that shit out there will kill me! That and it's supposed to be -43'C with the extreme windchill again. Oi. I think when this winter is all said and done we need to make ourselves t-shirts to celebrate. Something witty that says something about being colder than mars.
Sunday is supposed to be 18km in the snow and ice so that I get in some good distance before finishing off all the rest of my runs in the warm sandy beach world. I strongly suspect that if we end up with the 2 solid days of snow they're predicting for Friday and Saturday I won't be running outdoors again. If the footings bad it just won't be worth it...and if its cold again...well lets just say running for 2:30 hours on the track isn't really appealing, but the risk of injury is far less.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Yikes
After yesterdays long slow run (which went great BTW), we were sitting here chatting when I suddenly realized that from this point forward other than the taper week right before my winter 1/2 marathon I would be running either very close to or more than a 1/2 marathon every weekend until I actually run the 50km in June.
I started laughing hysterically...not in a good way , not in a bad way...kinda like Cesar did in the original Batman series.
It was that moment of, holy shit...here's where it's going to get tough. Here's where I either break or persevere. Here's where I either grab the salad I made for dinner or a bottle of wine. I chose to skip the latter. I haven't really told anyone what my plans are for this year and I think I'm going to have to soon. The anxiety of keeping this awesomeness inside me is starting to cause creepy, really wrong dreams...plus I think If i just told people I'm running the 50km then I would know what the reaction would be rather than assuming what it would be.
This is where the training gets hard, this is where the training gets serious. This is where everything I've been working for since the day after WFPS comes into play.
Am i scared? a little. Am i terrified? No...just a little worried knowing that I'm going to be running most of this on my own. cool. I can do this. Scratch that. I will do this.
I started laughing hysterically...not in a good way , not in a bad way...kinda like Cesar did in the original Batman series.
It was that moment of, holy shit...here's where it's going to get tough. Here's where I either break or persevere. Here's where I either grab the salad I made for dinner or a bottle of wine. I chose to skip the latter. I haven't really told anyone what my plans are for this year and I think I'm going to have to soon. The anxiety of keeping this awesomeness inside me is starting to cause creepy, really wrong dreams...plus I think If i just told people I'm running the 50km then I would know what the reaction would be rather than assuming what it would be.
This is where the training gets hard, this is where the training gets serious. This is where everything I've been working for since the day after WFPS comes into play.
Am i scared? a little. Am i terrified? No...just a little worried knowing that I'm going to be running most of this on my own. cool. I can do this. Scratch that. I will do this.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Time to end the pity parade
I think that the hardest thing about this journey I'm on is going to be staying positive. After Tuesday brutal run that left me feeling defeated I found myself facing a 10km tempo run on the dreadmill. I'd almost psyched myself totally out of doing it until I realized that my tempo pace for the full training is what my race pace was for my 1/2 training.
Really? I can totally do that! So off I went and with the help of my facebook friends managed to sort of bang out 10km on the dreadmill. It felt good.
Then yesterday I ended up doing my hill session on the dreadmill...HARD...so FREAKIN HARD!!!! but I did it.
Those 2 runs seemed to be all that I needed to make me believe in myself again.
Is this what happens when one aims high? Does one end up doubting what they're capable of? Or is this just my mental fragility? Is there something within myself that just feels so low about herself that she doesn't want herself to succeed?
I just don't know. I know that I'm feeling very raw these days. Like I have so much to be excited about, but I'm afraid to tell the people in my life because I just don't wan the negative reaction to be what I focus on...and trust me it would be negative.
I'm all by myself these days, in life and in running. I think that this is going to force me to toughen up...and facing the 50km Ultra is going to do great things for me. I will do this, I will face this I will succeed at this and I will conquer myself.
Really? I can totally do that! So off I went and with the help of my facebook friends managed to sort of bang out 10km on the dreadmill. It felt good.
Then yesterday I ended up doing my hill session on the dreadmill...HARD...so FREAKIN HARD!!!! but I did it.
Those 2 runs seemed to be all that I needed to make me believe in myself again.
Is this what happens when one aims high? Does one end up doubting what they're capable of? Or is this just my mental fragility? Is there something within myself that just feels so low about herself that she doesn't want herself to succeed?
I just don't know. I know that I'm feeling very raw these days. Like I have so much to be excited about, but I'm afraid to tell the people in my life because I just don't wan the negative reaction to be what I focus on...and trust me it would be negative.
I'm all by myself these days, in life and in running. I think that this is going to force me to toughen up...and facing the 50km Ultra is going to do great things for me. I will do this, I will face this I will succeed at this and I will conquer myself.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Tempo ish my ass
Another 5km Tempo run, run nowhere near tempo pace. Sigh. I feel beaten. I feel defeated. I feel like that girl who constantly needs reaffirmation that what she's doing is the right thing. I hate girls like that. Inside my head I feel like wonder woman...and she hulk, but in my heart I feel like a withered tiny little thing sitting in the corner under a table hiding from everything she's trying to be.
This is a frustrating place to be, this whole lack of self confidence is disconcerting. all this doubt, all this self loathing really has to stop. There's no one to blame for this but me. Something has broke inside me and for the life of me I can't figure out how to fix it. I love running but right now I hate it. I can't stand the thought of running outside...hell even the treadmill.track hold no appeal.
Have a burnt myself out?
Yesterday I broke out in hives on my neck again from stress.Giant awesome pus filled hives.
Perhaps the solution is to ignore the pace...or run a few on the treadmill to actually get the right speeds in. Whatever the solution the awesomeness that is Wonder Woman needs to return. Quickly. I have an ultra to train for.
This is a frustrating place to be, this whole lack of self confidence is disconcerting. all this doubt, all this self loathing really has to stop. There's no one to blame for this but me. Something has broke inside me and for the life of me I can't figure out how to fix it. I love running but right now I hate it. I can't stand the thought of running outside...hell even the treadmill.track hold no appeal.
Have a burnt myself out?
Yesterday I broke out in hives on my neck again from stress.Giant awesome pus filled hives.
Perhaps the solution is to ignore the pace...or run a few on the treadmill to actually get the right speeds in. Whatever the solution the awesomeness that is Wonder Woman needs to return. Quickly. I have an ultra to train for.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Sloooooow Soooooupy Run
Yesterday's Long Slow Run was definitely a slow one, snail slow. I was frustrated for most of the run because I didn't even feel like I was working...except for the footing...no matter what the pace it was all work.
The recent warming trend over the last couple of days, while more than welcome, has created a sloppy wet mess out there...and since the city has yet to clear the sidewalks from the last few snowfalls, it makes footing sketchy at best.
This week we found ourselves with almost no group leaders due to a variety of reasons so that meant you got to either run with the front of the pack or the very back of the pack. Guess where i ended up? Yup...I ended up running something like an average of 15:39m/mile pace for the whole run. Woo. Fricken. Hoo.
If I'm honest this frustrated me like nobody's business...the whole time I just wanted to RUN. However in hindsight it was a good thing...I guess. I got to help encourage other runners, I got to see a few people reach a new longest distance ever run before and I didn't overly strain myself when it came to pace so my recovery today should be almost non existent.
I'm worried though that this is going to become a trend for me. Oh look...she's not fast enough to be with the fast group, let's stick her with the slower group and as a result I never get to improve. I know that you don't run race pace on LSR but if my target RP is an 11:30m/m pace i need to at least be under 13:00!
This clinic has become a source of great frustration for me. This obsession with jamming people into categories has to stop. Everyone runs their own pace, there is no right or wrong pace and forcing people to give up their target goals just isn't right. I know this, I live this, I fight this.
The end result though has become that I just don't think I'm going to run with this clinic group anymore...now that I know what's what. I was forced to run with the slow group because I didn't know the route...shocking...route secrecy? WOW. Push me over with a feather. The reality is that I'm going to be running Fargo and the 50K by myself, so I'd better get used to it.
I keep trying to find something good in it all and I just can't seem to find it. Maybe it's making me stronger mentally, but I just feel like that silly elitism has found it's way back into my life. I still have zero desire to head to tomorrow nights clinic, but I get it. I'm slow. Nowhere as slow as I used to be, but still in comparison to the rest of the group I might as well be walking backwards. Cool. I'm never going to be included and I'm going to have to put on my big girl panties and live with it.
I made the decision to do these running goals this year on my own, I can't rely on other people to constantly reafirm i can do them. If I do I'm just going to find out that I can't...because if i don't believe that I will do them, then I will fail...and I don't do failure. I may miss my goal but I always give it everything I have. I am strong, I am terrified, but I will do this. I will decide what to do the morning of m winter 1/2 marathon...it may be epic, i may juts enjoy the ride...people need to stop telling me to aim low and be happy with whatever I do.
That's not how I roll though. I aim high, reset the aim to even higher and then adjust the day's goals according to what's what that day. Messed up I know, but if I don't have a goal to push for, then I just give up...and can you imagine though if I manage to get my 2:30 / 2:39 / 2:45 finish for the winter 1/2?
It would be amazing. I would feel like a million dollars...however the weather will dictate what happens that day. This I know. Fingers crossed.
The recent warming trend over the last couple of days, while more than welcome, has created a sloppy wet mess out there...and since the city has yet to clear the sidewalks from the last few snowfalls, it makes footing sketchy at best.
This week we found ourselves with almost no group leaders due to a variety of reasons so that meant you got to either run with the front of the pack or the very back of the pack. Guess where i ended up? Yup...I ended up running something like an average of 15:39m/mile pace for the whole run. Woo. Fricken. Hoo.
If I'm honest this frustrated me like nobody's business...the whole time I just wanted to RUN. However in hindsight it was a good thing...I guess. I got to help encourage other runners, I got to see a few people reach a new longest distance ever run before and I didn't overly strain myself when it came to pace so my recovery today should be almost non existent.
I'm worried though that this is going to become a trend for me. Oh look...she's not fast enough to be with the fast group, let's stick her with the slower group and as a result I never get to improve. I know that you don't run race pace on LSR but if my target RP is an 11:30m/m pace i need to at least be under 13:00!
This clinic has become a source of great frustration for me. This obsession with jamming people into categories has to stop. Everyone runs their own pace, there is no right or wrong pace and forcing people to give up their target goals just isn't right. I know this, I live this, I fight this.
The end result though has become that I just don't think I'm going to run with this clinic group anymore...now that I know what's what. I was forced to run with the slow group because I didn't know the route...shocking...route secrecy? WOW. Push me over with a feather. The reality is that I'm going to be running Fargo and the 50K by myself, so I'd better get used to it.
I keep trying to find something good in it all and I just can't seem to find it. Maybe it's making me stronger mentally, but I just feel like that silly elitism has found it's way back into my life. I still have zero desire to head to tomorrow nights clinic, but I get it. I'm slow. Nowhere as slow as I used to be, but still in comparison to the rest of the group I might as well be walking backwards. Cool. I'm never going to be included and I'm going to have to put on my big girl panties and live with it.
I made the decision to do these running goals this year on my own, I can't rely on other people to constantly reafirm i can do them. If I do I'm just going to find out that I can't...because if i don't believe that I will do them, then I will fail...and I don't do failure. I may miss my goal but I always give it everything I have. I am strong, I am terrified, but I will do this. I will decide what to do the morning of m winter 1/2 marathon...it may be epic, i may juts enjoy the ride...people need to stop telling me to aim low and be happy with whatever I do.
That's not how I roll though. I aim high, reset the aim to even higher and then adjust the day's goals according to what's what that day. Messed up I know, but if I don't have a goal to push for, then I just give up...and can you imagine though if I manage to get my 2:30 / 2:39 / 2:45 finish for the winter 1/2?
It would be amazing. I would feel like a million dollars...however the weather will dictate what happens that day. This I know. Fingers crossed.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Windy drift ridden Hill
Hoo boy...was yesterdays hill session a doozy...the winds were out and a bout at 60km and by the time I reached the top my footprints were obliterated.
So say it wasn't my fastest hill session to date would be an understatement. However my heart rate got up to 160, so it can't be all that bad.
The body is starting to feel beat up. I'm not liking this feeling...it's feeling pre injury. You know...that warning your body gives you before you go down for the count? I'm down to running 4 days a week but it's stating to fee like too much with the cold and snow. Who knows, maybe I just need to eat something.
So say it wasn't my fastest hill session to date would be an understatement. However my heart rate got up to 160, so it can't be all that bad.
The body is starting to feel beat up. I'm not liking this feeling...it's feeling pre injury. You know...that warning your body gives you before you go down for the count? I'm down to running 4 days a week but it's stating to fee like too much with the cold and snow. Who knows, maybe I just need to eat something.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Sunny run
So I broke protocol and decided to run on my own yesterday. The sun was out and I needed some Vitamin D to make me happy. If I'm totally honest the thought of running in the dark again was just too much for me to take...added to that the fact that the temperature was due to get down to -39'C again. I just didn't wanna play, so I went out and had my first good run of the winter.
I ignored the watch, I stopped at stoplights, I ran for the joy of running. Something that's been missing lately. I've been working so hard, every run in a HR zone or at a target pace...I just don't seem to have any speed in me these days. I suspect I'm suffering from workout fatigue. I'm beat and all I wanna do is nothing.
The roads are shit this winter due to budget bureaucracy so I don't even feel comfortable on the road. I creep my way to home base and I usually see between 2-4 cars in the ditch or hung up on snow mountains...always facing the wrong direction.
I needed a run like yesterdays like I needed air. The sky was so blue, the air was crisp...and if I'm honest, still too cold when I was running into a head wind. -33'C may not be -50'C but lets be honest, cold is cold.
I passed other runners on the trail, waves and thumbs up were a plenty and it made me happy to feel like I was part of that community again. I danced at intersections not to keep warm, but because I was so freaking happy to just be running at that happy pace. People smiled, people snicked and one even honked and waved at my antics.
Yesterday I ran for my soul, I ran for the joy of it and when darkness fell I was never happier to not have to run in it. I've realized that one of the things that has made winter running easier for me in previous years is that I've ALWAYS run in the daylight. Did I miss my running buddies? Yup. Did I wish I'd been there with them? Sort of...maybe...not really.
So yesterday was neither a 10km tempo or a 7km steady. It was a 6.5km run in the sun. My average moving pace was between 12:00/12:30m/m...but my watch said it was a 13:54m/m pace average...but then I didn't stop the watch at lights...or snowdrifts...of photo ops. I ran for me, I ran for love, I ran because I could...and it felt brilliant.
I'm going to end with a quote that popped up in my facebook feed yesterday, that really hit home for me...so I want to make sure I can find it again when the spirits sink low again.
"One of the most important components of your training is the belief that you will succeed. It is so easy to decide to quit because of the feeling of failure, don't do it. Results are slow to show, but you will see them. Runs that feel like you are running in mud are normal, all runners have them. It can be deflating to read about other peoples runs and know you will never go that fast and you begin to doubt yourself. Don't do it, believe in yourself, be proud of YOUR results, and brag about your runs, you will be surprised how many people you will impress. You are STRONGER than you know."
-Reist Mummau
I ignored the watch, I stopped at stoplights, I ran for the joy of running. Something that's been missing lately. I've been working so hard, every run in a HR zone or at a target pace...I just don't seem to have any speed in me these days. I suspect I'm suffering from workout fatigue. I'm beat and all I wanna do is nothing.
The roads are shit this winter due to budget bureaucracy so I don't even feel comfortable on the road. I creep my way to home base and I usually see between 2-4 cars in the ditch or hung up on snow mountains...always facing the wrong direction.
I needed a run like yesterdays like I needed air. The sky was so blue, the air was crisp...and if I'm honest, still too cold when I was running into a head wind. -33'C may not be -50'C but lets be honest, cold is cold.
I passed other runners on the trail, waves and thumbs up were a plenty and it made me happy to feel like I was part of that community again. I danced at intersections not to keep warm, but because I was so freaking happy to just be running at that happy pace. People smiled, people snicked and one even honked and waved at my antics.
Yesterday I ran for my soul, I ran for the joy of it and when darkness fell I was never happier to not have to run in it. I've realized that one of the things that has made winter running easier for me in previous years is that I've ALWAYS run in the daylight. Did I miss my running buddies? Yup. Did I wish I'd been there with them? Sort of...maybe...not really.
So yesterday was neither a 10km tempo or a 7km steady. It was a 6.5km run in the sun. My average moving pace was between 12:00/12:30m/m...but my watch said it was a 13:54m/m pace average...but then I didn't stop the watch at lights...or snowdrifts...of photo ops. I ran for me, I ran for love, I ran because I could...and it felt brilliant.
I'm going to end with a quote that popped up in my facebook feed yesterday, that really hit home for me...so I want to make sure I can find it again when the spirits sink low again.
"One of the most important components of your training is the belief that you will succeed. It is so easy to decide to quit because of the feeling of failure, don't do it. Results are slow to show, but you will see them. Runs that feel like you are running in mud are normal, all runners have them. It can be deflating to read about other peoples runs and know you will never go that fast and you begin to doubt yourself. Don't do it, believe in yourself, be proud of YOUR results, and brag about your runs, you will be surprised how many people you will impress. You are STRONGER than you know."
-Reist Mummau
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Okay...so maybe they weren't all that bad
There nothing like re-reading your own post to make you realize how much of a douche you sound like...and are acting like. Especially when I look back on my feelings of the first night for each and every clinic that I've been a part of.
I'm going to go with me over reacting to what were some well meant words. It would appear that that chip on my shoulder hasn't really diminished...it seems to be growing...and if I'm totally honest some of the people who rubbed me the wrong way last night, rub me the wrong way all the time.
Here's what I know; at heart they're good people. Can I blame them for acting the way they do? No. People tend to assume that every runner facing a new task feels the way they did when they faced it. I just happen to be a freak...plus I have a secret they don't know. It's the 50K that scares the crap out of me.
I feel that with hard work and smart training I will finish my first full in the 5 hour range...maybe longer maybe a lot longer. It's whatever works. I intend to enjoy the experience and get the most that I can out of the course. I don't want to push full out when I'm tackling a 50km 3 weeks later.
What I need to remember is that every perceived slight is going to make me tougher. Every time my feelings get hurt I need to suck it up and use it for fuel. If they don't think I can do something? Fine. I'll do it and show them. Besides, how cool would it be to actually be able to pull this off? I would be a supernova freaking rockstar!
or not.
I'm going to go with me over reacting to what were some well meant words. It would appear that that chip on my shoulder hasn't really diminished...it seems to be growing...and if I'm totally honest some of the people who rubbed me the wrong way last night, rub me the wrong way all the time.
Here's what I know; at heart they're good people. Can I blame them for acting the way they do? No. People tend to assume that every runner facing a new task feels the way they did when they faced it. I just happen to be a freak...plus I have a secret they don't know. It's the 50K that scares the crap out of me.
I feel that with hard work and smart training I will finish my first full in the 5 hour range...maybe longer maybe a lot longer. It's whatever works. I intend to enjoy the experience and get the most that I can out of the course. I don't want to push full out when I'm tackling a 50km 3 weeks later.
What I need to remember is that every perceived slight is going to make me tougher. Every time my feelings get hurt I need to suck it up and use it for fuel. If they don't think I can do something? Fine. I'll do it and show them. Besides, how cool would it be to actually be able to pull this off? I would be a supernova freaking rockstar!
or not.
Day 1 No chocolate covered pretzels for me
So the day finally came! The first official day of marathon training. I was excited, practically buzzing I was so pumped for the first clinic night. I flitted around the house secure in my knowlage that I was doing the most amazing thing of my life, that the journey was going to be amazing and epic!
I walked into homebase and I was giddy, I could hardly wait for the whole class to get there. It was going to be like every other clinic but better! Wow. Turns out, not so much.
I learned something last night. That this is all about me and if I'm going to go looking for outside reinforcement I need to just not do it. I know that they all meant well but the condescension in the voice was almost overbearing. I'm not going to spend this whole post whining but I will say this. I KNOW i will do this. I'm not some unsure quivering newbie who's afraid she's not going to make it to the end. Stop treating me like I'm a pathetic baby.
I'm strong, I've pushed myself through things you can't even imagine. Don't get me wrong, if you have advice for me, I'd love to hear it. If you have tips and thoughts on my training? Ditto! Just don't placate me, I don't do placate very well.
The mood was a different one than what I'm used to. Maybe I just have blinders on when i comes to the teacher, but shes amazing! Why wouldn't you listen to her? Even when I've silently disagreed with something she's said, I've taken it in, dwelled on it and in some cases headed in a different direction, but one that was perfect for me. There were times that I was positive that I knew better, I'd run 15 1/2 marathons! Turns out I didn't.
The atmosphere was almost combative in many cases last night. I couldn't believe what I was listening to. The cohesive group I though I was walking into, turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of ego's. Is that what happens when you cross that thresh hold into being a marathon runner? I've felt that way about many of the full runners I've come across...like they're better than everyone else...and I guess in some respects they are I just don't think you have to act like it?
Is it inevitable though? When you push yourself and conquer that mental mind barrier do you then set yourself above the rest? I really hope that I don't do that. I love running and I love working with newbie runners, however I never want to make someone feel how I was made to feel last night.
I've come to this clinic to learn, if you haven't fine. Don't then. Just don't interfere with what I'm trying to figure out, don't argue with the instructor please. I've read everything I can on doing this, I've spent my winter lifting weights and strengthening my core to help with this. I'm ready for this.
I'm going to be doing this on my own, this became clear last night when all but 1 person took off like a bat out of hell. They also did a group picture minus the two of us at the back of the pack...since we weren't back yet. Ouch.
So its like that is it?
No worries, bring it on bitches. All this crap is just going to make me stronger.
I walked into homebase and I was giddy, I could hardly wait for the whole class to get there. It was going to be like every other clinic but better! Wow. Turns out, not so much.
I learned something last night. That this is all about me and if I'm going to go looking for outside reinforcement I need to just not do it. I know that they all meant well but the condescension in the voice was almost overbearing. I'm not going to spend this whole post whining but I will say this. I KNOW i will do this. I'm not some unsure quivering newbie who's afraid she's not going to make it to the end. Stop treating me like I'm a pathetic baby.
I'm strong, I've pushed myself through things you can't even imagine. Don't get me wrong, if you have advice for me, I'd love to hear it. If you have tips and thoughts on my training? Ditto! Just don't placate me, I don't do placate very well.
The mood was a different one than what I'm used to. Maybe I just have blinders on when i comes to the teacher, but shes amazing! Why wouldn't you listen to her? Even when I've silently disagreed with something she's said, I've taken it in, dwelled on it and in some cases headed in a different direction, but one that was perfect for me. There were times that I was positive that I knew better, I'd run 15 1/2 marathons! Turns out I didn't.
The atmosphere was almost combative in many cases last night. I couldn't believe what I was listening to. The cohesive group I though I was walking into, turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of ego's. Is that what happens when you cross that thresh hold into being a marathon runner? I've felt that way about many of the full runners I've come across...like they're better than everyone else...and I guess in some respects they are I just don't think you have to act like it?
Is it inevitable though? When you push yourself and conquer that mental mind barrier do you then set yourself above the rest? I really hope that I don't do that. I love running and I love working with newbie runners, however I never want to make someone feel how I was made to feel last night.
I've come to this clinic to learn, if you haven't fine. Don't then. Just don't interfere with what I'm trying to figure out, don't argue with the instructor please. I've read everything I can on doing this, I've spent my winter lifting weights and strengthening my core to help with this. I'm ready for this.
I'm going to be doing this on my own, this became clear last night when all but 1 person took off like a bat out of hell. They also did a group picture minus the two of us at the back of the pack...since we weren't back yet. Ouch.
So its like that is it?
No worries, bring it on bitches. All this crap is just going to make me stronger.
Monday, January 6, 2014
-50'C? No thanks
Sunday morning I awoke to a predicted HIGH of -50'C with Extreme windchill. WTH??? Seriously??? I have 16km on the agenda that I HAVE to get done. ~sigh~
Okay I'm heading to the track, but I'll stop by home base for my run club and see if anyone needs a ride to escape the cold. One guys from our clinic was planning on heading out, and refused to head indoors. Cool. I get it. Sort of. Hey just be safe and cover exposed skin buddy and you'll be great.
Last week at the track I just flew, and time flew by. This week though I started off strong and after 2km I could feel I was done. Shit. Now what? FUEL! Yes, fuel! I'll stop for a GU. Awesome...this is going great...for about 60 seconds. Then I was dead again. What the hell is going on? I had a slow crummy 3 more kilometers before the 2:15 pace group came up behind me and picked me up. It was brilliant, all of a sudden I had someone too talk to and i forgot about how shitty I was doing...and my heart rate seemed to consistently settle in at 160 so I was okay with that again.
It's always frustrating when you hear your group leader remind everyone about how slow we're going...and you feel like you're running at the top end of your comfort scale. No one else in the group said we were running slow...as a matter of fact there weren't a lot of them that could keep up...they kept dropping back. Whatever. I can do this. I will do this. It will get done, suck it up buttercup.
Overall the day was a success though. I had 2 wonderful complements given to me by fellow runners and lets be honest, who doesn't love a complement?
Upon getting home and downloading my data I realized that my overall pace was only 7 seconds faster than last week. How is that possible? I was sick last week! Then I looked at the break down. I was inconsistent as hell. There were a of 11's and 12's but there were also a 13,14 and even a 15. So If I were to guess I would say, I would fly and have a great couple of laps and then slow right down even though it felt like I was still flying. Or our walk breaks were not as fast paced as I like.
I'm paying for it all this morning though. I kept saying to my husband yesterday, I ran a 1/2 marathon today in only 16km be nice to me. He laughed. That's how I feel this morning though. So that's good. It means I worked hard. It also scares me. How am I supposed to tackle the 50km? How am i supposed to get this done? I know training will make a difference but jeepers this scares me.
It doesn't help that I'm keeping it a secret for now. I think I'm going to start my double LSR soon. I don't have to until the end of February but it couldn't hurt to get something in now. I suspect I'm going to be forced indoors for more of the double runs that would like. This cold snap is 5 weeks in already and it doesn't show signs of stopping. Tempers are flaring, grumpiness levels are skyrocketing it's going to get ugly soon if we don't get a real break.
Okay I'm heading to the track, but I'll stop by home base for my run club and see if anyone needs a ride to escape the cold. One guys from our clinic was planning on heading out, and refused to head indoors. Cool. I get it. Sort of. Hey just be safe and cover exposed skin buddy and you'll be great.
Last week at the track I just flew, and time flew by. This week though I started off strong and after 2km I could feel I was done. Shit. Now what? FUEL! Yes, fuel! I'll stop for a GU. Awesome...this is going great...for about 60 seconds. Then I was dead again. What the hell is going on? I had a slow crummy 3 more kilometers before the 2:15 pace group came up behind me and picked me up. It was brilliant, all of a sudden I had someone too talk to and i forgot about how shitty I was doing...and my heart rate seemed to consistently settle in at 160 so I was okay with that again.
It's always frustrating when you hear your group leader remind everyone about how slow we're going...and you feel like you're running at the top end of your comfort scale. No one else in the group said we were running slow...as a matter of fact there weren't a lot of them that could keep up...they kept dropping back. Whatever. I can do this. I will do this. It will get done, suck it up buttercup.
Overall the day was a success though. I had 2 wonderful complements given to me by fellow runners and lets be honest, who doesn't love a complement?
Upon getting home and downloading my data I realized that my overall pace was only 7 seconds faster than last week. How is that possible? I was sick last week! Then I looked at the break down. I was inconsistent as hell. There were a of 11's and 12's but there were also a 13,14 and even a 15. So If I were to guess I would say, I would fly and have a great couple of laps and then slow right down even though it felt like I was still flying. Or our walk breaks were not as fast paced as I like.
I'm paying for it all this morning though. I kept saying to my husband yesterday, I ran a 1/2 marathon today in only 16km be nice to me. He laughed. That's how I feel this morning though. So that's good. It means I worked hard. It also scares me. How am I supposed to tackle the 50km? How am i supposed to get this done? I know training will make a difference but jeepers this scares me.
It doesn't help that I'm keeping it a secret for now. I think I'm going to start my double LSR soon. I don't have to until the end of February but it couldn't hurt to get something in now. I suspect I'm going to be forced indoors for more of the double runs that would like. This cold snap is 5 weeks in already and it doesn't show signs of stopping. Tempers are flaring, grumpiness levels are skyrocketing it's going to get ugly soon if we don't get a real break.
Friday, January 3, 2014
It finally happened...the weather broke me
Last night I had 6 hills scheduled with my run club. 6 times over the overpass, 6 times sucking exhaust, 3 times facing some seriously sucky wind. Then I rolled my ankle, then I broke out there. I would have cried but it was so cold I thought my tears would cause even worse frost bite on my face.
For the first time in 4 years I thought, "Why the FUCK am I out here" This is fucking stupid!!!
I'll spare you the rant but essentially I realized that If I'm going to be running by myself out there why wouldn't I run garbage hill during the day? So that's what I'm going to do.
Starting next week I start my full training officially. That mean no more hills on Tuesdays...which means they'll get bumped to Thursdays and I might as well enjoy myself and run a proper hill. I've bitched about feeling forced towards the indoor track...well my friends no more. I'm running indoors this weekend. I can't stand this cold another second...until next week when we head outdoors again.
Just for the record...it was -39'C with wind chill last night when I did my run...that dark night is just too much. From now on I need to run when it's light outside. I have to, for my sanity.
For the first time in 4 years I thought, "Why the FUCK am I out here" This is fucking stupid!!!
I'll spare you the rant but essentially I realized that If I'm going to be running by myself out there why wouldn't I run garbage hill during the day? So that's what I'm going to do.
Starting next week I start my full training officially. That mean no more hills on Tuesdays...which means they'll get bumped to Thursdays and I might as well enjoy myself and run a proper hill. I've bitched about feeling forced towards the indoor track...well my friends no more. I'm running indoors this weekend. I can't stand this cold another second...until next week when we head outdoors again.
Just for the record...it was -39'C with wind chill last night when I did my run...that dark night is just too much. From now on I need to run when it's light outside. I have to, for my sanity.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2014 Resolution Run
It was awesome, it was tiring, it was fun.
All in all a great way to start off the new year...only thing is tomorrow night is hill night...and it's 6 hills...the problem is I ran 9 hills yesterday by mistake on the dreadmill. Then I pushed hard for a 12:07 average pace for 5km today...i sense tomorrow shan't be fun.
The official training for my full starts next week. Let the Epic begin.
All in all a great way to start off the new year...only thing is tomorrow night is hill night...and it's 6 hills...the problem is I ran 9 hills yesterday by mistake on the dreadmill. Then I pushed hard for a 12:07 average pace for 5km today...i sense tomorrow shan't be fun.
The official training for my full starts next week. Let the Epic begin.
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